DEAR ABBY: I am a 15-year-old girl with a problem. For a couple of months, a close friend of mine, "Casey," was going out with "Michael," a boy from school. They broke up two months ago because Mike wanted to date other girls. Casey was crushed when it happened, although only a week later she was telling everyone (including Mike) that she was "over him." I know it was a lie.

Casey has had major problems in the past -- depression and an eating disorder. It's obvious to me that she hasn't gotten over Mike. In no way is he interested in Casey romantically, but she talks about him 24/7.

Abby, I don't know what to do for Casey. I feel like yelling at her to get the message that Mike's not interested. I've told her that she needs to let go, but it's no use. What now? -- WORRIED ABOUT MY FRIEND IN RHODE ISLAND

DEAR WORRIED: Casey needs some new activities and new interests so she can stop replaying those old tapes in her head. One way to help her forget about Mike would be to introduce her to some new friends. You could also suggest she get into some new activities so she'll have something else to talk about.

DEAR ABBY: Over the holidays, my stepdaughter told her father and me that she is being married again and to save the second weekend in May. Shortly after, we received a formal invitation in the mail. About three weeks ago, my husband's ex-wife called to give us a list of what she had spent on the wedding and to request "our share" of the cost -- to the tune of $3,000.

This will be the second marriage for both the bride and groom, who are in their mid-30s. They live together in the home they own and have a successful business. By all accounts, they're doing very well.

Since my husband and I are not part of the wedding party (he was not asked to walk his daughter down the aisle) and we had no part in the wedding plans, I feel that whatever "Mom" wishes to spend is up to her, but we owe nothing more than what we originally promised to give the newlyweds.

Are we off base here? -- PUT OFF IN WINSTON-SALEM, N.C.

DEAR PUT OFF: Certainly not. Since this is a second wedding, and the bride and her fiance are well-established, and since you were not consulted or even asked to be a part of the ceremony, I see no reason why you should pay more than you have already promised.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I are both 50-plus. We are being married in four months -- the second marriage for both of us. We have maintained separate households and we really need nothing.

How can we send invitations to family and friends and let them know that no household gifts are needed? Please help. -- BRIDE-TO-BE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR BRIDE-TO-BE: Add the following to your invitation: "No gifts, please. Your presence will be our cherished gift, and we respectfully request no other."

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I went to school with "Bert" from grammar through high school. It's no secret that he's been in love with me since seventh grade. After we graduated from high school, Bert remained in our hometown. I moved away and go back only to visit my family.

Bert got my phone number from a mutual friend and, in the four years since high school, has called once in a while. Out of courtesy I'd chat with him, thinking his calls would eventually stop. I was wrong.

For the last two months, Bert's calls have become so frequent, I have stopped answering my phone -- or if a girlfriend is visiting me, I'll ask her to answer for me and tell Bert I'm "on a date." I hoped he'd take the hint, but it hasn't worked.

Last Christmas he sent me an expensive present. I did not accept it and still have not spoken to him.

Then one night last week, while I was out with the girls, Bert called every 20 minutes and maxed out my voicemail with messages saying he loves me. I don't know what to do. This has escalated to the point I'm afraid Bert could become violent. What should I tell him? -- NERVOUS IN MAINE

DEAR NERVOUS: Stop evading Bert's calls. Tell him, "I know we're old acquaintances, but I'm not interested in any kind of relationship with you. Please do not call again." If he continues, speak to your lawyer and to the police about a restraining order. He appears to be unable to face rejection.

DEAR ABBY: This summer I will be marrying "Joan," a wonderful woman who means the world to me. She is a professional who has done very well for herself, in spite of her poor command of the English language. For example, Joan uses "them" preceding a noun, says "don't know nobody," and other nonstandard forms. I have noticed her grammar is worse when she's under pressure or tired.

In six weeks, Joan will meet my family for the first time. I fear they'll be appalled by some of the things she says. How can I help my sweetheart clean up her grammar before she meets them? To Joan's credit, she is making a sincere effort to improve her language skills and has repeatedly asked me to correct her -- but it's a daunting task.

Please don't tell me my fiancee's positive qualities outweigh the language problem. This is a big roadblock for me. Your suggestions would be appreciated. -- WELL-SPOKEN GENT IN TENNESSEE

DEAR WELL-SPOKEN GENT: The best advice I can offer is this: Make up your mind whether or not you love her enough to accept her AS SHE IS -- with room for improvement. Do not correct her in front of your parents. If Joan's only flaw is her grammar, you're really a lucky man. Nobody is perfect.

DEAR ABBY: I can't help feeling "Gotta Get Good Grades in Wyoming" needs more than a bright math student to tutor her in math. That student should be tested for visual perception problems. I know. I was 60 years old before I was tested. It doesn't help to understand what to do with numbers if your perceptual problems scramble them. -- PENNY IN BUCKLAND, MA.

DEAR PENNY: I agree. The child should be tested, because the problem could also be dyslexia or some other learning disability.

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DEAR ABBY: May I add my 2 cents' worth to "Miserable Daughter-in-Law in Norfolk, Va.," who complained that her in-laws treat her as though she's invisible when her husband is away on active duty?

To her I would say: "Don't give up on his family, but don't count on them to fill your time. Call the Navy chaplain, the local college or another Navy wife." During my husband's first long cruise, like her, I was lost. Then I started volunteering for the Red Cross at Portsmouth Naval Hospital and for Navy Relief in the thrift shop. The more involved one is, the less time one has for fretting over in-laws.

Most important, Navy wives whose husbands are on sea duty are usually very close-knit and supportive of one another. During deployments, such friendships are often closer than relationships with one's own family. It is the responsibility of the captain of the ship, or his wife, to see that the spouses have points of contact before the ship departs. A spouse's sea duty can be looked upon as an opportunity to take classes, get together with other spouses "in the same boat," or get involved in all sorts of projects. If "Miserable" takes my advice, her husband, her marriage and the Navy will profit from her efforts. -- EX-NAVY WIFE, PINEBLUFF, N.C.

DEAR EX-NAVY WIFE: Although I advised the young woman to network with other Navy wives, I was not aware when I wrote my answer that programs were already in place to help her. Thank you for your helpful letter. You were not the only reader who wanted to help. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am also a military spouse. One thing I have noticed is that many wives -- and husbands -- have a hard time adapting to the strain their spouses feel at having to put duty over family. Thankfully, there are groups out there to help us get through this. One of the best I have found is www.militarywives.com. The message boards alone are worth more than I can express. In the Coast Guard, each unit has an ombudsman who is in charge of keeping spouses connected. This service is a lifesaver.

The family I have joined here with the military is priceless. Knowing that my strength adds to that of my husband's, and seeing others going through the same thing, makes it all worthwhile. -- KAY IN KODIAK, ALASKA

DEAR KAY: My admiration for you, and for other military spouses and families, is boundless.

DEAR ABBY: Please urge "Miserable" to become active in her state's family readiness program. It provides much-needed support for service member families and significant others during peacetime or deployment. I am part of the Maryland National Guard Family Readiness program and can attest to the help during the deployment of my husband and my son. -- GAYLA IN ELKTON, MD.

DEAR GAYLA: Bless you for reaching out.

DEAR ABBY: I dealt with my in-laws by going to counseling. There I learned to deal with them kindly and respectfully. Once "Miserable" is strong enough emotionally, she should ask her in-laws why she's not included in their family activities. Please tell her to rise above the pettiness and remember, people reap what they sow. -- ANOTHER DAUGHTER-IN-LAW IN ILLINOIS

DEAR D.I.L.: That's good advice, to which I would like to add: The phone works both ways. If the parents are not inviting her over, she should consider taking the initiative and inviting THEM over.

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