DEAR ABBY: I am 73, in poor health and desperately need your advice. My husband died two years ago after a long illness and crushing medical expenses. I can no longer care for our property as well as I once could and would like to sell it and move to town to be closer to my stores, my doctors and church.

The problem is that my oldest son, "Doug," who has lived many states away for 25 years, wants the property. He wants me to stay here until he retires -– which would be several years from now. From time to time, Doug has helped me out financially, and that makes me feel obligated.

My other two children know what an awful time I'm having making ends meet. They think I should sell now if that's what I want. It's lonely here and winters are bad. I would like to sell as soon as possible and repay Doug the money he has given me.

When Doug learned what I wanted to do, he said some nasty things about me to the other two –- and to some friends of the family. It was very hurtful. I have prayed about this, and hope no one else has to bear this kind of worry when they get old. Please tell me what to do. -- HURT AND LOST IN INDIANA

DEAR HURT AND LOST: Under no circumstances should you continue to live in a place where you feel lonely and isolated. You must do what is right for YOU. First on that list should be to get an appraisal of your property from a reputable company. Your lawyer or your banker can recommend one. After that, inform your children what the asking price will be. If Doug wants to buy it, fine. If not, put it on the market.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 27-year-old single mother of an 11-year-old boy. After a year of dating, we moved in with my fiance, "Gary," two months ago. It's been a huge transition, and my son and our cat have adjusted beautifully. However, I have not.

Last night, Gary and I talked at length about the possibility that I wasn't "ready" for this move after all. His response was that if I moved out, our relationship would be over.

I love Gary and don't want to lose him, but all my life I've needed to do things on my own. I don't know if I can ever be truly happy living with a man. Before my son and I moved in with Gary, I missed him terribly every minute we were apart. I now realize how much I miss my space and having my own place. Am I being selfish? Will I ever be happy cohabitating? -- CONFUSED IN VERMONT

DEAR CONFUSED: Needing independence is not selfish, and for your fiance to give an ultimatum is controlling. Listen to your gut -– it's giving you an important message. Leaving Gary may be traumatic for your son. Please be sure he has all the emotional support he needs.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I enjoy eating at buffet-style restaurants. Drinks are usually brought to the table by servers, who also clear away empty dishes and attend to any additional needs we may have.

Our question: What percentage of tip is appropriate? Some patrons leave none at all. Awaiting your reply. -- SENIOR SWEETHEARTS IN PALM HARBOR, FLA.

DEAR SENIOR SWEETHEARTS: In a buffet-style establishment, the appropriate tip would be 10 percent –- or more, if the service is outstanding.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: A few months ago, our beloved son-in-law, "Tom," died unexpectedly at only 39 years of age. Our daughter and her three children, all under 8, survive him.

The night Tom died, neighbors took care of our grandchildren, while others accompanied my daughter to the hospital. They waited throughout the night until we arrived from out of state, hundreds of miles away.

The next day these wonderful people took their own children out of school to play with our grandchildren. Neighbors took days off work to comfort and care for our daughter. They organized a schedule of who would provide meals.

More than 15 families in the neighborhood helped with all the small yet important details before and after the funeral. Photos of our son-in-law and the family were enlarged, framed and displayed in the visitation room of the funeral home -– along with hand-drawn pictures and letters of sympathy from the neighbors' children and our grandchildren's classmates. Friends set out journals for guests to record their memories of Tom and express their condolences.

In the coffee room at the funeral home, neighbors arranged for baby sitters, toys, food and beverages for the many children in attendance. After the memorial service, these folks catered lunch at our daughter's home.

Several neighbors opened their homes to out-of-town visitors. And to top it all off, the family next door moved out of their home to provide extra room for family members attending the funeral. Now, months later, neighbors are still taking our grandchildren on outings, checking on our daughter, and bringing in meals on occasion.

Never have I seen a neighborhood with so much warmth and caring. In a day and age when neighbors barely know each other, it is inspiring -– especially in a metropolis like Chicago.

I know of no other column with a wider audience than yours, Abby. Please share this experience with your readers in the hope that they, too, will make the effort to participate in their neighborhoods and be of service to others. -- A GRATEFUL MOTHER

DEAR GRATEFUL MOTHER: I offer my condolences for your loss. Being of service to others is the highest calling I know. In these complicated economic and political times, people often narrow their focus. Your daughter's neighbors are an inspirational example of brotherly love in action.

DEAR ABBY: I was divorced three years ago and am uncertain about what to do with my wedding album. This is on my mind because I'll be remarrying this year, and I have no desire to keep the photos from my first marriage. My dilemma is that I have two small children and wonder if there would be any benefit –- or harm -– in keeping the album for their sakes. (Their dad is pretty much out of the picture.) Thanks for any light you can shed on this. -- BRIDE-TO-BE IN OMAHA

DEAR BRIDE-TO-BE: Although that chapter of your life is now closed, it is still very much a part of your children's history. Put the albums in storage for your children to have later.

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DEAR ABBY: My fifth wedding anniversary is coming soon. I was looking forward to it until last night. I took my children to visit their daddy at his office. He is usually happy to see us. We found him eating his dinner in the company's break room.

We were enjoying a pleasant conversation when suddenly a female co-worker burst in and began telling a story. This woman, "Carmen," is very voluptuous and extroverted. My husband started laughing like crazy at Carmen's funny story –- which I didn't find amusing at all. But it didn't bother me until my husband came home from work and we started getting ready for bed. He began repeating this "funny" story he heard at work. When I told him I was there when Carmen told it, he looked surprised and said, "You were?"

Abby, I was crushed! I had been in that break room for 15 minutes before Carmen came in, and my husband had forgotten all about our visit. I am trying not to let it bother me, but I am 7 1/2 months pregnant and beginning to believe my husband no longer cares for me. What should I do? -- FEELING BIG AND BROKENHEARTED

DEAR FEELING BIG AND BROKENHEARTED: First of all, remember that pregnancy is only temporary, and that many people think there is nothing more beautiful than a pregnant woman. However, somehow you are feeling threatened. Carmen may be bombastic, but if your husband wanted to share her funny story with you, you should not be threatened by one instance of short-term memory loss.

DEAR ABBY: I am 15 and in tears as I write this. My parents met in college and married when Mom got pregnant with my older brother. They recently celebrated their 17th anniversary. Lately, it seems all Mom and Dad do is argue. My father's job requires him to work long hours and travel a lot, so things have been especially stressful.

Last weekend, my brother and I went to visit our aunt and uncle who live a couple of hours away. While I was sitting at their computer e-mailing some friends, I couldn't resist the temptation, so I pulled up an e-mail Mother had sent to my aunt. In it, Mom wrote that she "can't take it any longer" and finally talked to a divorce lawyer. She plans to file for divorce as soon as my brother graduates from high school. She doesn't want us kids to know because my brother needs to keep his grades up so he can get into a good college, and she knows the news would upset us.

But that wasn't the worst part. Mom went on to say she had confessed to our priest that she's been having an affair with a co-worker! Mom reads your column every day, so please give us some good advice. If she reads this letter and your reply, maybe it would help her reconsider what she's doing. -- HOPING TO SAVE MY PARENTS' MARRIAGE IN GEORGIA

DEAR HOPING'S MOTHER: If this scenario seems strangely familiar to you, please know that your plans are no longer a secret and are causing great stress to your daughter.

Before you make any life-altering decisions, end the affair and start marriage counseling with your husband. It wouldn't hurt to begin family counseling as well.

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