DEAR READERS: In the hope that it will raise awareness about the rights of people with disabilities, I am continuing the subject of yesterday's column.

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing about "Kent," the 40-year-old man, bedridden with muscular dystrophy, who asked his friend, "Vic," to arrange his first sexual experience. His deeply religious parents were offended and now refuse to allow him any contact with his friend.

Abby, those parents have a right to determine what happens in their home. While the son lives there, he should respect the rules of the house. This is called RESPECT! -- MARGE IN CLARKSVILLE, TENN.

DEAR MARGE: Respect should work both ways. Those parents could learn a lot from meeting other parents of adult children with disabilities. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am a social worker and advocate for individuals with disabilities. What was described in the letter is abuse on the part of the parents and should be reported to adult protective services immediately. "Kent's" caretakers have violated his religious and sexual rights as a human being, and this could be considered false imprisonment. Practices like these are often only the tip of the iceberg. Being a caretaker is about helping someone live, not forcing one's beliefs and practices on another. -- FURIOUS IN SAN JOSE, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: It is illegal to prevent an adult dependent from having consensual sex or seeing friends. (This would not be the case if the woman had charged for her services –- which she did not. If she had, the parents would have the right to prohibit "illegal activities" in their home.)

Facility accreditation statutes prohibit such restrictions, but often it is not brought to the attention of the local human services department. Thank you for addressing this, Abby. -- DISABILITY ADVOCATE IN IOWA

DEAR ABBY: What do these parents think will happen to their son when they die? "Kent" needs to start learning to hire and deal with attendants, manage an apartment from his bed, coordinate medical care and all the rest of the skills that life on his own will involve.

Abby, he needs intervention and possibly legal services. These are listed in the phone book under headings such as "disability services" and even "legal aid." -- CATHRYN IN DANNVILLE, CALIF.

DEAR CATHRYN: When I answered the letter from "Vic," I did not realize that what the parents are doing could be interpreted as abuse. I want to thank you and my other readers for pointing that out.

DEAR ABBY: "Vic" deserves a medal for what he did for his friend. My husband and I are disabled with different disabilities. We must constantly deal with people who think we should give up our freedom. Thank you for printing that letter. If anyone can get the public to realize that adults with disabilities need to be regarded as worthwhile human beings, it's you.

Please don't reveal our name or location. We live in a small town with small-minded people. -- "X" IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR X: In addition to the letters I have printed, I have received many in which the writers poured out their hearts about the isolation they feel because of their disabilities. They want to love and be loved, to be recognized as having something positive to offer to those around them. Everyone has different qualities that make them unique and special. In today's world, people with disabilities have rights –- and being recognized as a sexual being is only one of them.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Thank you for printing the letter from "Vic in Graham, N.C.," who arranged a sexual experience for his friend, "Kent," who is 95 percent paralyzed. It's a controversial subject that needed airing. Thank you, too, for your direct and supportive reply in which you confirmed that (a) people with disabilities DO have sexual feelings; (b) healthy relationships build self-esteem; (c) projecting personal moral values on an adult who is dependent is wrong; and (d) people with disabilities should be encouraged to live life as fully as possible.

My brother became a paraplegic at 17. This April he turns 47. For the last seven years he has been happily married. I know there were times following his accident when, as a single man, he contacted escort services, and I supported his choice. It not only countered major depression, but restored self-confidence, and also confirmed that while his life had dramatically changed, he was still LIVING. -- TOM IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR TOM: The letter from "Vic" touched me so deeply I knew it had to be printed, and the reply came from my heart. The mail I have received regarding that letter has been both moving and educational. People with disabilities have rights –- human rights and legal rights -– to live life as fully as possible. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I speak as a retired Christian pastor who has seen the hurt that "traditional values" unfairly inflict on people like "Kent" and "Vic." Our society has failed miserably to understand the emotional and sexual needs of people with disabilities. Since we have no institutionally sanctioned means of responding to such needs, I believe "Vic" took the next best alternative.

I hope you will initiate vigorous dialogue on this subject and raise new awareness. Thank you for your sensitive and caring statement. -- CONCERNED CLERIC IN FLORIDA

DEAR CONCERNED CLERIC: Thank you for speaking out -- although if my mail is any indication, many other Christians do not share your view.

DEAR ABBY: I know the pain "Kent" is feeling. I have been paralyzed for four years. Women ignore me completely now that I am in a chair. I am lonely and yearn for female attention. People don't realize how normal people in wheelchairs are. I am the same as they are. I just cannot move.

For "Kent's" parents to be so narrow-minded is terrible. He shouldn't be locked up and isolated. Fortunately, my own parents are more understanding, but it is still difficult for them to understand how important female companionship is to me. -- BEEN THERE IN SOUTH DAKOTA

DEAR BEEN THERE: Bless them for putting your happiness first.

DEAR ABBY: I am an adult protective services worker. Providing care for a person does not confer the right to control. In Oregon, isolating adults who are physically disabled for this or any other reason is a violation of their rights and state law.

"Vic" should call the local disability services office and speak to an adult protective services screener or investigator. The goal is not to "call in the law" on "Kent's" parents or punish them, but to help them gain a clear understanding of the rights of adults no matter what their physical condition or care requirements. -- AN APS WORKER IN OREGON

DEAR APS WORKER: Obviously, "Kent's" parents need to gain insight. Education is the answer. More on this important subject tomorrow.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My 14-year-old son, "Bradley," was conceived by artificial insemination using an anonymous donor. His father and I divorced when our child was very young, and Brad has never been told the truth about his conception. However, a handful of people on both sides of the family DO know. Over the years, Brad's father has provided minimal financial and emotional support for our son. (My ex has remarried; I have not.)

I have been advised by my minister to tell Bradley the truth now. However, I am being told by my mother that Brad should never be told, and we should just hope that no one spills the beans.

Have you any thoughts on a situation such as this? -- WORRIED MOM IN CHICAGO

DEAR WORRIED MOM: Your mother is well-meaning, but your minister is right. Your son should be told the truth. There is no shame in it, and because other family members already know, the boy needs to hear it from you before he hears it from someone else. Better now than later.

DEAR ABBY: For the past year, I've had an exclusive relationship with "Bernie." We're both in our mid-20s and live in the same neighborhood. A month ago, Bernie broke up with me. He said he hadn't gotten over the pain of a previous relationship and wasn't ready to get serious. He said he wanted to remain "friends," but every so often he'd do something that made me feel like I still meant something to him.

One night last week we went to a movie, grabbed a bite to eat and ended up at his place. Bernie sweetly asked me to stay the night and I was overjoyed. The next morning he said it had been a mistake -– his feelings for me had not changed.

We haven't talked since then, and I feel hurt and devalued. Am I overreacting? -- CONFUSED IN BROOKLYN

DEAR CONFUSED: I don't think so. Bernie knew he had a sitting duck and his behavior wasn't sportsmanlike. Accept the fact that you and he have different goals and move on. Once you have started dating someone else, you can revisit the issue of a friendship with Bernie. (I'll bet you decide against it.)

DEAR ABBY: My fiance, "Todd," presented me with a ring made of cheap, colored stones that cost him three days' pay. Nobody treats me like I'm engaged because my ring doesn't look like an engagement ring. Meanwhile, I am surrounded by women at work who have beautiful solitaire engagement rings.

Todd never makes any effort in bed. He takes his pleasure and gives me none. He keeps a photo scrapbook of his former girlfriends and continues to take them out to dinner during the week. If I object, he says they're just "gal pals," and I'm being unreasonable.

On weekends -– which is the only time I see him -– Todd says he's "too tired" or "too broke" to take me to dinner and a movie. Am I right to feel cheated? -- MAD AND SAD IN MISSOURI

DEAR MAD AND SAD: From what you have written, Todd is meeting none of your needs –- materially, physically or emotionally. If you continue this relationship, you are only cheating yourself.

A word to the wise: Ask yourself why you are with him. Only you can answer that.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)