DEAR ABBY: My husband and I invited an acquaintance -- I'll call her June -- to our housewarming party. As I was showing her the bedroom, June asked to see an opal ring that she noticed me wearing on the day we met. I opened my jewelry box and watched as she tried it on.

Just then, the doorbell rang and I rushed to answer it. With all the goings-on of the party, I completely forgot about June and the opal ring until she said her goodbyes. June laughingly told me the ring had gotten stuck on her finger and she couldn't get the "darn thing" off. Then she was gone.

That was two months ago. June moved out of town and left no forwarding address. My husband and I couldn't locate her. The ring belonged to my husband's late grandmother and was a gift to me on our wedding day. My husband's mother and sister are furious with me for allowing June to walk off with an heirloom. They have been pressing me to track her down and take her to court.

I continued to search for her with no luck until last week, when June called and said she was in town and would like to drop by. She never showed up. I'm beginning to wonder if she will ever return my ring. I want to avoid conflict and am trying to think of a way to get it back without having to go to court. Can you help me, Abby? -- MISSING MY OPAL IN COLORADO

DEAR MISSING: Pick up the phone, tell the police what happened, and file a theft report. It appears that June has sticky fingers in more ways than one, and depending on the value of the ring, has committed grand theft.

Please don't wait. Sometimes conflict is unavoidable, and in this case, you have every right to scream, "I wuz robbed." Good luck.

DEAR ABBY: I have been going with "Jeremy" for five years. He's 28, I'm 25. We love each other dearly. We've talked seriously about getting married and having children. The problem is he's asked me twice to marry him --- only to take his proposals back.

The first time, we set a date and started making wedding plans. When Jeremy changed his mind, I asked if it had anything to do with me. He said no --- that he loves me and can't picture a life without me --- but he was scared.

Now when the subject of marriage comes up and we talk about a wedding and future together, Jeremy makes remarks like, "Yes, if we make it that long." Then he starts naming all the people we know who have gotten divorced. I blame Jeremy's mother for his attitude. She's been married and divorced five times. (Her most recent marriage lasted less than a year.)

I want to spend my life with Jeremy more than anything in the world, but his negative outlook on marriage worries me. I hate to say it, but I'm beginning to resent him for it. Should I break it off or stay? -- UNSURE IN INDIANA

DEAR UNSURE: Before this mating dance goes any further, you and Jeremy should get premarital counseling. It's an understatement to say that he has poor role modeling when it comes to marriage and what it entails. Counseling will give him the chance to express all his fears in a supportive setting. Without it, I see no future in this on-again, off-again romance.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Thank you for your response to my "Angry Aunt in Akron," who complained because I haven't written thank-you notes for the wedding gifts my husband and I received from his family. (I was prompt in acknowledging those we received from mine.) This was per the agreement we had made before the wedding.

When mine were finished, I nagged to no avail. A few months later, his parents confronted me. I explained our agreement to split the chore, but my mother-in-law thought otherwise. She continued to argue that my husband "always had trouble when it came to writing." Throughout school his parents corrected his mistakes and typed his papers before he turned them in. In other words, instead of teaching him, they "fixed" things for him -– and she blamed me for not doing the same.

Abby, I married a man, not a child. Marriage is a union, a joint venture between two people. You said it beautifully when you advised my aunt that "times have changed." They have! A woman's place isn't where it used to be, and a wife isn't a replacement for a mother. -- THANKFUL BRIDE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR THANKFUL BRIDE: I said times were CHANGING; I didn't say that the change was complete. While many people agreed with my reply, almost as many did not. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I disagree with you. Marriage is a partnership. While the groom is ill-mannered and negligent, I think the bride is being childish. If I waited for my wife of 33 years to do what some might consider "her job," our household would be a sorry state -– and I'm sure plenty of times she'd say the same about me. If more young people adopted our philosophy, perhaps there wouldn't be so many divorces. -- GARY IN GRANITE CITY, ILL

DEAR GARY: I agree that a successful marriage takes a lot of giving on both sides. What I disagree with is the stereotype that writing thank-you notes is automatically "woman's work."

DEAR ABBY: Your reply to "Angry Aunt" was correct. I'm 54. In recent years I have received many thank-you notes from the groom. I agree that with both husband and wife working, it's only fair that both write them. My son is being married in three months. I plan on showing him the letter from "Angry Aunt" and also my reply. -- HAPPY AUNT B. IN NEW ORLEANS

DEAR HAPPY AUNT B.: You'll be doing him and his bride a favor.

DEAR ABBY: I had the same problem. After weeks of watching my husband, "Roy," procrastinate, I realized that while they were "his" guests, we were one unit. People who thought poorly of him would also think poorly of "us."

Roy and I bring different strengths and weaknesses to our marriage, and perhaps my strength could help him with his weakness -– so I came up with a plan: Roy had expressed interest in visiting a new French cafe. I agreed to go, but only if we took blank thank-you cards that Roy would write while I caught up on other post-wedding work. We shared a delightful bottle of wine, and the thank-yous went out the next day.

That bride needs to be creative about getting her new husband to send the thank-yous out, because, like it or not, his procrastination makes them both look bad. -- CHICAGO NEWLYWED

DEAR NEWLYWED: C'est magnifique! Thanks for sharing your solution.

DEAR ABBY: After a recent wedding I attended, the bride wrote the notes to the groom's family and friends, and the groom wrote to the bride's. This made me feel more welcomed by the groom and let me know he wanted to communicate with his new bride's side of the family. A great way to incorporate into one family, don't you think? -- AMANDA IN BLOOMINGTON, IND.

DEAR AMANDA: I do. And excellent public relations.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cook booklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: February is devoted to "matters of the heart." As president of the American Diabetes Association, I offer this message to your readers and to the 17 million Americans with diabetes: The "heart matters" when treating diabetes -- much more than people realize.

Two out of three people with diabetes will die from heart attack or stroke unless they manage their blood sugar, blood pressure and cholesterol. The following are the ABCs of diabetes:

(A) A1C, the test that measures average blood sugar over the past three months, should be less than seven, and checked at least twice a year.

(B) BLOOD PRESSURE should be below 130/80 and measured at every visit with your doctor.

(C) CHOLESTEROL (LDL or "bad") should be below 100 and checked once a year.

It's imperative that people with diabetes work closely with their health-care provider to determine what steps they can take to reach their ABC goals. Some people may have to make changes in their meal plans or exercise routines. In many cases, medicines are needed to keep the ABCs on track.

The American Diabetes Association and the American College of Cardiology have launched a major assault on diabetes and cardiovascular disease through an initiative called "Make the Link! Diabetes, Heart Disease and Stroke." Abby, please encourage your readers to learn more about this effort by calling (800) 342-2383 or visiting our Web site: www.diabetes.org/makethelink. -- FRANCINE KAUFMAN, M.D.

DEAR DR. KAUFMAN: Thank you for an important letter. Out of the 17 million Americans with diabetes, almost 6 million don't know it. That's because diabetes develops gradually, often without obvious signs or symptoms.

The most common symptoms of Type 1 diabetes are: frequent urination, unusual thirst, extreme hunger, unusual weight loss, extreme fatigue and irritability. Type 2 diabetes symptoms are the same as Type 1, plus: frequent infections, blurred vision, cuts/bruises that are slow to heal, tingling/numbness in the hands or feet, and recurring skin, gum or bladder infections.

There is a quick and easy test to see if you are at risk on the Web site: www.diabetes.org/risktest.

DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Alicia," and I were married three months ago. We have a large circle of friends who gave us wonderful wedding gifts.

Yesterday, a package arrived in the mail. It was addressed only to Alicia, but we opened it together. Inside, we found a beautifully framed photograph of Alicia with her old boyfriend, "Enrico." It had been taken several years ago on Maui. They were laughing with their arms around each other (in wet bathing suits) in front of a beautiful tropical sunset. I was very offended. I took the photograph out of the frame and tore it up. Alicia thinks I overreacted, but I couldn't help myself.

Enrico has never liked me because "I took Alicia away from him." I believe he intentionally wanted to push my buttons -- and he succeeded. I totally trust Alicia, but feel my anger was justified. What do you think? -- BUMMED BY THE BEACH PHOTO

DEAR BUMMED: I think you played right into Enrico's hands. Look at it on the positive side: You have Alicia and a nice picture frame. All poor Enrico has are his memories -- and the negative.

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