DEAR ABBY: Last year I opened my own business. It's a small clothing store for men and women. My problem is I am unable to get through to my family that they cannot visit me there all the time. I love them dearly, but my shop is a place of business -- not a second home for them.

My husband is unemployed. He is constantly at the store. He'll sit on a chair near the entrance, holding his cane. Sometimes he falls asleep and starts slipping off his chair. He's the first thing customers see when they walk in. It is very unprofessional.

My daughter drops in daily with her two young children. She brings their lunch, which she sets up on the counter next to the cash register. In no time the kids are running around the store making a mess and throwing merchandise off the shelves onto the floor. My daughter yells at them and then an argument ensures. Time after time, it ends up with me snapping at them to go home, my daughter becoming upset and the kids bursting into tears. Customers sometimes turn around and walk out when they see the commotion. I have lost sales because of this, and I can't afford for it to continue.

How can I make it clear to my family that they can't make themselves at home at my store? I feel like a broken record. -- EXASPERATED SHOP OWNER IN PHOENIX

DEAR SHOP OWNER: Since your husband and daughter do not seem to get the message that they cannot just "drop in," you must be more assertive and draw the line for them. Get some books on retail merchandising and customer relations and SHOW them that what they are doing is hurting your business. If they persist, stop them at the door and say, "It's nice to see you, but you cannot stay. Love you all -- and I'll see you later."

Please be firm -- your economic situation depends on it.

DEAR ABBY: I am a married Jewish woman just shy of 30. For the past year I've been searching for a better job. Without fail at almost every interview, I'm asked some outrageously illegal questions:

"Are you married? How long have you been married? Do you have children? Are you planning on getting pregnant? Exactly when are you planning to start a family? Will you want to stay home when your children are young? What's your biggest health concern? How religious are you? Are you willing to work Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur?" (the most religious days on the Jewish calendar).

Abby, what's the best way to avoid answering these questions? The next time it happens, can I press charges? Thanks for your help. -- ETERNAL JOB CANDIDATE

DEAR JOB CANDIDATE: Simply smile and say: "I want you to know that I am sincerely interested in this job, but the questions you are asking are illegal. I'm telling you this because I'm sure you're interviewing other applicants, and I wouldn't want you to get in trouble with the EEOC (Equal Employment Opportunity Commission)."

If the questioning persists, the EEOC should be notified because the questions are discriminatory.

QUOTE FOR THE DAY: Abraham Lincoln said: "If you once forfeit the confidence of your fellow citizens, you can never regain their respect and esteem. It is true that you may fool all of the people some of the time; you can even fool some of the people all of the time; but you can't fool all of the people all of the time." (Submitted by Andrew W. Hanley)

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: After three years of marriage, my husband, "Jeff," and I decided to have a child. I became pregnant immediately.

What I thought would make us both happy and bring us closer actually did the opposite. I had a miserable pregnancy and felt abandoned. Jeff grew emotionally distant and stopped communicating almost completely except for our constant battles.

Our son is now 16 months old and the apple of my eye. Jeff has a new job with a good future. We bought a house and live in a great neighborhood, but he is still distant and picks fights constantly. He agrees counseling might help, but refuses to go. I have tried to improve our relationship, including private counseling, but it's not working.

Jeff is a great father but a lousy husband. We both changed with my pregnancy -- he went from a helpful, happy husband to a miserable, frustrated man. Divorce is expensive -- financially and emotionally -- and a battle will most likely ensue over our son. Where can I go from here? -- UNHAPPY IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR UNHAPPY: With no input from your husband about what is wrong, it's difficult to say. However, one line in your letter, "What I thought would make us both happy actually did the opposite," makes me wonder if your husband felt trapped by the pregnancy -- and his subsequent behavior is the result of feeling pushed into fatherhood he didn't feel ready for.

Where you go from here depends upon how much longer you're prepared to tolerate your living situation. One thing is certain, nothing will change until you BOTH have laid your cards on the table. If your husband refuses to go to counseling, perhaps your next step should be to consult a lawyer about what your options are. There are worse things than divorce. A contentious marriage like yours is one of them.

DEAR ABBY: I am an 11th-grade girl. Our student handbook states that "public display of affection is discouraged at school and could result in disciplinary action." If this is true, shouldn't a student also get in trouble for sexual harassment?

A guy in one of my classes has been touching, grabbing and pinching me. I told some of my girlfriends, and two of them said he does the same thing to them. We hadn't wanted to tell each other, but now we're glad we did.

We went to the assistant principal's office with our complaint. He gave the boy one day of detention. After that, things got worse. The creep is still picking on us, and our school isn't doing anything to make him stop.

What do we do now, Abby? Were we wrong to tell? If not, how come nobody is doing anything to protect us? School is supposed to be a safe place, right? Please help us. -- THREE GIRLS FROM ZANESVILLE, OHIO

DEAR GIRLS: Document each instance -- date, time and place -- in order to establish a record. Tell your parents what's going on. It's time for your parents to discuss this matter with the school principal. If that does not stop the harassment, take it up with the board of education. They need to know what's going on before it's necessary to take legal action.

Readers, here is a gem. It was submitted by Tom Berilla of Silver Spring, Md.:

DEAR ABBY: My daughter, Claire, told my 3-year-old granddaughter, Hanna, "We plan to remodel the kitchen and dining room, and move the walls from 'here to there.'" Trying to include her little girl in the project, she asked, "And what would Hanna like?" Hanna's reply: "Take away the time-out corner!"

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 39 and never had a good relationship with my mother. I have known all my life that I am her least favorite of my siblings. Until recently, I accepted it.

The last time I visited Mom and Dad, I brought my children. Mother was so rude and mean to them that my 5-year-old refused to go into her house. We ended up staying at my grandmother's. My 5-year-old asked me why his grandma doesn't love him like she does his cousin. I wasn't sure how to answer.

When we returned home I wrote Mother a letter telling her exactly how I feel, and why. I said she could treat me as she pleased, but not to take it out on my children. I told her if she ever found it in her heart to treat us with the love and respect we deserve, she knows how to reach me.

A few months later, my father had open heart surgery. Mother never called to let me know. It really hurt. I have called and left several messages on their answering machine without a return call. Should I give up and accept the fact that my parents gave me life, but do not want me in their lives? Or should I keep trying? It has been eight months since we last spoke. We live 1,500 miles apart, and I know long-distance relationships are difficult, but I am their daughter. -- DISTRAUGHT IN FLORIDA

DEAR DISTRAUGHT: The physical distance between you and your mother is not the problem. The "distance" between you was created long ago, and unless your mother is willing to cooperate, I see no reason to continue courting rejection.

Talk to your siblings and ask them to keep you informed about what's going on with your parents. If you expect nothing, you can't be hurt. You are a parent now, and it is your duty to protect and nurture your children. Please do not feel guilty. Perhaps through neighbors and friends you can "adopt" some loving grandparent substitutes who are closer to home. It might be a healthier solution for all concerned.

DEAR ABBY: Our precious mother passed away in 1983 and left me her mink stole. I didn't think I'd ever wear it, so I gave it to my older sister. This year for Christmas, my sister gave me the delightful gift of a teddy bear made from Mom's stole!

It arrived in a large box filled with packing peanuts. At the bottom of the box was a very worn penny. The date on it was 1997, the same year our brother passed away after a brief illness.

A few months before his death, he and his high school sweetheart had married after 40 years of marriage to other mates. They were like teenagers, so in love and so happy. Needless to say, his death was devastating. My sister swears she didn't put the penny in the box.

I can usually find a logical explanation for strange phenomena, but this really touched me. My sister and I believe the penny symbolizes a link between Mom and our brother, who are now with Dad -- and together they sent us this "article of faith." I hope you'll print this, Abby. So many people need reassurance to help them through. I did, and now my faith has been restored. -- LINDA L. JOHNSON, MIDLOTHIAN, VA.

DEAR LINDA: I'm not sure which I find more impressive -- your finding the penny or your sister having found such a creative way to recycle the mink!

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)