DEAR ABBY: I am 39 and never had a good relationship with my mother. I have known all my life that I am her least favorite of my siblings. Until recently, I accepted it.

The last time I visited Mom and Dad, I brought my children. Mother was so rude and mean to them that my 5-year-old refused to go into her house. We ended up staying at my grandmother's. My 5-year-old asked me why his grandma doesn't love him like she does his cousin. I wasn't sure how to answer.

When we returned home I wrote Mother a letter telling her exactly how I feel, and why. I said she could treat me as she pleased, but not to take it out on my children. I told her if she ever found it in her heart to treat us with the love and respect we deserve, she knows how to reach me.

A few months later, my father had open heart surgery. Mother never called to let me know. It really hurt. I have called and left several messages on their answering machine without a return call. Should I give up and accept the fact that my parents gave me life, but do not want me in their lives? Or should I keep trying? It has been eight months since we last spoke. We live 1,500 miles apart, and I know long-distance relationships are difficult, but I am their daughter. -- DISTRAUGHT IN FLORIDA

DEAR DISTRAUGHT: The physical distance between you and your mother is not the problem. The "distance" between you was created long ago, and unless your mother is willing to cooperate, I see no reason to continue courting rejection.

Talk to your siblings and ask them to keep you informed about what's going on with your parents. If you expect nothing, you can't be hurt. You are a parent now, and it is your duty to protect and nurture your children. Please do not feel guilty. Perhaps through neighbors and friends you can "adopt" some loving grandparent substitutes who are closer to home. It might be a healthier solution for all concerned.

DEAR ABBY: Our precious mother passed away in 1983 and left me her mink stole. I didn't think I'd ever wear it, so I gave it to my older sister. This year for Christmas, my sister gave me the delightful gift of a teddy bear made from Mom's stole!

It arrived in a large box filled with packing peanuts. At the bottom of the box was a very worn penny. The date on it was 1997, the same year our brother passed away after a brief illness.

A few months before his death, he and his high school sweetheart had married after 40 years of marriage to other mates. They were like teenagers, so in love and so happy. Needless to say, his death was devastating. My sister swears she didn't put the penny in the box.

I can usually find a logical explanation for strange phenomena, but this really touched me. My sister and I believe the penny symbolizes a link between Mom and our brother, who are now with Dad -- and together they sent us this "article of faith." I hope you'll print this, Abby. So many people need reassurance to help them through. I did, and now my faith has been restored. -- LINDA L. JOHNSON, MIDLOTHIAN, VA.

DEAR LINDA: I'm not sure which I find more impressive -- your finding the penny or your sister having found such a creative way to recycle the mink!

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "D.B. in Ohio," the 16-year-old unmarried, pregnant high school student. You were correct in telling her that she is entitled to an education. Under federal law, it is illegal for a school to treat a student differently because of pregnancy or related conditions, childbirth or marital status.

Pregnant and parenting students have the right to remain in their regular school and participate in all school activities, such as honors programs, clubs and graduation programs. Moreover, participation in special programs or schools for pregnant and parenting students must be completely voluntary and must provide the student with an education comparable to that which she would have received at her regular school.

As to D.B.'s absences for doctor's appointments, the law requires her school to excuse her absences due to pregnancy or parenting, including medical appointments for her or her child.

It is unfortunate that at a time when they need an education the most, pregnant and parenting students are illegally denied their educational rights.

To educate school officials, students and advocates, the California Women's Law Center has written a "Model Policy on the Civil Rights of Pregnant and Parenting Students," which can be accessed at www.cwlc.org. This document clearly explains the legal rights of pregnant and parenting students.

Thank you for educating the public about these important civil rights. -- NANCY SOLOMON, WOMEN'S LAW CENTER, LOS ANGELES

DEAR NANCY: You're welcome. However, in many cases it's readers like you who educate me.

Readers, Title IX of the Education Amendments of 1972 is a federal law that protects pregnant students from discrimination. The federal government acknowledged that pregnant teenage girls are often treated differently than the teenage fathers. Of course, that is blatant sex discrimination -- and grounds for you-know-what. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I run a program that includes a support group for teen parents. The only reason D.B.'s school should notify her mother of absences is if they are unexcused truancies. Therefore, she should make sure her absences are excused by either her mother or the doctor's office, and return to school immediately following the appointments that cannot be scheduled after school.

She should also look very carefully before agreeing to attend alternative education programs for pregnant teens. In many of them she could be placed alongside students who have been kicked out of regular schools because of disciplinary or criminal issues. If that's the case in her community, she should insist on a real education and stay in regular school, big belly and all.

Just because she's in a difficult situation doesn't mean she can't get a great education and raise a wonderful child. Working with teen moms has enabled me to develop an even greater respect for my mother-in-law, a former single teen mom who successfully raised my wonderful husband. -- SOMEONE WHO CARES IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SOMEONE: Thank you for your heartfelt advice. I agree that with planning and determination it can be done.

My readers may be interested to know that, according to U.S. government statistics, the teen birth rate is at a record low, the 10th year in a row it has fallen.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I need to know if I'm being unreasonable. A few nights ago -- around 3 or 4 in the morning -- my husband got into bed and woke me to have sex. I had only been asleep for a few hours. He knows I have to get up for work by 7 a.m. It's not the first time this has happened. When I tell him I need my sleep, he gets mad and says I'm rejecting him. Then he gives me the silent treatment.

Abby, I have never been a morning person and have always needed my sleep. This is a recurring problem that affects other parts of our relationship. My husband and I have been married 15 years and have quarreled continuously over his "nocturnal needs." I should add that he is unemployed and can sleep any time he wants.

How do you suggest I get my hubby to be more considerate without hurting his feelings? -- SLEEP-DEPRIVED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR SLEEP-DEPRIVED: You and your husband should hash this out in the cold light of day, preferably with a marriage counselor. Intimacy is an important part of marriage, but it has to be mutual to be enjoyable.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a college student attending school across the country from my family and friends. My parents were in Europe for Christmas this year, so my Aunt Louise invited me to spend the holidays with her and Uncle Harry.

Aunt Louise lived far from us when I was growing up, so I didn't get to see her often and I welcomed the chance to get to know them better. Aunt Louise operates a bed and breakfast, and knows just what touches in the room make her guests feel at home. Abby, on my nightstand was a delightful little booklet of yours -- "Keepers." I read a piece or two from it each night before I turned out the lights.

I would like a copy of your booklet for myself -- and also one for each of my sisters who live out West. How can I get them?

Thank you in advance for the information, and happy new year. -- AMANDA IN BUFFALO, N.Y.

DEAR AMANDA: I'm delighted you enjoyed the "Keepers" booklet. It contains some of my favorite inspirational and humorous pieces. To order the booklets, send a self-addressed envelope, plus a check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) for each copy, to: Dear Abby -- Keepers, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I invited another couple, whom we had not previously entertained, to our home for dinner. When my wife told me what she planned to serve, I told her she would do well to ask our guests if they liked that particular "exotic" dish, or if they had any dietary or religious restrictions or dislikes.

My wife insists that to do so would be impolite and unnecessary. Now there's a quarrel brewing over this. Who's right? -- IRON STOMACH SPOUSE, SUN CITY, CALIF.

DEAR SPOUSE: You are. A thoughtful hostess lets guests know what she's planning to serve in case they have food allergies or medical conditions. Not only is it thoughtful, it's good insurance.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)