DEAR ABBY: My two brothers, two sisters and I are not close. Our parents did everything possible to foster sibling rivalry, and as a result, we speak only a few times a year and rarely visit.

During the last few years, however, I have discovered quite a bit in common with my younger brother, "Randy." Among other things, we are both gay.

Randy recently asked me if I thought anyone from our family would show up if he and his live-in partner, "Jeff," were to hold a commitment ceremony. (Many members of our family belong to the Reformed and Christian Reformed churches, both well-known for being unfriendly to gays.)

I am excited and happy for my brother. Would it be tacky of me to ask him if I could be his best man? He may have friends he feels closer to, who have played a bigger part in his life, and I wouldn't want to make him feel pressured to include me. Should I mention it to Jeff -- a fantastic guy, by the way -- and see what he thinks? Or should I keep quiet? -- EXCITED OVER MY BROTHER'S BIG FAT GAY WEDDING

DEAR EXCITED: If I were you, I would take no chances on a miscommunication. Tell your brother how excited and happy you are for him and his partner, and that you would love to be a part of his commitment ceremony in any capacity he and Jeff see fit. (If he already has a best man in mind, perhaps you could do a reading.) Considering the dynamics in your family, your brother should be pleased by your gesture of solidarity.

DEAR ABBY: I am an 18-year-old girl with a problem. I think I'm going crazy. For a couple of years now, I have been having strange thoughts. For instance, I believe there are people who can see me. I talk to them. (My family has overheard me talking to these "people." They can be acquaintances, famous celebrities or anyone.)

I don't hear their voices or hallucinate, but for some reason I just can't shake these "feelings." I do not use drugs of any kind. I have told my parents about this, but they tell me I need to get out more, to serve others and take my mind off it.

I have done research on mental illnesses like schizophrenia and personality disorders, but I can't identify what's wrong with me. I want to see someone about this, but my parents think it's a bad idea. I love them and I know they care about me, but when it comes to my problem, it seems like they want to ignore it and hope I'll grow out of it. Please help me. I am ... DESPERATE IN PARK CITY, UTAH

DEAR DESPERATE: You appear to be a very intelligent young woman. Although your parents might wish it, you and I both know that talking to people who aren't there and thinking they can see you is not behavior that will go away if you "get out more and serve others" to distract yourself. I urge you to contact your physician and ask for a referral to a mental health professional -- preferably a psychiatrist. You need more help than I can give you in a letter or newspaper column. Please don't wait.

ODE TO MYOPIA

My face in the mirror isn't wrinkled or drawn.

My house isn't dirty -- the cobwebs are gone.

My garden looks lovely, and so does my lawn.

I think I might NEVER put my glasses back on.

(Author unknown; submitted by Willis A. Sterner, Madison, Wis.)

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I spend one weekend a month with his mother, taking her shopping, to dinner, movies, etc. My problem is I always wind up sitting in the backseat whenever she is with us.

It's not as though we have a little car and it would be hard for her to maneuver in and out. We have a nice-sized van, and I think she could get in and out of the back just as easily as she can from the front seat.

It has been this way for a couple of years now, and I haven't said anything to my husband because she is his mother. But I feel as his wife I should be honest with my husband.

Please help. We are about to go on vacation with my mother-in-law, and I don't want to have to spend it in the backseat for a six-hour drive. -- AFRAID TO SPEAK UP IN PHILLY

DEAR AFRAID: If you want to sit in front, you must be up-front with your husband about your feelings. The longer you quietly tolerate the seating arrangement, the longer it will continue. The next time the two of you go to pick up his mother, roll down the window and say, "Hop in the back, Mom; I want to sit next to your wonderful son." And your husband should back you up. Bon voyage, and have a nice trip.

DEAR ABBY: My neighbor of five years, "Christopher," recently confided to me that he is a cross-dresser. At first I gave him credit for being so open about it, but ever since that conversation, I see him dressed only as "Kristin."

Whenever he sees me outside, Christopher comes over all dolled up. He even walks his dog dressed as Kristin -- complete with heels and hose. He thinks I don't have a problem with it, but now that I'm actually seeing him dressed in women's clothing, I'm not so sure.

He is now asking me to "do lunch" and wants to accompany me to my all-female gym.

Please help me, Abby. I liked him as Christopher, but I'm really uncomfortable with Kristin. It's to the point where I no longer feel comfortable going outside for fear I'll have to deal with this guy. What can I say to him? -- CONFUSED IN MINNESOTA

DEAR CONFUSED: Honesty is the best policy. Say, "With all respect, I think you're lovely as Kristin, but I'm more comfortable with my friend, Christopher." That should get you off the hook.

DEAR ABBY: One of my co-workers, "Helen," celebrated her birthday. It's a tradition at our office to "surprise" the birthday person with a cake, so Helen's closest co-worker went out to buy one. When it came time for the surprise, everyone was astonished to see Helen's age written on the icing!

None of us here is a kid anymore, and that information should not have been included on the cake. The woman who planned the party thought it was hilarious, but Helen was not amused.

Abby, was it wrong for Helen's age to be revealed in such a manner? And how should she approach her friend to let her know it was a bad idea? -- CARING CO-WORKER IN THE GARDEN STATE

DEAR CARING CO-WORKER: Yes, it was wrong. Helen deserves an apology. Mentioning age in the workplace can be discriminatory. And unless you want a prankster doing the same thing to you, I recommend that everyone present at the "surprise party" tell the offender it was a bad idea.

DEAR ABBY: One of my co-workers, "Helen," celebrated her birthday. It's a tradition at our office to "surprise" the birthday person with a cake, so Helen's closest co-worker went out to buy one. When it came time for the surprise, everyone was astonished to see Helen's age written on the icing!

None of us here is a kid anymore, and that information should not have been included on the cake. The woman who planned the party thought it was hilarious, but Helen was not amused.

Abby, was it wrong for Helen's age to be revealed in such a manner? And how should she approach her friend to let her know it was a bad idea? -- CARING CO-WORKER IN THE GARDEN STATE

DEAR CARING CO-WORKER: Yes, it was wrong. Helen deserves an apology. Mentioning age in the workplace can be discriminatory. And unless you want a prankster doing the same thing to you, I recommend that everyone present at the "surprise party" tell the offender it was a bad idea.

DEAR ABBY: I have a pet peeve I'd like to educate people about. As an amateur gardener, I take great pride in my garden. However, when friends and relatives come over to visit, they sometimes start "pulling weeds." Please understand, my garden is a NATURAL garden. Therefore, what may appear as "weeds" to others are my "flowers."

Because of a stroke I suffered, I must use a cane. I know these folks think they're helping me by pulling weeds, but in reality they're destroying all my hard work. What can I say to them, Abby? -- WATCHING MY GARDEN GROW IN TULSA

DEAR WATCHING: How about "Stop!" And since your "helpful" friends and relatives are ignorant about ecological gardens, post small signs in your yard identifying the various kinds of plants on display. That way, it will be obvious, even to the well-meaning but unenlightened, that they are not "weeds."

DEAR ABBY: I am a 20-year-old single mother who once enjoyed a beautiful life. Everything changed this past year when my husband -- the father of my then-unborn child -- died suddenly.

After his death, I suffered severe emotional pain and did not wish to go on living. However, I knew I must -- for the sake of our baby.

Here's where it gets complicated: I recently met a young man and have fallen in love. Abby, please understand that I still love my late husband with all my heart. I cry for him every day and miss him terribly. I even talk to him late at night while I'm holding our child. But I can't help loving the new man in my life, too. The love and understanding he offers me is wonderful. Please help me know what I should do. -- TORN IN DALLAS

P.S. Also, what should I do when it is time to teach my child what to call the new love of Mommy's life?

DEAR TORN: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of your husband. Let me offer a word of caution. You suffered a great loss when your husband died, and he died at a time when you were particularly vulnerable.

Since you still "cry for him every day and talk to him every night," do not rush into another relationship until you have gotten grief counseling (your doctor or clergyperson can refer you). What your child should call your new love will evolve naturally.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 14-year-old girl. When I was only 18 months old, I lost my mom. She was killed in a motorcycle accident. My father isn't around, so I live with my grandparents. They don't want me to see my dad, but I wouldn't mind seeing him once in a while.

Grandma and Grandpa say my dad's a bad guy -- but he's still my dad and I love him.

Do you have any suggestions about what I should do, Abby? Should I wait until I'm older to understand this better, or what? -- NEEDING GUIDANCE IN INDIANA

DEAR NEEDING: At 14, you are old enough to learn the truth about your father. If you cannot make your grandparents understand that, perhaps another adult could intercede on your behalf.

Dad may not turn out to be the person you would hope -- but you're not a little girl anymore, and you have the right to find out if he's worthy of your love.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)