DEAR ABBY: My two brothers, two sisters and I are not close. Our parents did everything possible to foster sibling rivalry, and as a result, we speak only a few times a year and rarely visit.
During the last few years, however, I have discovered quite a bit in common with my younger brother, "Randy." Among other things, we are both gay.
Randy recently asked me if I thought anyone from our family would show up if he and his live-in partner, "Jeff," were to hold a commitment ceremony. (Many members of our family belong to the Reformed and Christian Reformed churches, both well-known for being unfriendly to gays.)
I am excited and happy for my brother. Would it be tacky of me to ask him if I could be his best man? He may have friends he feels closer to, who have played a bigger part in his life, and I wouldn't want to make him feel pressured to include me. Should I mention it to Jeff -- a fantastic guy, by the way -- and see what he thinks? Or should I keep quiet? -- EXCITED OVER MY BROTHER'S BIG FAT GAY WEDDING
DEAR EXCITED: If I were you, I would take no chances on a miscommunication. Tell your brother how excited and happy you are for him and his partner, and that you would love to be a part of his commitment ceremony in any capacity he and Jeff see fit. (If he already has a best man in mind, perhaps you could do a reading.) Considering the dynamics in your family, your brother should be pleased by your gesture of solidarity.