DEAR ABBY: I am a retired soldier. Some time ago, I wrote the following verse for those who are now fighting for us. What can we do for them? Write, yes! But better than that, LIVE. -- CORTLAND E. RICHMOND, ROHNERT PARK, CALIF.

DEAR CORTLAND: Thank you for granting me permission to use excerpts from your poem. Today is Veterans Day, and I am sure it will strike a responsive chord with all who read it.

CURRENCY

Do not give medals for our death;

Where we are, we cannot know.

Do not raise flags and hold parades;

Where we are, flags don't go.

We ask but one thing of our land,

Of you who had us fight:

"Please be WORTH the blood we shed,

"Be worth the eternal night."

We are the currency you spend

For freedom, fear or oil;

Our blood, the coin you pay,

Dark on some foreign soil.

DEAR ABBY: In the year 2000, I graduated from law school. Since then I have been unable to pass the state bar exam, which is offered only twice a year. It's a tough exam for someone like me who has never tested well. I have tried four times. The last time I was only 24 points away from passing.

Last month I was laid off from my job, and my husband has been supporting me and our two sons, 4 and 2. My husband is wonderful in that he not only supports me, but also encourages me to study harder and try once again to pass the bar. He knows that if I pass, I could one day double our current income.

I would be happy as an attorney, yet I think I could also find happiness in ANY job where I can help people. With the education I already have, I might be able to obtain a state or federal job, so I'm wondering if I should continue trying to pass the bar.

Do you think I should move on with my life and find another job, so I can begin repaying my student loans and not feel so guilty all the time?

Abby, looking back, I don't know if my four years of college and three more in law school were worth it. Perhaps my repeated failure to pass this one exam is really fate trying to tell me something. What do you think? -- FEELING GUILTY IN MISSOURI

DEAR FEELING GUILTY: I do not agree. You've worked hard; please don't give up now. However, before you take the bar exam again, be sure you're mentally and physically prepared. Take the bar review courses until you know the material backward and forward.

Consult your physician about your anxiety. He or she may be able to recommend an anti-anxiety medication to help you relax. The day before the bar exam, treat yourself to a full-body massage and listen to relaxing music. In the morning, eat a nutritious meal, look in the mirror and say, "I CAN DO THIS!" -- then take the bar exam. My readers and I are pulling for you.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Three years ago, my next-to-oldest daughter became angry with me and said, in front of my husband, "George" (her stepfather), that he had sexually abused her when she was small. I was furious that she would accuse him of anything like that. I thought she said it to get back at me.

Well, I have recently found out that what she said was true! George also abused my oldest daughter. They are now 34 and 36, and say they have forgiven him because he was drinking during those years.

Abby, I feel terrible for my daughters. I have been married to George for 31 years and would never have believed this in my wildest dreams! I'm sick about it and don't know what to do. My daughters have a good relationship with George now. I don't even want to look at him. Should I confront him? I don't know what good it would do now. Please help. -- FEELING NUMB IN INDIANA

DEAR FEELING NUMB: What George did is unforgivable. By all means confront your child-molesting husband, but not until you have first discussed this with a counselor and received some emotional support. Ask your daughters to accompany you in case they have any unresolved issues having to do with the abuse.

Since George has proven he can't be trusted around children, he belongs on a list of sexual offenders so he cannot molest other children with whom he might come in contact. And that includes grandchildren. Please don't wait.

DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law, Lois, was a loving person, especially to children. At any family gathering, Lois could be found in a corner with the kids, reading stories, playing games or just talking with them. When she died, it was hard on all of us. We tried to protect the kids by not crying in front of them. Sometimes I'd have to run to the bathroom to hide my tears.

One night I woke to hear my oldest son, who was 7 years old, sobbing his heart out. After calming him, I asked what was wrong. He replied, "Mommy, how come nobody cried when Aunt Lois died?"

Sometime later, my daughters, 4 and 5, ended a conversation in their bedroom and came into the kitchen. They told me they figured out why God had let Aunt Lois die: God needed someone in heaven to take care of the babies until they were born.

I learned some important lessons that year -- from my children. -- PATRICIA IN OCEANSIDE, CALIF.

DEAR PATRICIA: From the mouths of babes ... Children sometimes exhibit a level of emotional honesty and genuineness from which adults can learn. It is important for children to understand that adults have honest emotions and that showing sadness is not inappropriate. Failing to express these kinds of feelings can cause problems in later life. Books have been written on childhood grieving and are available in bookstores and in local libraries.

Thank you for sharing the important lesson you learned from your children.

DEAR READERS: Children under 10 years old will love this:

Q: What is stranger than seeing a catfish?

A: Seeing a goldfish bowl.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I haven't spoken to my friend, "Millie," in three months.

The history of our 20-year friendship is that when things are going good for Millie -- a promising new relationship, a serious boyfriend, a new husband, etc. -- she cuts me out of her life. (Millie says none of her men have cared for my company.) However, when things go wrong -- a fight with a boyfriend, a broken engagement, a divorce, etc. -- suddenly I am in the picture full time.

Abby, my husband and I truly care for Millie, but I've about had it. I have tried talking to her about her behavior, but she always says nothing is wrong.

Should I chuck this long-standing friendship? -- MAD AT MILLIE IN INDIANA

DEAR MAD: No, but recognize that you have become Millie's "foul weather friend." Be pleasant to her, but no longer allow yourself to get caught up in her psychodramas -- and for heaven's sake, don't depend on her for anything.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 15-year-old girl in need of advice about my mother. Although Mom and I rarely get into arguments, it seems we've grown apart. We don't seem to trust each other like we used to. We don't talk the way my friends talk to their moms.

Now that I'm getting older, I wish more and more that my mother and I could have the "best friend" relationship other daughters have with their moms. I love her very much, but wish I could talk to her about school and boys.

What can I do to break the ice so my mother and I can be more open with each other? -- WANTING TO BE CLOSER IN THE CAROLINAS

DEAR WANTING TO BE CLOSER: Get your mother's full attention. Find a quiet spot, sit her down, and tell her that now that you're a teenager, you need her more than ever.

Schedule a regular time you can be together without interruption. Trust isn't built overnight. Begin confiding in her and see how she reacts. If she reacts badly, look for another adult in whom you can confide.

DEAR ABBY: My problem involves a good friend of mine I'll call "Danny." He seems to be infatuated with my wife. Danny was best man at our wedding and kept making jokes like, "I get to marry her if you don't show up, right?"

Ever since the wedding, he makes comments about how he's going to "steal her away." When the three of us get together, Danny is overly affectionate with my wife and sometimes even tries to wrestle with her.

Since we're such good pals, I felt like I should talk to him about it. But when I brought up the subject, he dismissed it as jealousy. My wife and I have discussed this problem several times, but cannot find a way to resolve it. Neither of us wants to hurt Danny or damage our friendship, but we're both getting tired of this. Any ideas? -- NEW HUSBAND IN COLORADO

DEAR NEW HUSBAND: You are both being taken advantage of. Since you have already talked to your friend about how his behavior makes you feel, it's now time for your wife to speak up.

In no uncertain terms she should tell him to lay off and that his advances are inappropriate and a turnoff. If that doesn't bring about the desired result, end the friendship.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)