DEAR ABBY: Would it be OK to ask the parents of our daughter's fiance exactly what's wrong with him? We can tell he's "not quite right."

All our daughter, "Cheryl," knows is that "Kirk" is "learning-delayed" because she overheard his father discussing it with someone else. Cheryl has not asked for further details and is wondering if Kirk's condition can be passed on to their children.

Our only experience with someone who has a learning disability is our niece, who has been advised by her doctor that she can have normal children. We are wondering if this is the case with our future son-in-law.

Should we ask? If so, how does one ask a parent what is wrong with his or her child without seeming rude or nosy? Cheryl and Kirk love each other. It's apparent how happy they are. However, genetics are an issue we feel should be discussed.

Cheryl doesn't know how to bring up the subject, and neither does her father or I. We're well aware that hurt feelings could ensue without the utmost tact. We need some answers, Abby. Thanks for any you can offer. -- IN THE DARK IN THE NORTHWEST

DEAR IN THE DARK: Since your daughter is engaged to marry this young man, any question she might have that could have an impact on her marriage is a legitimate one. Your daughter should speak up and ask her fiance exactly what the problem is. If it's possible that his "learning delay" could affect their children, a talk with his family doctor -- and possibly genetic testing -- are in order.

DEAR ABBY: It is common knowledge that your readers are the most intelligent, well-informed people in the country. They are probably more informed than some of the people we have sent to Washington, D.C.

That is the reason for this letter, Abby. I am asking you to urge your readers to vote in today's election. I am not asking you to endorse any candidate -- that wouldn't be fair to his or her opponent, or to you.

I am just asking you to remind people to get off their collective rear ends, go to the polling station, do their civic duty and VOTE.

I personally don't care who a person votes for, as long as the turnout is greater this year than in 1998, when less than 40 percent of eligible Americans exercised their constitutional right. I would rather see "my candidate" lose by a whopping majority and have a record-high turnout, than win with another record-low voter turnout.

I'm fairly certain that the candidates who are running for office this year would agree with me on that point, even if they can agree on nothing else. -- A PROUD AMERICAN VOTER, BLOOMFIELD, N.J.

DEAR PROUD AMERICAN: You asked for it -- you've got it! Readers, a person who has the right to vote and doesn't do it is no better off than a person who doesn't have that privilege. This is not the time for any American citizen to say, "Let someone else do it." The direction our country takes -- domestically and internationally -- is to a great extent determined by the people who exercise their right to vote.

So cast your vote -- today's the day!

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 15 years old and have a big problem. My girlfriend, "Whitney," 17, and I have been friends for a long time. Her boyfriend, "Josh," 21, broke up with her. Soon after, Josh and I started talking. I really liked him. He was cool and we had a lot of fun.

When Whitney found out Josh and I were hooking up, she got jealous. One night when I was with Josh, Whitney called my parents and told them where I was. I had told my parents I was with another girlfriend.

My father got angry and went on and on for about a week questioning me about my relationship with Josh. When I couldn't stand it anymore, I admitted we were having sex. Father called the police and had Josh arrested. He was charged with child molestation.

I told the detective I had lied about Josh and me having sex, but he didn't believe me. Josh was found guilty of statutory rape and sent to prison for five years. The court wouldn't allow me to testify.

My life is over. My former friends hate me. They call me names and write me dirty notes threatening revenge. Josh was popular and has a lot of friends.

I want to help Josh get out of prison. He did not rape me. I knew exactly what I was doing. I have had sex with boys for about two years, but my parents don't know. I'm afraid if I tell them, they'll have those other boys arrested, too.

Josh does not deserve to be in prison. What can I do to make up for what has happened because Whitney got jealous and got us into trouble? Please don't tell me to talk to a school counselor. Everyone at school hates me. -- GOING CRAZY IN TEXAS

DEAR GOING CRAZY: Regardless of your sexual history, at 21, Josh was old enough to know better. He was sneaking around with a minor -- you -- and in doing so he broke the law.

It's time for you to grow up and stop blaming others for a problem that you caused. If you won't go to a school counselor, contact a local mental health clinic and ask for teen counseling. And since there is hostility at your high school, perhaps you should consider transferring and finishing your education at another school.

DEAR ABBY: I am five months' pregnant with my second baby. At a recent family wedding, my husband's 40ish cousin came up to me and touched my stomach! No one had ever done this to me before -- and I was shocked. I instinctively "shooed" her hands away.

Well, she was offended and burst into tears. I apologized, although I thought it was very rude and that she should have apologized to me. Most of the other family members felt she had done nothing wrong.

Abby, I don't hold grudges, but my husband's family seems to. What do you say? -- MARTHA IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR MARTHA: Your husband's cousin should have asked if you minded before putting her hands on your stomach. Under the circumstances, your reaction was normal. After the baby arrives, this incident will be forgotten -- as it should be. Sometimes a dose of amnesia can have a positive effect on family relationships.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I have a 16-year-old son, "Jordy." He has a lot of guy friends who occasionally sleep over on weekends, listening to CDs and playing on the computer. They are all good kids. They talk to me and are respectful of the house.

A few weeks ago, on a Saturday night at about 11 p.m., Jordy and three other guys were in the driveway playing basketball. A neighbor called the police to complain about the noise. Two officers showed up and spoke to the boys. The kids were quick to apologize. The police never spoke to me -- I was in the house with the door open, but was unaware of the incident.

I was angry that a neighbor would call the police before talking to me or the boys first. Eventually, I found out which neighbor made the call; I confronted him. Now he's put out with me for "making a big deal" out of the fact that the cops were called.

Jordy and his friends never meant to cause trouble. They were having fun and got carried away with their laughter. The arrival of the squad car embarrassed them.

Frankly, I'm glad I can provide a safe place for them to hang out, so they're not wandering around town being bored.

I wish neighbors would be just that -- neighbors. I thought we were supposed to look out for each other. I'm trying to let this go, but I won't be satisfied until that neighbor apologizes to Jordy and his friends. Am I right, Abby? -- PITMAN, N.J., MOM

DEAR MOM: I don't know your neighbor; however, it is possible he is the kind of person who dislikes confrontation -- and that's why the police were called. Police routinely investigate noise complaints. The fact they stopped by isn't going to mar anyone's record.

It's unfortunate that the neighbor didn't complain to you or the boys first, but I don't think an apology is called for. Now that you know you have a noise-sensitive neighbor, have the boys in the house by 10 p.m., or ask him to let you know when the boys are too loud.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 14-year-old girl who learned something very special last holiday season. I learned there's more to Christmas than just getting gifts -- it's also GIVING gifts. Some families can't afford to give their kids presents.

My family participated in a program through my mom's work called Adopt-a-Family. Through this program, you receive a piece of paper with the name and address of a needy family. There is also a list of some items that they want or need. We bought gifts for a mother and her two sons who are 6 and 7.

Instead of requesting DVD players and computer games, these kids wanted warm clothes and board games. Those little boys wanted things that are practical. The mother also listed items like towels, washcloths, dishes and a toaster.

If more families quit thinking about what they want and gave more thought to what others need, they could also help a needy family around Christmastime and other times. If they do, it will make their Christmas a whole lot better! -- WANTING TO HELP IN OREGON

DEAR WANTING TO HELP: That's a terrific idea. Families, churches and businesses who would like to participate in such a program should contact the local department of social services or local churches and get the names of needy families. Blessed are those who give from the heart -- and bless you for a wonderful suggestion.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)