DEAR ABBY: My husband, "George," and I have been married 36 years. During that time I have disagreed with some of the choices he's made, but his latest escapade tops them all.

A year ago, George expressed a desire to rekindle a friendship with a woman he'd had a crush on in high school. (I'll call her Kate.) Kate said she wondered what had happened to some of their old classmates, so George suggested they attend their 40th class reunion together. I didn't care to go, so I agreed it might be fun for them to see the old gang.

Since then, the three of us have enjoyed dinners and movies. They're now planning a seven-day Caribbean cruise together and say they want to share a room to save money. I was invited, but I don't plan to go.

George insists there is no sexual attraction -- but I'm becoming uncomfortable and annoyed with the situation. The chosen few to whom he's confided his vacation plans say I'm crazy for allowing things to escalate this far. I'm beginning to agree.

My husband recently had a heart attack and takes numerous medications. I have stuck by his side all these years while he was in and out of the hospital with various ailments. I don't understand why he now wants to spend so much time with a friend, while neglecting a faithful wife.

As I sit typing this letter, George has gone for yet another one of their "friendship visits."

Abby, what's wrong with this picture? We're the talk of the neighborhood. Any suggestions? -- DESERTED WIFE IN MISSOURI

DEAR DESERTED: Yes! Spouses should be playmates as well as helpmates. If you haven't already realized it, you're playing with dynamite. Reorganize your priorities immediately, and stop enabling your husband to spend so much time alone with his old high school crush.

Kate reminds your husband of the time when he was young and healthy. After his heart attack, he is living life to the fullest -- however, he should be living it with you. Since your husband has told you you are welcome to be with them, make it your business to go on the cruise. You, not Kate, should be the one sharing his stateroom.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 12-year-old girl. Lately I've been thinking about famous people and the impact they have on the lives of children and teenagers. If some rock star gets caught smoking marijuana or an athlete takes steroids, I know kids my age who would go straight out and try it.

These singers, athletes, actors and musicians don't realize how powerful their influence is. You can't rationalize behavior by saying, "Oh, they should have known better." Hello? I don't think so.

To all of the famous people out here, whether you realize it or not, you are role models for us kids and young adults all across the nation. So PLEASE, before you do something dangerous, stupid or illegal -- think about the impact it will have on your fans. -- A MINOR WHO KNOWS, HAWTHORNE, N.J.

DEAR MINOR: For one so young, you have a good head on your shoulders. I agree that when someone enters public life, setting a good example is a small price to pay for fame and fortune.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY READERS: An important reminder: Have you remembered to change the batteries on your smoke alarms and that daylight-saving time is over, so clocks should be set back one hour? I hope so!

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I had an eye-opening experience last Sunday. Our 13-year-old son has always seemed fairly happy and well-adjusted. As we were about to leave for church, I looked at him and I could feel that something was not right. His face had a desperate look. I asked him, "Are you OK?" and that was all it took. My boy began sobbing and told me he'd been crying every night for the past two weeks. I knew he'd had some trouble sleeping, but I thought it was just growing pains.

I immediately began asking all kinds of questions -- and listened carefully to everything he said. I told him we would get him help the next day. Just the fact that I believed him and was willing to take action seemed to lift some of the burden he's been carrying around.

His father and I and both of his grandparents have all had problems with depression. The doctor later told our son how fortunate he is to have parents who don't minimize their children's feelings.

Abby, I cannot impress enough to parents the importance of paying attention to their children's moods and body language. In their own quiet way, kids try to tell you when something is wrong. Our sons and daughters are gifts to be cherished. If you sense something is wrong, KEEP ASKING! -- GRATEFUL MOTHER IN MINNESOTA

DEAR GRATEFUL MOTHER: Your son is also fortunate that because of your family history, you were sensitive to the signs of depression and recognized them for what they were. Depression also strikes people who have no family history.

Anyone, regardless of age, who experiences any five of the following symptoms for two weeks or more should consult a mental health professional:

(1) Feeling of sadness and/or irritability.

(2) Loss of interest or pleasure in activities once enjoyed.

(3) Changes in weight and appetite.

(4) Changes in sleep patterns.

(5) Feeling guilty, hopeless or worthless.

(6) Inability to concentrate, remember things or make decisions.

(7) Fatigue or loss of energy.

(8) Restlessness or decreased activity noticed by others.

(9) Thoughts of death or suicide.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 18 years. One year ago, my mother-in-law informed me that her adult daughter (my sister-in-law) has a problem with me calling her parents Mom and Dad. Needless to say, my feelings were hurt, and for the past year I have felt very uncomfortable not knowing what to call them. I would feel strange calling them by their first names now.

I finally found the courage to ask my sister-in-law if she was really bothered. She said, "Yes. You have your own parents." I couldn't believe she felt this way, especially after all these years. We've always gotten along -- or so I thought.

My questions are: Does my sister-in-law have issues? Should I continue to call them Mom and Dad? -- ANNOYED IN THE NORTHWEST

DEAR ANNOYED: Call your in-laws whatever you wish -- as long as it's OK with THEM. Your sister-in-law is jealous. This is her problem. Don't make it yours.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: Of course, you make your living giving your know-everything advice to needy deficients, but that does not excuse patronizing error.

You were wrong in telling "A Survivor in Florida" -- who was raped by her stepfather when she was 11 -- to harpoon her elderly, sick mother who didn't protect her, in order to exorcize what she should have resolved for herself, with psychiatric aid if necessary. Better for her to have said to her mother, "I love you," than rehash her childhood sexual abuse.

What do you know about what a woman has to do to maintain support for five children, and then, to justify her errors to herself? (And live with them.) Furthermore, do you have any assurance that harpooning the sick, elderly mother with the writer's ideas of "the truth" would result in "exorcizing" for either party? You have more responsibility to folk than that, even if that is "what you are there for." -- ANGRY IN PORTLAND, ORE.

DEAR ANGRY: The people who write to me are not "deficient." They are people less hostile than you, who have problems they would like an outside opinion in dealing with.

The elderly mother in this case sacrificed her 11-year-old daughter in order to continue to live with the monster she had married and who had raped her little girl! That mother has lived her entire adult life in blissful denial while the victim had to carry not only the burden of the crime that was committed against her, but the accusation that she had been "trying to steal her mother's husband."

I feel it is more important that "Survivor" live out her remaining years with her head up and the truth off her chest than for her mother to die with the big lie unchallenged. Sex with an 11-year-old is RAPE. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I, too, was raped by my stepfather when I was 7. For years it haunted me, and I turned to alcohol and drugs at 13. Finally, at 15, my mother and I had a big fight and I told her what happened. It was a huge relief for me even though the statute of limitations had run out. "Survivor" should tell her mom before it's too late. If the woman refuses to believe her, then God will help her see the "real him" when the time comes. -- RELIEVED IN S.C.

DEAR RELIEVED: I hope so.

DEAR ABBY: You were terrific to respond to that woman the way you did. From ages 11 to 16, I was also an incest victim of my natural father. I went through the same behavior, fears and more. At 19, once at college, I took myself to counseling -- against my family's wishes. Please tell this woman to calmly confront her mother. She probably knew anyway and is blocking it. I found that out at 24. -- VETERAN SURVIVOR, GAINESVILLE, FLA.

DEAR SURVIVOR: I'm pleased you had the wisdom to seek help as early as you did. And now, I would like to quote from a letter I received from Marge Harrison of Eutawville, S.C. She is a wise lady:

"Abby, in dealing with the horror of rape, such as this woman was, it is important to remember that the reason mothers were quick to blame the victim years ago is that there was so much denial and stigma at the time. The belief was that the victims 'got themselves into the situation,' and were therefore responsible. The belief was so prevalent that even the victims believed this lie. It is only in recent years that society puts blame for rape on the aggressor -- where it belongs."

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)