DEAR ABBY: I have the same problem as "Troubled Wife in Riverhead, N.Y." whose husband refuses to attend work-related social functions with her because he doesn't feel comfortable mingling.

My solution is to find a co-worker who might not have a "date" either and go with him or her. I have found that, especially with people who have recently become single and are tentative about facing social functions alone, it is a welcomed invitation. Should anyone ask why my husband is absent, I simply say, "'Betty' and I decided to make it a girls' night out" and leave it at that. -- SOLVED MY SOCIAL DILEMMA, EASLEY, S.C.

DEAR SOLVED: Way to go! An added bonus is that you don't have to worry about entertaining your companion, because he or she already knows everyone. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I agreed a long time ago that there would be things we would do solo in our married lives. We do not attend work functions together. It saves me from having to worry whether he is enjoying himself, and I can fully enjoy conversations about work or work-related topics without feeling guilty that he's not involved, bored or uncomfortable. My husband is fun to be with. I am ever-so-proud to be with him -- just not every minute. -- SUE IN ALDEN, N.Y.

DEAR SUE: I'm pleased you found a solution that works for both of you. However, not everyone is as self-assured as you.

DEAR ABBY: "Troubled Wife" should leave her husband at home as you advised. However, she should recognize that he's sabotaging her career. His refusal to attend company parties is a not-so-subtle form of abuse that may eventually make her economically dependent on him.

Her husband's economic sabotage is a clue that she may need to be financially independent in the future. If I were her, I'd set aside a retirement and savings account of my own.

She doesn't really need a husband as an accessory. A purse and shoes to match are sufficient. -- FEMALE PH.D., SAN PEDRO, CALIF.

DEAR FEMALE Ph.D: Now, now! But you're right -- in the business climate of 2002, it's no longer mandatory that a woman be joined at the hip with her spouse.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a professor of management at an Ohio liberal arts college. For 15 years, I have given students a writing assignment that's virtually identical to the issue raised by "Troubled Wife." My purpose is to check for gender bias. I give them all the same situation, but for half the class the working spouse is a woman, and for the other half, it's a man.

When I started doing this, if the working spouse was a man, about 60 percent of my students would say the wife should be required to attend. However, only 40 percent would require a husband to attend his wife's business social events.

Today the figure is closer to 50/50. My current business students appear to be indifferent to whether it is a husband urging his wife to attend or vice versa.

I see this as progress. -- GLENN BLAIR, MEDINA, OHIO

DEAR GLENN: So do I.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I have a quick pop quiz for you and your readers: You are at greater risk from fire in:

(a) a high-rise hotel.

(b) a single-family house.

(c) an elementary school.

If you answered hotel or school, you are not only incorrect, but by not recognizing the potential for fire, you may also be dangerously ill-prepared to deal with a home fire if it strikes.

Although news coverage of high-rise and other public occupancy fires tends to be more widespread, the fact is eight out of 10 fire deaths occur in the home. Although the number of fire fatalities has dropped significantly over the past decade, the percentage of fires that occur in the home has remained steady.

Fire can happen to anyone. But no one has to be a victim. This week is Fire Prevention Week. As its official sponsor for 80 years, the National Fire Protection Association (NFPA) is urging Dear Abby readers to log onto www.firepreventionweek.org to download free fire safety information and a home escape worksheet. Your local fire department is working with NFPA as part of the "Team Up for Fire Safety" educational campaign. They need you on their team. Please download the free information now. It could save your life. -- JAMES M. SHANNON, CEO, NFPA

DEAR JAMES AND DEAR READERS: I'm sure I speak for everyone in voicing gratitude for your timely and important letter.

We all need to be aware of three simple steps that can be taken right now to make our homes safer from fire. Every household MUST have working smoke alarms on each level, and they should be tested once a month to assure that they're working properly. Smoke alarms provide an early warning, giving families time to escape.

To make that escape as quick and safe as possible, it is vital that a plan be made in advance -- with two possible exits out of every room. It is essential to PRACTICE a home fire drill regularly so each family member is familiar with it. It should be practiced in order to identify obstacles or difficulties that could slow your escape.

Finally, remember that the best protection from fire is to prevent it in the first place. Conduct a hunt for home hazards, such as unattended lighted candles, space heaters too close to combustibles and overflowing ashtrays. Correcting such hazards will go a long way in protecting you and your families from fires.

DEAR ABBY: I was married two weeks ago. Every morning, my new husband gets up at 5:30 and goes to his mother's house (where he was living before) to eat breakfast and get ready for work.

He eats dinner at his mom's every night and stays there overnight on Friday and Saturday.

This is becoming exasperating because I rarely see him, and he isn't paying his share of our bills.

Please help me, Abby. I'm going broke. -- BRIDE ON THE BRINK IN MECHANICSVILLE, MD

DEAR BRIDE: You married a man who wasn't ready to leave his mother -- and hasn't. Tell him that when a man marries, he is expected to eat his meals with his wife -- not his mother. If he refuses, speak to a lawyer about an annulment.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 13-year-old girl with a problem. Last spring, the day after we graduated from eighth grade, one of my friends was killed in a car accident.

Not a day goes by without my thinking about her -- or the words the principal said when he told our class the horrible news. I've read all the newspaper stories and have visited her grave. I plan on going again on her birthday. When I go to the cemetery and realize she is in the ground, I start crying a thousand tears.

I try to remember the good times we spent together -- the way she threw a ball and her big smile that could brighten anyone's day. She smiled all the time. (I used to be jealous of her because she was one of the prettiest girls in school.)

I would like to tell her family how much I loved her and to tell them all the good things we did together. I want them to know I am always thinking about her, but I don't know how to begin a letter. Can you help? -- MISSING MY FRIEND IN INDIANA

DEAR MISSING: I am sorry to learn you lost your dear friend. My heart goes out to you, her family and other friends.

Start the letter to the family by writing, "I'd like you to know the reasons I'll never forget your daughter ..." Such a letter will be a priceless treasure to her parents and will help you to work through your own grief.

DEAR ABBY: I have a sister I'll call Lisa, who refuses to contact any of the family. Granted, for years she was physically abused by our father, our mother was cold and emotionally abusive, and I guess the family in general was unsupportive. But no family is perfect. Right?

Everyone in the family thinks Lisa is being selfish, bitter and unforgiving, myself included. I stood by my family. Lisa turned her back.

The last time I talked to Lisa, she said she had suffered greatly due to the family and wants a life of her own. How can she do this? She claims she doesn't feel "safe" with us.

I know our family isn't perfect by any means, and I know I haven't been the greatest sister, but she can't just leave! Right? She has a responsibility to this family. Isn't she being neglectful to simply turn her back on us?

Abby, you know how important family is. How can I get Lisa to admit she is wrong and return to the family? -- FRUSTRATED SISTER IN CANADA

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Lisa isn't being selfish, bitter or unforgiving. After a lifetime of abuse, she has somehow become healthy and refuses to tolerate being mistreated any longer.

The best advice I can offer is to accept her decision and wish her well. She has served her time and has gone on to better things. Console yourself with the fact that you and the family still have each other.

DEAR ABBY: There are two nice young men working in our office. One is being married in a few months, and the other man's wife is expecting a baby around the same time.

Is it appropriate to give them showers? How about a combined shower? Or is the whole idea of showers for men just not done? -- CURIOUS OFFICE MATE

DEAR CURIOUS: Not done? Joint showers are a terrific concept. Invite the bride-to-be and the mother-to-be and make it a "Jack and Jill" shower. I see nothing inappropriate about showering good wishes and all that goes with them on these young couples.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)