DEAR ABBY: I am writing because of the letter from "E.M. in Florida," the woman who was raped at age 15 by two policemen during World War II. She is still haunted by that tragedy.

When I was 11, my mother went to the hospital to have her fifth child. While she was gone, my stepfather raped me. He said if I told he would hurt my two little sisters.

Every night I feared the rape would happen again. After my sisters were asleep, I would crawl under my bed and scoot back as far as I could. Then I'd watch the crack under the bedroom door to see if my stepfather was approaching. I never told my mother what happened.

One night, my stepfather got drunk and told my mother he and I had sex. She came to me and hit me hard. She said, "How dare you try to take my husband!"

I ran away that night. I was 15. I didn't see my mother for many years. I moved to another state. Forty years later, my elderly mother and I are talking, but not one word has been said about the rape.

How can my mom think I had sex willingly with that awful man when I was only 11? My whole life was messed up because of him. I have prayed about this, but I'm not going to say anything to her after all these years. She is not in good health, due to cancer.

When I was 20, my stepfather killed himself. My mother now talks about him a lot. She will say, "Daddy did this for us," and "Daddy was a good man." I hold my breath and wait for her to change the subject. I hate that my mother doesn't know the truth. I can't tell her. She is more than 80 years old and sick.

I did nothing wrong. Thank you for letting me spout off. -- A SURVIVOR IN FLORIDA

DEAR SURVIVOR: You're welcome. That's what I'm here for.

Now, please allow me to offer you some unsolicited advice. You should have set the record straight with your mother years ago. Even though she is ill, it is not too late to do it. It is as important for her to hear the truth from you as it is for you to tell it. Until you speak up and set things straight, the ghost of that child-molesting monster she married will stand between you. You have protected him long enough. Gather your courage and speak out. It will begin your healing.

I know I may sound like a broken record, but counseling can help you to put this unhappy chapter of your life to rest once and for all. Ask your doctor for a referral, or call the nearest rape hotline.

DEAR ABBY: I have a serious problem. My father is unreasonably strict. I am 16, and he won't let me do hardly anything. He will not let me go places unless there is parental supervision at all times. To make matters worse, yesterday when I was dropped off at a girlfriend's house, he made my mother go to the door to meet her parents! They weren't home, so I was not allowed to stay. I had to get back in the car and my parents drove me home. I have never been so embarrassed in my life.

My father is the king of the household and whatever he says goes. He's impossible. Help. -- TEEN HELD CAPTIVE IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR CAPTIVE: You are cursed with parents who love you. Every teenager should have the advantages you have.

P.S. Be assured, you will appreciate your father's "strict" attitude when you are older and become a parent.

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DEAR ABBY: I am a single mother with two delightful children under 10. My ex and I have been divorced for seven years. It is his choice to have no contact with his children.

Three months ago, I met "Nate." Since then, we have spent a lot of time together. He has restored my faith and trust in men. Sine Nate and I are still getting to know each other, I feel it is too soon to introduce my children to him. I really think Nate could be "the one," but if our relationship doesn't work out, I don't want my children to be hurt by losing another male role model.

The problem is my mother. She takes care of my children and strongly believes that now is the time for the kids to meet Nate. I disagree, and my mother now refuses to take care of my children.

Am I prudent to wait to introduce Nate to my children until I am more confident about where our relationship is going, or is my mother right? -- TRYING TO BE A GOOD MOM

DEAR TRYING: For your mother to try to blackmail you into doing what she wants by refusing to watch the children is both controlling and wrong. Your children need continuity in their lives right now -- not the turbulence that could result if your love life became a revolving door.

Stand firm, and arrange for alternative child care until you know more about where your relationship with Nate is going.

P.S. Although your mother's tactics are heavy-handed, it's nice to know she approves of Nate.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 24-year-old woman deeply in love with a 32-year-old man I'll call Ben. The problem is this: I don't feel appreciated.

Ben is quick to tell me how afraid he is of losing me, but he has no problem canceling our plans at the whim of a friend. He works out of town, so he's gone five days a week, during which I basically go to work and come home.

When Ben is home on weekends, it seems as though everything and everyone is more important than spending time with me. In fact, right now he's out with one of his pals while I'm home alone.

I've brought this to Ben's attention countless times; nothing changes. I know I'm a good person and a good girlfriend. Please shed some light on my situation. Thanks. -- LOST IN CANADA

DEAR LOST: Face it, something is missing in this relationship -- him. If Ben were as in love with you as you are with him, he would want to spend more time with you when he's home on weekends. Regardless of what he says, his actions are sending a message, and you'd be wise to take heed. You deserve more than he is giving. Move on.

DEAR ABBY: I am a junior high school teacher. Throughout the year, I receive many gifts from my students. These gifts sometimes include cards from the parents expressing gratitude for the work I have done with their child.

Is it appropriate to write a thank-you note? Sometimes the gift is a combination Christmas present and thank-you gift, so the correct response is confusing. -- TEACHER IN MONTANA

DEAR TEACHER: Confusing? Regardless of who gives a gift -- or for what reason -- the giver should receive a written thank-you from you, acknowledging his or her thoughtfulness. You will be setting a wonderful example for your students to follow.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: A mother wrote asking if it was wrong to insist her gay son visit her without his partner because she did not support his lifestyle. You compared her son's lifestyle to being married with a spouse.

Sorry! This man and his partner are NOT married.

Before I was married, my husband and I did not sleep together at my parents' home. My parents were not naive, but they did not want unmarried people sharing a bedroom in their home. -- FEELS THE SAME IN WASHINGTON

DEAR FEELS THE SAME: From that, I infer you and your husband are now welcome to share accommodations in your parents' home because you are married. Until unions among committed gay couples are formally recognized, the son and his partner are as close as they can get to being "married." To discriminate against people for something they're not legally permitted is wrong. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Thank you for saying that people are born gay and don't choose to be that way. As the mother of a gay child, I know it's true. It's frustrating to continually hear that my child should be "deprogrammed" to be heterosexual or that somehow being gay was a personal choice. Nothing could be further from the truth. -- SHARON IN LEXINGTON, KY.

DEAR SHARON: Over the decades during which my mother wrote this column, she never once told me she had received a letter from -- or encountered -- anyone who told her he or she had "chosen" to be a homosexual. During the many years that I worked with my mother, neither did I. As an honorary consultant to the Group for Advancement of Psychiatry, I once asked this question at a meeting, "Is homosexuality a choice?" Not one physician said a patient had related that his or her sexual orientation was chosen. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Thanks for plugging PFLAG. Hopefully, that mother will learn she didn't lose a son; she just lost precious time with him she can never reclaim.

As the sibling of a gay person, I'm bewildered that people think someone would "choose a lifestyle" that is reviled, assaulted, denied civil rights and otherwise abused by the rest of the population. -- BOB IN ST. PETERSBURG, FLA.

DEAR BOB: You make a valid point. What I find particularly worrisome is that gay teenagers are among those at highest risk for alcoholism, drug abuse and suicide because of discrimination at a time when they are most vulnerable.

DEAR ABBY: That mother should be happy her son is honest about his gay orientation. My husband isn't. When I find him sending nude photos back and forth to guys from gay chat rooms, he lies and says he's only "curious." He also claims he's just chatting online -- and then I find he is meeting them. I ask, "Are you having safe sex?" and can't get an answer because he won't admit he's having sex.

He lies to himself, Abby, which makes it easy to lie to me, his family and his macho friends. I'm trying to find counseling for both of us and the marriage, but funds are limited. My husband refuses to admit there's a problem! -- ALONE AND ANGRY IN CINCINNATI

DEAR ALONE: Go to your computer and type in: www.ssnetwk.org. It's the site of the Straight Spouse Network. You'll find it provides a bonanza of information, including peer support, a reading list and the locations of support groups worldwide. (A new one has just been started in Cincinnati!) You may be justifiably angry, but you are NOT alone in this problem, as you will soon discover. I wish you the best of luck.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)