DEAR ABBY: I have been with my boyfriend, "Hoyt," for just under two years. I am 17 and he is 19. We have a wonderful relationship. We laugh, cry, fight, and every day seem to grow together as a couple. We love each other very much and want to be together for the rest of our lives. But there's a problem:

We are at a point where we need to focus on our futures. Ideally for me, I'd spend four years at an East Coast art school. Hoyt needs to stay on the West Coast and develop his musical career. We want to be together, but we also know it's important for each of us to develop our talents to the fullest.

Hoyt wants me to go to art school, and I want him to be the professional musician he dreams of being. However, the thought of being 3,000 miles away from each other for four years scares and depresses us both.

Abby, do you think it is possible for us to follow our dreams without losing the love we have for each other? -- FOUND TRUE LOVE IN OREGON

DEAR FOUND TRUE LOVE: I certainly do. With your level of maturity and concern for each other's futures, you can make a long-distance romance work. You can communicate via e-mail, phone calls and letters, and see each other on vacations and holidays. Sharing how you are each progressing toward your dreams will draw you closer.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance's 13-year-old daughter, "Cameron," stays in our home one night a week and every other weekend. She has decided to hang in her bedroom a huge framed picture of her parents taken on their wedding day. (Her mother has since remarried.)

I suggested to my fiance that perhaps Cameron could put the picture up in her room at her mother's, since seeing it every day is annoying for me.

My fiance says I am out of line even to suggest such a thing -- that it's Cameron's bedroom, and what's the big deal, anyway?

No doubt her mother wouldn't allow it being displayed in her home, as it would be disrespectful to her current husband. Well, I don't want it up in our home, because I consider it disrespectful to me.

Am I out of line, Abby? Please help settle this. -- TICKED OFF IN SPRINGFIELD, MASS.

DEAR TICKED-OFF: I agree with your fiance. Cameron's bedroom is her private refuge, and as long as it's kept clean, it should be the way she wants it. And that includes the picture of both of her parents taken in happier days. I urge you to rethink your stance on this, and to develop a more loving and tolerant relationship with your fiance's daughter.

DEAR ABBY: I am an older bachelor who recently moved into a new home. I invited my neighbors -- a young married couple -- over for a home-cooked meal. They brought with them a lovely bottle of wine.

I plan my dinners down to the last detail -- including selecting just the right wine to go with the meal. To make a long story short, I did not serve the wine my guests brought for our dinner.

After thanking me for a wonderful meal and a delightful evening, they took the bottle of wine they had given me and went home! I didn't say anything, but am I wrong to be appalled by their rude behavior? -- MR. NICE GUY IN TULSA

DEAR MR. NICE GUY: Give your neighbors the benefit of the doubt. Although you were under no obligation to serve their wine with the meal you carefully planned, they are a young couple and may have thought you didn't like their selection.

Yes, they should have left the bottle as a house gift -- but please don't let that ruin a budding friendship.

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DEAR ABBY: I am a 40-something female personnel recruiter. I have worked for the same company for many years. Once or twice a year, our employers host a party for all employees and their spouses. I love going because it gives me a chance to get to know the wives of the men I work with.

The problem is my husband, "Brad," hates going to these events. Brad claims he has nothing in common with my fellow employees -- or their spouses -- and doesn't feel comfortable mingling. I say he should be able to find something to talk about with someone. He has accompanied me for umpteen years and happens to be in the same profession as a number of the spouses. And then there's always sports -- that's a subject he could talk about in his sleep.

When Brad has gone with me in the past, he has always complained afterward that I didn't pay enough attention to him and that he felt awkward being left alone. I do circulate, but always try to introduce Brad around and bring him into the conversation with people he's meeting for the first time.

This year, he's insisting I go alone, and I'm very disappointed. I would hate to have to lie to my employers and co-workers as to why I'm there solo, but I could never tell them the truth about why Brad didn't want to come.

What irks me is that I'm willing to go with him to his work parties, even if I feel uncomfortable and just stand around with a frozen smile on my face. At least I'm there for my husband. So why can't Brad do the same for me, Abby? Am I wrong to push this issue -- or should I throw in the towel and go without him? -- TROUBLED WIFE IN RIVERHEAD, N.Y.

DEAR TROUBLED WIFE: Your husband has "done the same for you" and it hasn't worked out. He's miserable. Out of the kindness of your heart, go solo this year. I'm sure he'll be grateful. If you are asked about his absence, tell your co-workers that "Brad has other plans." You don't have to say his plans include watching TV in his pajamas. And if anyone asks to be remembered to your husband -- relay the message. Perhaps if he knows someone missed him, he'll feel more comfortable attending next year.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Tony," my 36-year-old never-married boyfriend, for two years. I am divorced with a teenage daughter, "Skylar."

Every summer Tony's entire family gets together at his parents' lakeshore home. Last year I went with him for a long weekend, but didn't take my daughter. This year, however, I've been invited for a week, and I'd like to bring Skylar along.

The problem is Tony's mother doesn't want my daughter to come. She says her three granddaughters need to bond with each other, and if Skylar were included in the visit, the "mix" wouldn't work.

Abby, those girls are the same age as Skylar. They have all met previously and they like each other. Naturally, I'm not going now. Tony will be leaving soon for the weeklong stay, and he doesn't understand why I'm upset over this. Do you think my feelings are justified? -- MAD IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR MAD: Absolutely. The refusal of Tony's mother to accept your daughter is a veiled rejection of you. Even if you and Tony were to marry, his mother would still try to create a wedge between the girls, because she views Skylar as an outsider. Until Tony finds the backbone to stand up to his mother, you'd be wise to rethink the relationship.

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DEAR ABBY: In 1982, I married the man of my dreams. In 1995, he had an affair with our son's fourth-grade teacher. In 1997, he moved our family 2,300 miles away from our relatives and friends. Early in 2001, he met a woman on the Internet and began an affair. Late in 2001, he walked out, abandoning his family physically and financially.

Abby, please answer these questions:

1. Do you think he will do the same to the woman he is with now?

2. Will he ever fully understand what he has done and what he has lost? (Our children are devastated.)

3. Do you think one day he will want to come home? (My friends think he will, but if he does, I wouldn't know what to do.)

Thanks for your advice. -- BETRAYED IN SALT LAKE CITY

DEAR BETRAYED:

1. Probably.

2. Probably not, since he appears to be without a conscience.

3. Only if his other relationships don't work out.

If your (former) husband should return, my advice would be to maintain your emotional and financial independence, because he has proved three times that you cannot depend on him.

DEAR ABBY: I was married less than two months ago. My husband, parents and I paid for everything. We had a tight budget, so my bridesmaids paid for their own dresses and hairstyles. My friend "Misty" was in the wedding. She was paired to walk down the aisle with one of my husband's best friends, "Stu." Misty and Stu hit it off, and as a result, they are being married in the fall.

My husband and I have not been asked to be in their wedding. We are very disappointed since we were the matchmakers.

Misty has now asked to borrow the very expensive crinoline that I bought and wore under my wedding dress. She claims her budget is tight and she can't afford one. The truth is, she's having a much larger wedding than mine, with all the extras I couldn't afford.

I want to tell Misty that she can't borrow my crinoline, but I feel pressured to come up with a good excuse. What do you think, Abby? Do you think I'm being selfish? -- NEW BRIDE IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR NEW BRIDE: I understand you are hurt not to be in the wedding, but take the high road. Lend her your crinoline. The chances of your wearing it again are slim, unless there's a drastic change in fashion trends. When you get it back, it will be twice blessed, and you will be a bigger person for having lent it.

DEAR ABBY: A year ago I had my name legally changed. I never liked the first name I was given, so I feel good about the fact that I did something about it.

My problem is people keep asking me why I changed my name, and I can't come up with a good response. I know why I did it, but I don't think I owe an explanation to anyone.

Abby, is there a simple answer for someone who asks without having to offer a long, drawn-out explanation? -- A ROSE BY ANY OTHER NAME

DEAR ROSE: Simply say, "I prefer this one. I see myself more of a 'Betty' than a 'Laura'" -– then change the subject.

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