DEAR ABBY: I have been bothered by something that happened a long time ago. In 1943, during World War II, I was a pretty 15-year-old living in Georgia. One evening, I went on a date with a very nice soldier named Elmer. I liked him a lot and he liked me. I wore a beautiful green suit.

We were walking toward the movie theater when I stopped to use a ladies restroom. Elmer waited outside for me. When I came out, two policemen drove past and looked at me. They stopped and ordered me to get into their patrol car. Elmer asked why. The heavy-set policeman said, "Soldier boy, get lost or we'll call the MPs and have you arrested." Then the policemen grabbed me and threw me into the patrol car.

They drove me to a dark church parking lot and raped me. First the heavy-set one, then the other one. Afterward, they drove me home. I felt dirty and violated. I was afraid to leave my home for fear they would return.

I never saw either policeman again and I never saw Elmer again, either. He never knew what happened to me.

In those days, a woman (or in my case, a child) would never dare to tell the authorities because the female was presumed to be automatically at fault. I had no one to talk to. No action was taken.

I am nearly 75 years old now. This happened a lifetime ago, but I remember it vividly -- even the name of one of the officers.

Abby, I hope you print this. In case Elmer is still living, I want him to know what happened to me. We were both nice kids, not bothering anyone. I did nothing wrong, so help me God. -- E.M. IN FLORIDA

DEAR E.M.: I'm printing your letter because I am sure you are not the only rape victim from that era who has been afraid to speak out about her assault. I believe you when you say you did nothing wrong. The men who harmed you violated their position of trust and authority.

Although it has been nearly six decades since your rape occurred, there is still help available for you in the form of post-traumatic stress counseling. Please pick up the phone and call RAINN (the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network) at (800) 656-HOPE (4673). RAINN will connect you with the nearest rape crisis center in your area. Please heed this advice. You'll be glad you did.

DEAR ABBY: My parents, who live in Europe, are finalizing their divorce. So far, I have remained neutral. However, I recently learned some very upsetting news about my dad -- that he's had multiple extramarital affairs. He also bad-mouths my mother to everyone who will listen.

Dad plans to retire next year and wants to visit me and my husband after that. This man is an alcoholic who has never sought treatment. I am not looking forward to his visit, but realize now is not the time to break off my connection with him.

As a compromise, I would like to propose that my dad visit my husband and me for one week -- but with the requirement that no alcohol be brought into our home. Does this sound reasonable, Abby? -- LOYAL TEXAS READER

DEAR LOYAL: If your father's personality changes when he drinks, it's not only reasonable, but it's also sensible. In your home, you make the rules. Remember that when your father objects (as he almost certainly will), and don't cave in.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: When I read the letter from "No Doctor's Playmate," whose doctor reached into her bra when she consulted him about an ear infection, I couldn't help but sympathize. The same thing happened to me. My surgeon walked into my hospital room and fondled my breasts when he checked my abdominal incision. When my gastroenterologist came, I told her I wanted him removed from my case and explained why.

Abby, she defended him! She said it was probably a routine breast exam. I told her that I'd had more than 30 years' worth of breast exams, and this was nothing like them. I also told her it was not authorized by me, and he was not my gynecologist. She then had the nerve to imply that I was dreaming or having a drug-induced fantasy. This happened eight years ago. I'm still furious about it.

He still has his shingle. So, ladies, if your doctor pulls anything funny -- report him! -- MAD IN OKLAHOMA CITY

DEAR MAD: Since he did this to you, he may be sexually abusing other women patients. After complaining to the referring physician and getting no satisfaction, you should have taken your complaint to the head of the hospital and to the state medical association. It's not too late to do it now. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: The same thing happened to me when I was 18. It happened a second time when I returned for a follow-up visit. I was so upset I told the nurses I didn't want to see that particular doctor again. (He was part of a group.) I was too embarrassed to explain exactly why.

Two years later, I was called by the Office of Professional Medical Conduct in New York state. They were investigating the doctor. Five women wound up testifying against him. None of us knew each other or heard each other's testimony, but similarities in our stories proved the doctor was guilty.

He took advantage of his medical license and his authority. The state eventually revoked his license to practice in New York. Talking about what he did to me was difficult, but it was also therapeutic. Doctors like that need to be stopped. I hope other victims will not be as scared as I was to speak out. My mistake was in not questioning when I knew something was wrong. -- WISER NOW IN OCEANSIDE, N.Y.

DEAR WISER NOW: I hope other women will take your experience to heart.

DEAR ABBY: I consulted a general surgeon about a problem totally unrelated to my breasts and the doctor did the same thing to me. I reported him to the state medical licensing board, and he now must have a nurse or staff member present during exams.

He claimed he "always" did breast exams on his patients, but I was able to provide names of two other women who saw him for surgical consultations, and he did not examine their breasts.

I am close to 50 and have had many breast exams. No doctor ever performed one while I was fully clothed. I join you in urging "No Doctor's Playmate" to report the incident immediately. -- ONLY MY HUSBAND'S PLAYMATE IN KENTUCKY

DEAR HUSBAND'S PLAYMATE: You handled the situation effectively. Good for you. And thank you for sharing with my readers how you dealt with the frisky-fingered physician.

P.S. This goes for readers of both sexes. If something doesn't seem "right," you have every right to question it. And if the answers don't make sense to you, get a second opinion.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 34-year-old woman who recently started dating a 40-year-old man I'll call Vince. We get along great and like each other very much.

The problem is my 83-year-old father. When Mom passed away last year, I was chosen to move back home to look after him. Suddenly I have a curfew -- which I ignore -- and Dad doesn't like me going out with Vince.

If this continues, it will ruin a potential relationship before it has a chance to develop. How can I convince my father I am no longer a child and should be allowed to live my own life while I'm still young enough to have one? -- UNDER HOUSE ARREST IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR UNDER HOUSE ARREST: Your father is well aware that you are not a child. I don't know his mental status, but it appears he does not want to lose a companion and housekeeper he can control.

I don't know who chose you to be your father's primary caregiver, but unless you put your foot down now, you will be taking orders from everyone until your father dies.

Work out a reasonable schedule with your siblings or a caretaking service so that you have enough private time for a life of your own. The alternative is your father being cared for by a full-time professional caregiver, and you moving out on your own.

DEAR ABBY: A co-worker sent me an invitation to a party celebrating her son's graduation from college. The envelope was addressed with a computer mailing label.

The party fell on a day I work, so I didn't even consider attending. I have never met the young man and have no social relationship with his mother. My initial reaction was to ignore the whole thing, but my wife thought I should send a gift of money as a matter of courtesy -- which I did.

Here's the clincher: I received a thank-you note written in my co-worker's handwriting! What do you make of this, Abby? -- PERPLEXED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR PERPLEXED: It's sad, really, because it shows the extent to which your co-worker has failed as a parent. The man's mother appears to be in complete control of her son's social life -- from who will attend his graduation party to acknowledging his gifts. Expressing gratitude for a gift is something her son should have learned by the age of 10.

DEAR ABBY: "Going Coconuts" complained that she and her fiance are having a Hawaiian-themed wedding and had received an invitation to a pre-wedding potluck luau at the home of her future brother and sister-in-law. She felt hurt and angry because they had "stolen" her theme. You sided with her.

I disagree. Her future in-laws may have been only trying to extend the theme of the wedding. "Coconuts" needs to remember that you don't marry just the man -- you also marry the family. This is no time to start a feud. If she doesn't attend the party, she'll be starting off on the wrong foot with her fiance's family.

I think you -- and "Coconuts" -- took it the wrong way. -- HAPPY INDIANA IN-LAW

DEAR HAPPY IN-LAW: I received a stack of letters from readers echoing your sentiments. I did not consider that the brother and sister-in-law might simply be applying the theme of the wedding rather than co-opting it. It would have been better had I offered the bride-to-be a dose of cool reality rather than a soft shoulder. I hope my advice didn't pour cold water on a hot party. Mea culpa.

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