DEAR ABBY: I am one of identical triplet girls. We're seniors in high school and experiencing some identity problems.

My sisters and I are good at many of the same things. We all play varsity field hockey, are on the cheerleading squad, take many of the same classes and share the same circle of friends.

My problem is I'm sick of being one of the "O'Sullivan triplets." I want to be just "Caitlin." Sometimes boys call our house and ask the sister who happens to answer the phone for a date, because going out with a triplet is a novelty.

Other boys who specifically want to go out with me become intimidated by my two sisters -- so they get cold feet about asking me. Only one boy ever wanted to date me because I'm me -- and he moved out of state.

Teachers keep asking which triplet I am. Coaches sometimes yell at me when their intention is to yell at one of my look-alike sisters. I'm so tired of people referring to us as a threesome.

My fear is that this won't end with high school graduation, because for financial reasons, we're all going to the same college.

Don't get me wrong, Abby, I love my sisters dearly -- but I'm ready to be my own person. How can I accomplish this without quitting the sports I love, giving up the friends I share with my sisters, or switching schools? Sign me ... JUST WANNA BE "ME" IN MARYLAND

DEAR JUST WANNA BE "ME": Discuss your feelings with your sisters. You may be surprised to learn they feel the same way you do. Next, look for ways to "individualize" yourself -- hair color, hair length, style of dress.

When you get to college, enroll in different classes at different times. You may discover you have separate interests. Make an effort to widen your circle of friends. Establishing yourself as an individual may take time, but a college campus is usually larger than a high school campus, so I'm betting your efforts will be successful. Good luck!

DEAR ABBY: My son is married to the most terrific woman in the world. The problem is he spends hours on the computer. The other day I visited a singles site and his name popped up. He had changed his last name, but he posted his picture on the site so I know it's him.

I'm extremely worried that he may be cheating on his wife, and it would kill her if it's true. Should I confront him? -- CONCERNED MOM IN COLORADO

DEAR CONCERNED MOM: By all means confront him. It won't be pleasant, but it might save his marriage. Give him a deadline to tell his wife what has been going on. If he has been fooling around, they both need to be examined for STDs. Her fertility, or even her life, could be at risk.

DEAR ABBY: I hope you can stand another story about the uses of pantyhose:

Three years ago I watched a bird building a nest in an evergreen tree outside our family room window. After a couple of windy days, I noticed the nest had tipped and the eggs had fallen out when a supporting branch broke.

I grabbed a pair of control-top pantyhose, tied the legs around the trunk of the tree and fastened the panty part to two small branches, forming a hammock for the nest to rest in.

I am happy to report that four dove families have used our pantyhose nest each year. And I have doves in my pantyhose as I write this. -- SALLY IN CLOVIS, CALIF.

DEAR SALLY: It's better than bats in your belfry or mice in your rice (to quote an old jingle I haven't heard in years!).

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband has broken my heart. We've been married a year, and he just informed me that he married me only to get back at his ex-girlfriend!

He says he wants me only as a friend and he's still in love with her. He has made it very clear that he's not interested in having a real marriage with me -- no sex, nothing -- other than living together as roommates.

My husband and I continue to sleep in the same bed, but he won't get close or touch me.

His ex is serving time in prison and will be there for at least two years, but he allows her to call our home collect whenever she feels like it. It started with her calling only every so often -- now it's every day.

I'm so hurt, Abby. He just doesn't care. I married my husband because I was in love with him -- and he did a very good job of pretending he loved me. It was all a lie, and now I feel trapped.

Someone said to me that as long as there's friendship, I have something to hold onto, since his ex will be gone for so long. Well, I don't think it's worth it. I am afraid he'll never get over her.

Please don't tell me to leave him -- I can't. I have nowhere to go and no money. I barely make ends meet. What am I going to do? Help! -- HEARTBROKEN IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: Realize that you have suffered a blow that would bring an ox to its knees, so it's not surprising that you feel helpless. However, you are NOT helpless -- you are a grown woman, and regardless of how devalued you feel, you have all of the skills and potential that you brought to your marriage.

You say you have nowhere to go and no money. Are you able to work? If so, start looking for a job immediately. Then you can begin depositing your earnings in a separate account, and it won't be long before you have enough saved for a security deposit on an apartment of your own. Next, talk to a lawyer. You are going to survive this disappointment and will come out stronger for it.

I disagree with your friend that as long as there's friendship you have something to hold on to. You can't force someone to love you. But if you stand up straight and refuse to be mistreated, you will regain your self-respect. Trust me on that. I wish you the best of luck. Please let me hear from you in six months. I'm rooting for you.

DEAR ABBY: Our daughter is planning to marry a wonderful man this October. There's only one problem -- and it's a doozy!

Her fiance insists on inviting his ex-girlfriend of five years to attend the wedding, as well as all the family festivities surrounding the big day. Even though the ex has recently married, our daughter is very uncomfortable with this and has said so to her future husband.

My husband and I are concerned that our daughter's wedding day may be ruined and want to intervene to make it clear that "Mrs. X" is not welcome. What do you think we should do, Abby? -- PARENTS OF THE BRIDE IN OHIO

DEAR PARENTS: I think you should stay out of it. If your daughter is mature enough for marriage, she should be mature enough to deliver the message to her fiance that she's uncomfortable having the Ghost of Romance Past at her nuptials. If they can't reach an understanding or a compromise, I see a huge red flag ahead.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Every time your column addresses the danger of children left unattended around water, I am grateful.

Fifteen years ago, my boyfriend and I were strolling along the edge of a lake far from the public swimming area. He worked as a lifeguard at the lake, but was off-duty that afternoon. As we walked, he almost stepped on what appeared to be a bundle in the murky water. He reached down to examine it more closely and pulled out a little girl!

The chances of our finding her were nothing short of miraculous. Because my boyfriend was trained in CPR, he was able to revive her. We then took the terrified child to the picnic area, where her parents were lounging. Abby, they hadn't even realized she was missing! When we told them what happened, they responded that since lifeguarding was my boyfriend's profession, he was just "doing his job." Can you believe that! -- HORRIFIED IN FORT HOOD, TEXAS

DEAR HORRIFIED: Yes, I can believe it. Instead of recognizing their irresponsibility, the parents chose instead to dump the responsibility on your boyfriend.

I hope they realized later how lucky they were that you two guardian angels were in the right place at the right time.

DEAR ABBY: I have a dear friend who is considerate to the extreme when it comes to remembering special occasions in the lives of her friends and family. She calls or sends cards to acknowledge every anniversary, birthday or special event. However, I think that at some point it should stop.

Both my parents have passed away during the last five years. They were wonderful people who lived full lives. I remember them privately on the anniversaries of their deaths.

My problem is that on these special dates, my friend always calls to say she is "thinking of me." This sends me into a tailspin of mourning, because her call is never timely. I may be thinking of other things and not dwelling on the past.

Abby, how do I tell her to remove me from her list of death remembrance calls without offending her? I realize she's only trying to be thoughtful. -- DO NOT DISTURB IN TEXAS

DEAR DO NOT DISTURB: Level with her. Thank her for her thoughtfulness. Remind her that everyone copes with death in his or her own way -- then tell her exactly what you have written to me. It's honest, and she shouldn't be offended.

DEAR ABBY: I am confused and have no one to talk to. There's this guy I like who asked me out, but I told him no. Now I'm having second thoughts because we aren't as different as I thought we were.

I don't want anything too serious right now, and he keeps saying things like, "I want to have sex with you." He tells me that we would be great together and goes on and on about how "hot" I am.

What should I do, Abby? -- BUNDLE OF CONFUSION IN PORTLAND

DEAR BUNDLE: Accept the fact that you and this young man ARE different. You want a relationship that isn't serious. He wants sex -- and sex is VERY serious.

Keep this guy at arm's length and don't let him talk you into anything.

P.S. The next time he tells you how "hot" you are, suggest he take a cold shower.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)