DEAR ABBY: I have been dating my ex-husband for five years. (He was my second husband.) We divorced in the mid-1990s. Two years ago, he took a job out of state, but we have continued to see each other. When we're alone together, we have a wonderful time and are very happy.

The problem is between him and my son from my first marriage. They do not get along, never have and probably never will. It was the reason our marriage failed.

My son has just graduated from high school and will be going to a local college in the fall. My ex thinks it is time for me to sell my house and move in with him. If I do that, it will leave my son with no home base.

Abby, I love my son. He has never been in trouble and is an honor student. Even though he is 18, I know he still needs me close by for the next few years. I also love my ex, but he has terminated our relationship because he says I have made him "second fiddle" by not agreeing to sell my house and join him at this time. I offered to keep my home here and travel back and forth as needed until my son is out of college. My ex insists that is ridiculous.

I am brokenhearted. What other solution could I have possibly made? -- SAD IN OHIO

DEAR SAD: None. Your ex gave you an ultimatum -- to choose between him and your flesh and blood. It's the reason your marriage didn't survive.

Now, may I tell you how much I respect you for making the decision you did? Many women would have made the selfish choice and rationalized it by saying that, at 18, the young man was old enough to be on his own.

If your second husband really loved you, he would have won your heart with his maturity and patience and made sure that your love story had a happy ending for all concerned. Remember that -- and your broken heart will heal faster.

DEAR ABBY: Can a man father a child 10 years after he's been shot in the testicles (one had to be removed) and in the stomach, and endured surgery and three blood transfusions?

I have been with this man for 13 years and we have an 11-year-old son. I have not gotten pregnant by him since, even though we have tried. All of a sudden, this girl he has been involved with on the side is saying she is pregnant after all his injuries! Is this possible?

I slept with him around the same time she says she conceived. How come I'm not pregnant? If anyone is pregnant, it should be me. Can someone just pop up pregnant under these circumstances? -- BAWLING IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR BAWLING: Not knowing the extent of the man's injuries, I can only answer that, yes, it may be possible that he is the father. If there is any question in his mind, he should discuss it with his doctor to determine his sperm count -- and with his lawyer to determine his liability.

DEAR ABBY: As a child growing up, I remember my aunt reciting, "If 'its' and 'ands' were pots and pans, ..." and the rest escapes my memory. This little poem has been going round and round in my head, and it drives me wild that I can't remember the whole thing.

I know this isn't a serious problem, Abby, but I would appreciate any help you or your readers can give me. Thanks. -- DESPERATE IN OHIO

READERS: If any of you can help "Desperate in Ohio," please don't be shy.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a day-care provider working out of my home. Most of the children I watch belong to friends. One friend -- I'll call her Jodie -- announced that she was quitting work and would no longer need me to care for her infant son.

Then Jodie had a family emergency and asked me to baby-sit for a few hours. She had five other so-called emergencies over a two-week period. She left her child here about five hours each day, during my normal working hours.

My question: Should Jodie have offered to pay me for the time her son was in my care? My husband calls me the Good Samaritan and thinks Jodie took advantage of me. I say we're friends, and I wouldn't have taken the money anyway. What do you think? -- GOOD SAM IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR GOOD SAM: I think you have been a sympathetic friend and Good Samaritan long enough. You are also a businesswoman who deserves to be paid for her services. It's time to draw the line -- and don't feel guilty for doing so. Jodie may be a friend, but your husband is your BEST friend.

DEAR ABBY: My father died two months ago and left his belongings to my mother. My siblings have begun to request some of them. Most of the items have little or no monetary value, while others are worth a considerable sum.

I believe Dad's belongings should be distributed by my mother when she is ready. When my father was alive, he refused to give my sister something she wanted -- and now she says she's just going to take it. I am very uncomfortable with this and don't know what to do. What are your thoughts? -- FEELING PAIN IN MAINE

DEAR FEELING PAIN: The items are your mother's to do with as she wishes. Discuss it with her and see how she feels about these requests. If your mother feels she's being taken advantage of, help her to resist the pressure. If not, accept the fact that the items are going where your mother wants them to go -- and express to her what you would like.

DEAR ABBY: I married a high school friend a year ago. I had remained single for 12 years after my divorce, and I wanted to be sure I married a great guy this time. In almost all ways, he is a terrific husband.

The problem? I keep finding porn sites in the history files on my computer, and also Yahoo profiles of young girls. He promised me in the past that he would not do it anymore. I wouldn't mind as much if we had a sex life, but it is pretty much nonexistent. Your advice would be appreciated. -- WIFE WITH A PROBLEM IN MINNESOTA

DEAR WIFE: Your husband has substituted impersonal computer sex for a mutually satisfying sex life with you. And if he is conversing with or meeting underage girls, he is also breaking the law.

Tell him you know what he has been doing and offer him the option of counseling. If he refuses, you have a serious decision to make about the future of the marriage. I hope this story has a happy ending. It depends on how invested he is in your marriage and how strong his addiction to cyber-sex may be.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a married man in my 30s, with two adorable little babies at home. My sex life with my wife is very good. I have no complaints at all. My problem is my feelings.

I love my wife and do not cheat; however, I desire other women. I have an instinctual desire to procreate. I can't afford more babies. In fact, my wife and I do not want more children.

Other women -- even women I find unattractive -- arouse me. As a result, I avoid looking at female co-workers and have become very disconnected at work. Even though I don't act upon my instinctual urges, I still wrestle with them.

Abby, how does a man get past this? Every woman I see makes me feel like I am in heat. -- FIGHTING TESTOSTERONE IN TWIN FALLS

DEAR FIGHTING: Schedule an appointment with your physician to find out of there's a physical reason your hormones are in overdrive. If your problem isn't physical, ask for a referral to a psychotherapist who can help you to understand this obsession before it negatively impacts your career or your marriage. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am a college freshman. I am very happy. However, there is a large void in my life that I would like to fill. Abby, I want a baby. Not just any baby -- I want a particular man's baby for genetic reasons. I have asked him to help me, but he says he has to think about it.

I do not want anything from this man other than his seed. I tell him that after I get pregnant, he can walk away and never look at me again. I am not trying to tie him down or ask for child support.

How can I convince this attractive man that I really do not want anything from him but the privilege of bearing his child? -- LOOKING FOR FULFILLMENT

DEAR LOOKING: This isn't the answer you're looking for, but you are jumping the gun. As a college freshman, have you given serious thought to the emotional, physical and financial obligations you'll undertake along with motherhood?

It's imperative that you finish your education before taking on the added challenge of being a single parent. Once you are established in a career, you'll be better able to afford the help you'll need. It's a myth that one woman can "do it all" without compromise.

DEAR ABBY: The "birds and bees" stories in your column have given me great amusement. I have one from a different angle.

I was writing a story set in the Old West, and as research for it (with some reservations) I asked both my widowed grandmothers, who were born in the 1890s, about their sex education. They were both happy to share.

One said that her mother had told her nothing. She had learned everything from female cousins and books.

The other grandmother said that her parents had been quite modern for their time. They had told her everything. Here she paused and thought for a moment. Then with a twinkle in her eye, she said, "But they neglected to say what a rewarding experience it could be!" -- MARY ALEXANDER, SACRAMENTO

DEAR MARY: Your grandmother's parents believed in the element of surprise.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)