DEAR ABBY: I'm responding to the recent letters from caregivers suggesting that conversations with nursing home staff be recorded in a notebook -- and for visitors to pin "happy" pictures on bulletin boards for patients to enjoy in their room. We in the nursing home industry welcome the input from the loved ones of our residents.

I offer further hints to enhance the quality of life for nursing home residents:

Volunteer your time at a nursing home. Staff can always use help with group activities such as bingo, arts and crafts, dominoes or checkers. Many ladies love having their fingernails polished or to go out shopping for personal items, cards and stamps. Nursing home rates are comparable to moderately priced hotels. It is not economically feasible for our nursing staff to provide all meals, housekeeping and laundry services, twice daily activities and round-the-clock nursing, and also be able to provide all of the extra activities our residents would enjoy.

I hope when visitors to nursing homes are making notes of their concerns, they will also note the good things that go on in nursing homes and compliment the administrators and staff. -- CINDY OWEN, DIRECTOR OF SOCIAL SERVICES, SOUTHBROOK HEALTHCARE, ARDMORE, OKLA.

DEAR CINDY: You're absolutely right. People need to feel appreciated, and a compliment goes a long way. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: During my mother's fight with breast cancer, she was in and out of hospitals. My sister made a 3-by-4-foot collage of old photographs of family, friends and places that Mom loved to visit. This collage went with her from hospital room to hospital room for the duration of her illness. It served to remind everyone that Mom was once a vibrant lady with a rich, full life who was loved by all the people pictured. She was cheered by it, and it served to "humanize" her to the myriad of doctors, nurses, aides and technicians who treated her.

Now that Mom is gone, the collage is hung in a prominent place in our family home. It serves as a constant reminder of now much we love and miss her. -- DAVE IN OHIO

DEAR DAVE: I'm sure your sister's masterpiece is a treasure, and will continue to be considered so by future generations.

DEAR ABBY: Please ask your readers to rethink hosting big parties for those celebrating the "big" birthdays -- 90, 95, 100, etc. Rather than one overwhelming afternoon (when visitors ask the honoree, "Do you know who I am?"), it makes more sense to arrange a visiting schedule over several weeks or months.

Recently a woman who turned 100 was thrown a large party with more than 100 guests. By the time they left, she was exhausted and tearful. It turns out, she rarely had visitors. Visits should be spaced out so that loved ones know they are loved all year. -- NICOLE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR NICOLE: Hear, hear!

DEAR ABBY: When people buy clothing for patients, they should remember that the person may no longer be able to dress him- or herself or move their limbs. Therefore, it is wise to buy clothing a little larger than you normally would. One woman I know buys her cousin housedresses, then cuts them up the back, hems the sides and makes ties at the neck. When the attendants dress her, there is no trouble, no pain -- and she looks adorable. -- JANET IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR JANET: Thank you for your helpful suggestion. Clothing for people in home health care or in nursing homes can also be ordered by catalog. One company that creates this specialized line of clothing is Buck & Buck Designs. It offers clothes for both men and women that may be ordered online at www.buckandbuck.com or by calling toll-free 1-800-458-0600.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My daughter and son-in-law have a 2-year-old and a 3-month-old. They live in a home with steep front stairs and two garages underneath. It's on a corner lot with an unfenced yard in a neighborhood with moderate traffic.

My husband and I are very worried. They allow their 2-year-old to be alone outside. When we express our concern, they laugh it off and say they only permit it for about five minutes, and if he wants to come back in the house, he can climb the steps and ring the doorbell.

We have warned them that in the blink of an eye, some pervert could pick the child up and they would never see him again -- that he could run into the intersection or get seriously hurt on the steps. Other than this lack of judgment, they are good, loving parents. Are Grandma and Grandpa overly protective? -- SCARED AND CONCERNED IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR SCARED AND CONCERNED: Not at all. Now, let me get this straight. Your daughter and son-in-law leave their 2-year-old unsupervised in an unfenced yard, and if he wants them, he should climb the stairs and ring the doorbell? What you describe is child endangerment, and if they don't come to their senses immediately, they should be reported.

Your daughter and son-in-law could benefit from parenting classes so they can understand the various stages of child development. Their expectations of their 2-year-old are unrealistic, and the result could be something they'll regret for a lifetime. Please act now.

DEAR ABBY: I am 17. My boyfriend of 2 1/2 years recently broke up with me. He said he loved me, but was no longer IN love with me and wanted to date others. He wants us to be just friends.

I am devastated. I can't eat, sleep or concentrate, and the thought of seeing him with another girl makes me physically sick. I don't think I will ever be able to set foot in his home, much less be his friend. He broke my heart, and everything reminds me of him -- a song, his favorite foods, places we've been, movies we've seen -- everything.

Abby, we had talked about marriage and having a family someday. I simply cannot accept that it's over. I'm in such denial I haven't even shared this terrible blow with my parents.

Help me, please. -- BROKENHEARTED TEEN IN MAINE

DEAR TEEN: I'm sorry for your pain, but trust me, it hurts only for a while. Let me share with you what I've written about breaking up in my booklet, "What Every Teen Should Know":

"Keep busy. Avoid 'old reminders,' which tend to make you moody and broody. Get rid of the pictures, photos and gifts ... unless you enjoy punishing yourself.

"Attend parties and school affairs, and develop new interests.

"Speak only well of each other -- or not at all -- after the break.

"Turn a deaf ear to those who want to pry or question you.

"Once it is over, all of the note-writing, phoning or conniving will not help your cause. Don't ask a mutual friend to help you 'get him back.' It will only make you appear foolish.

"Chalk it up to experience and a part of growing up. There is no growth without a little pain."

This booklet may be ordered by sending a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: You were far too hard on the boyfriend of "Frustrated in Texas," who avoided social events and wanted to elope with her instead of having a big wedding. You seemed to hold him responsible for his anxiety, as if he were doing it on purpose.

From his description, he sounds like someone who suffers from social phobia. This is a very treatable psychiatric illness that can incapacitate people. As with panic disorder, it responds well to both medication and behavioral modification.

I have treated many patients who felt their lives were changed by the simple addition of a medication that controlled their panic in social situations. Please urge this man to see his doctor so he and his fiancee can have the large wedding of her dreams. -- GEORGE L. CHAPPELL, M.D., PROVIDENCE/ST. PETER HOSPITAL, OLYMPIA, WASH.

DEAR DR. CHAPPELL: Thank you for your informative letter. While many people suffer from varying degrees of social insecurity, this is the first time I have heard it classified as a psychiatric disorder that can be treated with medication. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am one of your male readers. Six months before my wedding, I became increasingly concerned that my social anxiety disorder would wreak havoc on the event for myself, my fiancee and 250 of our friends and family.

Ever since I was 6, I've had difficulty speaking in public, particularly when I'm the center of attention. The thought of saying "I do" in front of so many people turned my stomach. Determined to do something about it, I signed up for a 10-week course of group therapy for sufferers of social anxiety disorder.

As my wedding day approached, I was calm, cool and relaxed. When the clergywoman asked if I would take my fiancee to be my lawfully wedded wife, with confidence I responded, "I do!" -- HAPPILY MARRIED IN MINNEAPOLIS

DEAR HAPPILY MARRIED: I'm pleased that group therapy was helpful to you. You were wise to see the need and do something about it.

DEAR ABBY: I am an introverted, quiet man married to a vivacious, gregarious woman for more than 27 years. We have found that our opposite temperaments complement each other and help each of us to develop characteristics we previously lacked. My wife brought me out of my shell and helped me to appreciate the value of a social life.

I'm sure "Frustrated" and her fiance could compromise about their wedding plans if they see their disagreement as a problem to solve rather than a battle to win. If they are not capable of compromise, they are not mature enough to be married. -- ENCHANTED WITH LIFE IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR ENCHANTED: You're right. Compromise is an important ingredient in every successful relationship.

DEAR ABBY: How do I write thank-you notes for gifts I dislike? No matter how I word it, I end up feeling dishonest and insincere. -- BLOCKED WRITER IN SANTA MONICA

DEAR BLOCKED: It is not dishonest or insincere to thank people for their generosity, or the time and trouble they spend finding a gift for you. If you keep that in mind next time you're faced with the task of writing a thank-you note, I'm sure the words will come more easily.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)