DEAR ABBY: Last year, our family started a tradition I hope lasts for generations to come.

Each June on the Sunday before Father's Day, we plan to celebrate "Siblings' Day." We picked this day because it's between Mother's Day and Father's Day, and the kids are out of school.

Our children made cards for each of their brothers and sisters, telling each other what they liked about them and how special they are. Then I took them one at a time to the toy store to buy each sibling a present with their allowance. I was sure they would not want to spend their own money on each other, but I was wrong. Not only did they want to, but they put a great deal of thought and effort into picking out toys they thought each child would want. When we got home, the kids excitedly wrapped their gifts.

On Sunday morning, the cards and presents were exchanged. I made a special lunch and baked a cake for the occasion. The good feelings among our children lasted for days and were a delight for all of us.

Abby, I hope your readers agree that this special tradition could benefit families everywhere. -- A.H.C. IN ATLANTA

DEAR A.H.C.: What a lovely idea. We hear so much about how destructive sibling rivalry can be. Your positive approach to building a stronger bond among your children will benefit everybody later on.

DEAR ABBY: I read with amusement the letter from "Looking for Help in Pennsylvania," who wanted family photos that included her husband's ex-wife taken down from her mother-in-law's living room wall. Here's how I handled a similar problem.

My husband and I have two married sons. In 1985, the six of us attended a family wedding, and while we were all dressed up, I asked the photographer to take a family picture. Thinking this would be a nice tradition, we had another group portrait taken the next year.

I started a "family wall" in our den with the two portraits, but when it was time for the next one, our younger son and his wife had gone through a nasty divorce -- so, of course, "she" was no longer in the picture.

One day, while looking at the first two family photos that included our ex-daughter-in-law, I decided they were too good to hide or throw away, so I pulled out some acrylic paints and painted over her using a floral pattern. In the first picture, I call the flower "Venus Man Trap." In the second, "Blooming Idiot."

Since that time, our older son and his wife have blessed us with two precious grandchildren, and our younger son has married a wonderful girl we all love. We continue our tradition of taking an annual family photo. It's a wonderful way to see how we've all grown through the years. Thanks to my artwork, the older pictures aren't offensive to our new daughter-in-law. -- AMATEUR ARTIST IN ROME, GA.

DEAR ARTIST: You are not only artistic, but witty as well. Your creativity came in handy when the bloom was off the rose.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: After a two-year engagement, my husband and I were married three years ago. After the engagement announcement, my mother surprised me with the news that she and my father were going to renew their wedding vows. I was happy for them until my mother began planning their ceremony around the time of our wedding. I felt she was trying to steal the limelight from me -- and she did.

Two months ago, I announced that I am two months' pregnant. Yesterday, my mother announced that SHE is pregnant. (She had me when she was 15.) Abby, now she wants us to have baby showers on the same day. Do you think this is my mother's attempt to stay connected with me? -- TRYING TO REMAIN CALM IN DENVER

DEAR TRYING: No. I think that on an unconscious level, there is competition going on. However, since there is nothing you can do about it, the best advice I can offer is to live your own life, and spend less time looking over your shoulder to see what your mother is doing. Under no circumstances should you allow these "coincidences" to lessen your own happiness.

DEAR ABBY: I am a freshman at a college located two hours away from home. My brother, "Jeff," who is three years younger, still lives at home. I miss him until he comes to visit -- then it's a different story.

Jeff shows no respect for me, my lifestyle or my dorm room. He demands that I entertain him -- even though my schedule is filled to the max with classes and work. He makes a mess of my room (like spilling soda and not cleaning it up) and makes rude comments about my boyfriend behind his back. My brother has gone so far as to make some outrageous statements like, "Anyone who is not Christian is going to hell!" (My boyfriend is Jewish.)

How am I supposed to continue having Jeff visit if he causes nothing but stress and embarrassment and leaves my room trashed? My parents don't see any problem and think I'm blowing this out of proportion. Any suggestions, Abby? -- FED UP IN NEW YORK STATE

DEAR SIS: There may be only three years' difference in your ages, but emotionally your brother is a rebellious, self-centered adolescent.

If I were you, I would limit Jeff's visits until he's older, wiser, and willing to show more respect and tolerance for you and your friends.

DEAR ABBY: I am a mother of five who has been married for 18 years. The letters in your column from brides-to-be and graduates asking the best way to keep track of gifts prompts me to write.

When I was 20 and planning my wedding, my mother-in-law-to-be gave me a terrific tip: The name, address and phone number of each guest attending the wedding was written on a 3-by-5-inch index card and stored alphabetically in a recipe box.

After the wedding, as my husband and I opened each gift, we wrote what the gift was on that person's index card and returned it to the box.

When it was time to write thank-you notes, I needed only to refer to the box to know who gave what and never had to worry about a "lost" address or gift card. All the necessary info was right there on the cards -- and in alphabetical order. -- JUDY IN OHIO

DEAR JUDY: That's a wonderful idea, one that's easy to implement and can alleviate a lot of headaches. In this day and age, when the thank-you note responsibilities are shared by both brides and grooms, I'm sure your suggestion will be appreciated.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have a 5-year-old grandson I adore. His mother (my daughter) is a single parent who left the father of her child after he beat her up. He was charged and spent six months in jail. We assured him at the time that he would have no financial or social obligations to his child whatsoever, and they have had no contact since the incident. That was five years ago when my grandson was a newborn.

My question: What do we tell my grandson when he asks about his father? Please understand that this man is a drug dealer and gang member from a "family" of gang-bangers who have all done jail time. He's also a high school dropout with no future.

I see no good coming from my precious grandson knowing anything about his father, who lives in the next town. My daughter has a good job and is raising my grandson in a loving, healthy and stable environment. He is surrounded by fine role models.

What I'd like to do is tell my grandson his father is dead. What do you think, Abby? -- CONCERNED GRANDFATHER IN SEATTLE

DEAR CONCERNED: Although it's tempting, I don't recommend it. If you lie, that untruth will come back to haunt all of you, and your grandson will wonder what other lies he was told.

When he asks, it would be better to tell the boy that when he was born, his father was too immature to be a parent and agreed that his son should be raised by his mother and her family. Later on, when he is older, he should be told the truth. Be prepared to offer him professional counseling at that time to help him deal with any feelings of rejection.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Danny," and I have been married for nearly four years. We never had a problem until my sister, "Tina," and her kids moved in with us. Danny gets upset because Tina lets her kids do whatever they feel like. Our house is always a mess and they waste a lot of food that we have paid for. Danny wants me to tell Tina that she must control her kids or find another place to live.

I feel bad for Tina because she has no place to go. However, I love my husband and want our marriage to be like it was before Tina moved in. What should I do? -- DESPERATE IN OHIO

DEAR DESPERATE: Accept the fact that you can't continue living like this. Your sister needs a goal. Give her a specific date to be out of your home and help her to do whatever is necessary to leave -- job, affordable apartment, child care, etc. She'll thank you for it later, and you will save your marriage.

DEAR ABBY: Here's another use for old pantyhose: Whenever I get a run in a pair, I throw them in the washer, then cut the legs off right above where the control section starts (to keep the top from fraying). After discarding the "girdle," I put the clean, cut-up legs in a drawer in the kitchen.

Whenever I purchase onions, I slip a stocking over one of them until it rests securely in the top. Then I tie a knot about an inch above it and insert the next onion -- and so on -- continuing to the top of the leg.

I hang the stocking inside the basement door, out of the way. Whenever I need an onion, I simply cut one off from the bottom (right below the knot). My onions last longer -- while I get the satisfaction of one more use out of an old pair of pantyhose. -- RUTH IN CALEDONIA, MICH.

DEAR RUTH: And if an intruder should enter your home, you can always use it for self-defense!

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)