DEAR ABBY: I am a lifeguard at a public swimming pool. Please inform parents that the presence of a lifeguard does not guarantee the safety of their children.

Young children don't have the maturity to understand the risks posed by water and often will not stay in the depth that is safe for them. Besides giving verbal warnings that can go unheeded, there is little a lifeguard in a tower 30 feet away can do to keep a child out of deep water. Also, drowning is silent. Victims can hardly breathe and therefore cannot scream for help.

One day last summer, my co-workers and I rescued five children. They were all under the age of 6, all unattended, and all were drowning within a few feet of other swimmers. No one but us realized anything was wrong. One of those kids was a 5-year-old girl whom I had repeatedly told to stay in the shallow pool.

Parents, PLEASE don't let the eyes of a lifeguard be all that stands between your child and death. We do our job well, but we're only human. Swim with your inexperienced younger kids, and stay within arm's reach at all times. -- CONCERNED LIFEGUARD IN THE ROCKIES

DEAR CONCERNED: Children should be taught to swim as early as possible. And they need to be taught the rules of water safety. Even then they should be supervised AT ALL TIMES at both public and private swimming pools. To do anything less is to invite a tragedy.

And while we're on the subject of near disasters in the water -- read on:

DEAR ABBY: While swimming at a New Jersey beach, my husband became caught in a riptide. He struggled to swim toward land, but the current pulled him farther and farther out to sea.

There were several adults nearby. He pleaded for help several times, but got no response. He was later told that they thought he was only kidding!

Luckily, a boy about 12 years old took him seriously. The boy swam toward my husband and extended a boogie board for him to grab. By then, my husband was completely exhausted and out of breath. With the boy's help, and later that of a lifeguard, my husband was brought safely back to shore.

Abby, please inform your readers that when a person pleads for help in ANY situation, the person should be taken seriously! It is far better to offer assistance or to seek additional help than to assume it's only a joke. My husband firmly believes that if that boy had not tried to help, he would not be here today. -- ELEANOR M. GLENSIDE, PA.

DEAR ELEANOR: Your husband is a lucky man. His experience proves that sometimes children are smarter than adults. The boy who came to his rescue is a true hero.

DEAR ABBY: I love my boyfriend very much and am planning to offer him a proposal of marriage. We have a child together, and I feel it's time for me to grab life by the horns and run with it.

Is there any rule of etiquette that says I have to buy him a gift -- and if so, what should it be? I'm clear on where our wedding should take place, the decorations, guest list, etc., but it's this last detail of gift-or-no-gift before I pop the question that I'm not sure about. -- HOPEFUL BRIDE-TO-BE, COLUMBIA, MO.

DEAR HOPEFUL: I think the child was gift enough. Give him nothing extra unless he says yes to your proposal.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 33-year-old HIV-positive man. Last week at my office, I was shocked when two of my co-workers declared that they could tell whether or not people are HIV-positive just by looking at them.

Abby, this is no laughing matter. Please inform your readers that someone can be HIV-positive and appear to be physically healthy. I shared my health status with my office mates, and by doing so, I hope I have changed some minds by shattering that myth. Sign me ... POSITIVE IN D.C.

DEAR POSITIVE: Not everyone would have been so generous or courageous, because there is still a lot of prejudice, ignorance and misunderstanding when it comes to HIV. There is more than one lesson to be learned from your letter.

(1) You CANNOT tell a person's HIV status by his or her appearance.

(2) It is imperative that couples not have unprotected sex unless both partners have been screened for HIV.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 12-year-old girl who is dating a senior boy in high school.

One night, we went to a party and then back to his place. His parents and sister were out of town, and he was really drunk.

As soon as we got to his house, he started drinking again. That led to a big fight. I was literally walking out the door when he grabbed me and told me if I ever leave him, he'll hunt me down and kill me!

Abby, ever since that night, I've been scared of him. Please tell me what to do. -- SCARED IN MAXTON, N.C.

DEAR SCARED: Tell your parents or guardian about the young man's threat. You are too young to deal with this yourself and to be dating a boy that much older than you.

He clearly has problems and not enough supervision -- and the same is true of you.

P.S. Under no circumstances should you be riding in a car with a driver who has been drinking. That, too, could cost you your life.

DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law, "Barbara," and her family are avid karaoke fans. They've had a machine for 10 years, and every time we go to their home, no matter the occasion, they sing at the drop of a hat.

When relatives visit from out of town -- they sing. They sing at Christmas, birthday parties, wedding receptions -- and the volume is set so high that it's impossible to carry on a conversation. If you leave the room to talk, they'll turn on the intercom so the music is carried throughout the house. It's true they encourage others to join in -- but they never give up the microphone.

Barbara is not the kind of person who takes criticism well. Some members of the family tease her about singing so much, but she doesn't take the hint.

Please help me find a way to convince Barbara that we don't need to be "entertained" all the time. -- TONE DEAF IN INDIANA

DEAR TONE DEAF: That may be impossible. We both know you can't change them. They have show biz in their blood. Wear ear plugs if necessary and be grateful they don't have a cover charge and a two-drink minimum.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 48 and disabled. I have never had a birthday party, received a Christmas present, or attended a family wedding or funeral. Years ago, I overheard my brother tell someone he had only three brothers and sisters. I am the fourth. It hurts to this day.

Each year, "in the spirit of Christmas," my family picks me up to spend Christmas Day with them. However, no one talks to me -- not even to wish me a "Merry Christmas." My nephews and nieces hold up their children from across the room to stare at me. I feel like I'm in a zoo. When I write to them, my letters are returned.

I was told that some babies die at birth. For some reason I lived -- but this isn't living. How can I make my family realize that I exist? -- THE INVISIBLE CHILD

DEAR INVISIBLE CHILD: I'm sorry you don't have the loving, supportive family that you deserve. Rather than trying to "make" your family realize that you are a human being with needs not unlike their own -- look around you. You are probably already a member of a "family" -- those people with whom you live, work and worship and who care about you. More of your needs can be met by concentrating on your relationships with them. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I work in a state health care facility for the disabled. Some are unable to do much for themselves. Others have excellent personal and social skills. Many of them have no family contact.

Years ago, parents were encouraged to put children with developmental disabilities into an institution and forget about them. I understand why some parents may feel guilty, wondering if they are to blame for the child's condition. What I can't understand is how parents and family can turn their backs on a child. We all need someone to love and care for us.

Abby, please urge your readers to reach out to a family member who is in an institution or group setting. Yes, they are being fed, housed and clothed, but they also need contact with family and friends. If it's not possible to visit, send a letter or card and include a dollar bill -- especially on birthdays and holidays. Check on the visiting hours, talk with staff members to see what interests, activities or hobbies the resident may have. Ask if he or she would enjoy going out to lunch or to a shopping mall or G-rated movie. Please don't feel guilty if you haven't made contact. Now is the time to reach out before it's too late.

We work hard to keep our residents happy, but they need warm and loving relationships with their families, too. -- I CARE IN ORAN, MO.

DEAR I CARE: You are a compassionate caregiver, and you are absolutely right -- everyone needs to know he or she is loved every day of the year.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)