DEAR ABBY: For years my husband and I worked at various private summer camps across the Southeast. It always amazed us that parents would send their children to camps without thoroughly checking the conditions of these places. What are these parents thinking? The camp sales videos show only what the owners want the parents to see.

A few pointers when selecting a camp:

(1) Make sure the camp is safe. Don't take anyone's word for it.

(2) If your children went last year, quiz them about the activities in order to find out if they really DO get to participate in everything the video claims. Question them about the plumbing, lighting and water. Children are not dumb. If they observed a problem last year, chances are they'll remember it.

(3) Ask if you can drop in on your kids during camp session. If you do and are asked to wait in the office while they're brought to you, ask why you can't meet them wherever they happen to be at that time.

(4) If you take your kids to camp, walk around and take a good look. Don't just check out the bunks. Walk through the kitchen, the infirmary, and examine the play equipment they will be using.

(5) Ask if your children's possessions will be stored in a secure location.

(6) Find out how your kids' money is taken care of. Where can it be kept safe, and what is the procedure if their money is taken?

(7) Last, if your child constantly complains about camp -- LISTEN. You may be getting a dose of the truth.

Hope this helps, Abby. Thanks for letting us vent. -- FRUSTRATED IN GEORGIA

DEAR GEORGIA: Thank you for sharing your voices of experience. I would like to add three more tips:

(8) Are the lifeguards certified and trained to perform CPR and first aid?

(9) Ask if all the counselors and staff have been screened for criminal records or sex offenses.

(10) When you check out the kitchen, ask the cooks what meals are planned and if there are healthy snacks.

DEAR ABBY: For the past year I have been seeing a wonderful man named "Al." We met only three months after he was widowed, but he felt strongly that we should date only each other. The attraction was mutual, so I agreed.

Al has a male friend he looks up to, for reasons I don't understand. This friend has the reputation of bedding down a different woman every night of the week. I know for a fact he tries to sway Al to go out with other women.

Lately Al has been hinting that he wants to go to lunch or dinner with other women "just to talk" -- nothing else.

At a dance we attend together every week, Al meets other women on the "mix," where you dance a few dances with other partners. I have seen women come on to him, as he is a nice-looking, clean-cut guy and a good dancer. Men come on to me, too, but I would never give them my phone number or line up dates with them.

Al feels strongly about me, and I about him, but because of the constant prodding of his oversexed friend -- and women running after him -- I am unsure how to handle this situation. I am hurt that Al could even consider the idea of seeing other women.

Abby, please advise me. -- HURT IN BOCA RATON, FLA.

DEAR HURT: The most effective way to handle this is to deal with it head-on. Ask Al if he is having second thoughts about your exclusive relationship. If he is, you need to know it right away so that you can begin to date others, too.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: We have a summer house on an island. For a number of years, we have employed a local woman, "Trudy," as our housekeeper. She does a fantastic job and has always been friendly, reliable and trustworthy.

A friend I'll call Madge has also used Trudy. At the end of last summer, she fired Trudy, insisting she had stolen clothes from a "third party," trespassed in their home during the winter, had been seen drunk, etc. Madge is now urging me to fire Trudy, even though the "third party" neighbor has not said a word to me about her. Madge has succeeded in convincing two other families to fire Trudy. The island is a very small community, and Madge is ruining Trudy's livelihood.

I don't believe what Madge is saying and feel pressured and bothered by her accusations. So far I am shrugging off her rabid ramblings. I plan to use Trudy again this summer, but Madge insists I am a fool ever to use her again.

Madge bad-mouthed the golf pro two years ago, saying how incompetent he was. I now hear he has been fired. I assume this gives Madge a feeling of power, but I feel sorry for her victims -- and I don't want to be her next one.

I want to help Trudy. What would you suggest I do about this very sticky situation? -- PART-TIME ISLAND DWELLER

DEAR PART-TIME DWELLER: Avoid Madge. She is a troubled and vindictive bully. Help Trudy to find a lawyer who can put a stop to this woman's character assassination before it completely destroys her business.

DEAR ABBY: We've been sent an invitation to our nephew "Marshall's" high school graduation. Last night we found out he won't be graduating because he failed a couple of classes. Marshall's school allows all seniors to "walk across the stage" at the graduation ceremony, even though some of them may not be actually receiving a diploma.

When I asked Marshall's mother, my sister, whether he should receive graduation gifts and have a family party, she gave me a firm "no." His grandmother is upset and insists we still have a graduation party with presents. Personally, I don't think there should be a party with presents since Marshall is not really graduating. Who knows if he will ever graduate? What are we celebrating -- his high school failure? What do you think? -- DISGUSTED AUNT IN FLORIDA

DEAR DISGUSTED AUNT: It's too early to brand anyone a failure. Your nephew has only a few credits to make up. If Grandma wants to give him a gift, she should do so. However, since the young man's mother has vetoed a party, her wishes should be respected.

DEAR ABBY: Please settle a difference of opinion between my wife and me.

My wife is a wonderful housekeeper. We have a dishwasher -- me. I claim that rinsing the dishes in hot water and air-drying them is preferable to wiping them with a dish towel, which is usually damp after use and therefore a source of bacteria.

We will abide by your decision. -- ROBERT IN ORLANDO

DEAR ROBERT: It may be that your wife -- the perfect housekeeper -- finds the sight of air-drying dishes on the counter objectionable. However, I see nothing wrong with air-drying dishes after they have been washed. And there are some elegant chrome baskets for that purpose that are meant to be displayed. But once dry, the dishes and flatware should be promptly put away.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am writing to you as a last resort. Please print my letter so I can get help. I am a young teen who feels like committing suicide.

My parents work long hours and provide a roof over our heads and food on the table, but we spend hardly any time together. While I have suffered no physical abuse, I've been hurt by my mother's verbal abuse. I think I'm depressed because in a survey I took at school, I matched the profile of a person suffering from depression.

I can't tell my parents, although I have tried numerous times. When I told Mom I wanted to see a psychiatrist, she said "no." I've tried talking to teachers but nothing works. Is there something I can do without involving other people? No matter what I say, no one takes me seriously. My friends think I'm joking when I tell them how I feel.

I want help -- I want to live -- but if there's no help, there's no point. I've thought about suicide a lot and put a knife to my wrist. I've hurt myself by hitting a wall and injuring my hand. Sometimes I cut my fingers, but people always believe me when I say it was an "accident." I'm tired of living a lie, Abby. Please help. -- DESPERATE IN THE U.S.A.

DEAR DESPERATE: Since you did not provide me with your location or telephone number, I am limited in what I can offer. Pick up the telephone and ask the operator to connect you with the local suicide hotline. Tell them EXACTLY what you have told me, and that I suggested you call. They will respond to your cry for help.

DEAR ABBY: Three years ago my beloved wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. The shock, numbness and despair set in for both of us while she pursued aggressive and exhausting treatment.

The constant worry and trips to and from medical appointments took their toll on both of us. Our three young daughters and family members rallied to help us in every way possible, but it all became too much.

We were barely holding our own, when a newfound friend approached us about allowing a group of soccer moms to prepare some meals for us. At first, we were reluctant to accept this kindness, but we finally relented.

Soon the word got out. The soccer moms were joined by grammar school moms and others who wanted to help. Many wonderful people pitched in.

Each evening at exactly 5 p.m., our back doorbell would ring and a complete fully cooked meal would be there! Most of the time, these thoughtful people would leave before we could answer the door, because they didn't want to intrude. We were amazed at what these folks did for us, considering they were busy with their own families.

This unbelievable display of kindness continued uninterrupted for more than four months. Those meals -- and the overwhelming generosity of the volunteers -- meant the world to my family.

A surprising lesson from this experience was shared at a thank-you tea party that was held after my wife's recovery. One of the guests profusely thanked ME for allowing her to be of service! She said it taught her that true happiness and fulfillment comes only from helping others, and that her life was better for it.

There are so many nice people in this world, Abby. I know because I've met them! -- JOHN IN MELROSE, MASS.

DEAR JOHN: Thank you for an upper of a letter. It's important to accept help when offered. People WANT to assist in a patient's recovery. Providing meals or offering transportation are practical ways to help.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

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