DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together for 10 years and happily married for six. We live in a small town and have been restoring a 100-year-old Victorian home since our marriage; we've put a lot of our heart and soul into this house. We have terrific neighbors, and it is a beautiful neighborhood. We chose to live in this small town because my husband was previously married and has three children who live here with their mother. At the time, we thought it would be a good idea so he could remain close to the children. We get along well with them, see them often, and can attend their school and sporting activities.

The problem: My husband's ex has started parking three doors up the street and walks, jogs, bikes and skates around our house. When I say "around," I mean we live on a corner with an alley in the back, so it is LITERALLY "around" the house. We feel like we're being circled by a vulture watching our every move.

My husband says he feels that she's invading our privacy, especially when it's his visitation with the kids. In the summer, this happens on a daily basis -- sometimes twice a day. My husband asked her to find another way to go, but she says she's not doing anything wrong and refuses.

We have thought of moving, but this is a small town and we are afraid she would follow us. My husband grew up in this town and his parents, grandparents, brothers and sisters live here. Short of leaving all of our hard work, our beautiful home, our good neighbors, our relatives and most important, the children, what can we do? -- VULTURE'S PREY

DEAR PREY: You're not being circled by a vulture. You're being haunted by the Ghost of Marriage Past. Obviously the poor woman has not moved on with her life and is preoccupied with yours. She would benefit from counseling. Since she persists in making her presence felt in spite of being asked not to, your next move should be to consult a lawyer and have a chat with your local police department. A restraining order may be able to achieve what a polite request could not.

DEAR ABBY: Your advice to "Fed Up in Pittsburgh" was right on. It was the letter about the freeloading brother-in-law who wouldn't move out of his relatives' game room.

Twenty years ago, I too moved in with my brother and his family after my divorce. My brother assured me I could stay until I got back on my feet. I spent six weeks living there -- becoming more and more withdrawn in the process. Every night I'd come home from work and all I'd do is play with their kids.

Then one weekend my brother left town on business. When I came home that first night after he was gone, my sister-in-law met me at the door with the words, "I want you to move out." I assured her I would, as soon as I got an apartment. She said, "No, I mean RIGHT NOW."

I immediately packed a few things and went to stay with a friend. The next day, I started looking for a place of my own, and two days later I had an apartment. All my brother has ever known is that I moved out that weekend. I never told him why.

What my sister-in-law did was the best thing that could have happened to me; we are good friends to this day. Please tell "Fed Up" that maybe the brother-in-law needs a "kick start" like I did. -- GRATEFUL IN SASKATCHEWAN

DEAR GRATEFUL: A kick in the posterior can sometimes be a boost in the right direction.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR READERS: I received a mountain of mail responding to "Karen in Virginia," whose twin sister resented her selecting a wedding date near her own:

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I married on Dec. 10, 1961. Nineteen years later, our first daughter was married on Dec. 10. Three years after that, my son was married on Dec. 10, and two years after that, our second daughter married on Dec. 10. We think it's great. My wife and I are honored.

The most enjoyable thing about it is when we go out for our anniversary dinner together. The server asks, "Whose anniversary is it?" And we all raise our hands! -- HAPPY CHARLIE IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR HAPPY CHARLIE: I like your style!

DEAR ABBY: Two years ago my husband and I celebrated our 50th anniversary. Our oldest granddaughter wanted to be married around that same time. We ended up combining our anniversary party and her wedding -- and it couldn't have been a more wonderful day for everyone.

Those twin sisters should embrace each other and celebrate together from now on. -- HAPPY WIFE, MOTHER AND GRANDMOTHER

DEAR HAPPY: In the best of all possible worlds, they would.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a twin, and one of the many advantages of being a twin is the ability to share important times in our lives. My sister was married July 20; I was married July 19 of the following year. Unfortunately, we don't live close enough to celebrate our birthdays and anniversaries together or we would. What Karen's sister doesn't realize is that plenty of twins would love to share an event together but have lost their sister or brother.

Shame on her. She doesn't deserve to be a twin. She should have been a "singlet." -- GINNY IN CINCINNATI

DEAR GINNY: It's sad to say, but not all twins view twinship as you do.

DEAR ABBY: My twin sister, "Sue," was planning her wedding when my husband asked me to marry him. Sue was the first person I told. She immediately said, "Do you want to get married on the same day? That would be great!" As it happened, I was unable to be married on that day, but she insisted that I announce my engagement at her rehearsal dinner so our family and friends could hear it from me.

She didn't begrudge me stealing the spotlight from her wedding; instead, she was happy for me. She helped me plan every part of my wedding (I was doing it long-distance) and was an unfailing support to me. We even wore the same dress in a different color. Sue has been my best friend from the day we were born and will always be the closest person to me on Earth. -- A NON-COMPETITIVE TWIN

DEAR N-C.T.: Bravo to both of you.

DEAR ABBY: You said Karen's twin was being childish. Well, I think Karen is the competitive twin. There are many other dates that fit the parameters she mentioned. Her twin isn't the one insisting on being married close to the same day. Even her fiance said it's not a good time.

Karen's sister can't change the date of her anniversary. By insisting on being married close to her sister's date, Karen is being childish and competitive. I think she needs counseling to find out why she's so obsessed with her twin. -- HAPPY TO BE AN ONLY CHILD

DEAR ONLY CHILD: Thank you for pointing out that there are two sides to every story.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My brother was one of the New York City firefighters who were missing in the World Trade Center disaster. For two months my family agonized about his whereabouts and what happened to him. One night my mom told me about the "pennies from heaven" letters in your column, and I began wishing that Mom could find a penny with my brother's birth year on it -- or some other sign that he was at peace.

In late November, I got a phone call from my sister-in-law that my brother's body was found. When she was given his belongings, she was surprised to see his Saint Florian necklace, which we had never seen him wear. (He must have put it on only when going to a fire.) He had a couple of dollars in his pocket -- and one penny.

When I relayed this news to my mother, she jumped up and said, "That's my sign! He's at peace." I sometimes wonder if we are just looking for signs, but as time goes on and I speak to other families in our situation, nothing feels coincidental. -- SUZANNE AULETTA, HOWELL, N.J.

DEAR SUZANNE: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the tragic loss of your beloved brother. He was not only a hero, but also an innocent victim in a war we are committed to win. If the penny brings comfort to your mother, then it has more than served its purpose.

DEAR ABBY: I am 25 and am engaged to a man I have been with since I was 16. We have lived together for more than six years and have accumulated lots of furniture and household items. I'm beginning to think he is not the right man for me, but fear it will be difficult to leave him. His parents gave us most of our stuff, and I'm afraid if I leave him he will feel he has the right to keep everything they gave us.

I am also having an affair with a married man I work with. He says he loves me but won't leave his wife. In the meantime, I don't want to hurt my fiance, but don't know what to do. Should I tell him the truth about my relationship with the married man? What about the furniture? Does he get to keep it? -- CONFUSED IN BRITISH COLUMBIA

DEAR CONFUSED: Don't waste any more time obsessing about the furniture. Tell your fiance the truth -- and the furniture distribution problem will become a lesser priority.

DEAR ABBY: My son's baby monitor is picking up conversations from my neighbor's cordless phone. On more than one occasion, my husband and I have heard my friend "Mary's" husband, "Pete," talking suggestively to a woman late at night. It's obvious it's not Mary he is talking to.

Mary just told me they are selling their home and Pete has asked her for a divorce. He said he "just doesn't want to be married anymore." I feel tremendously guilty over this and am dying to tell Mary that Pete is not as innocent as he's making himself out to be. I want to expose him for who he really is.

Two problems: I don't want to cause Mary any more heartache, and the way we found out is sort of sleazy. I know their divorce is none of my business, but I feel that Mary should know the truth. Should I tell her what I know? -- HEARING "BABY" TALK IN THE BABY'S ROOM

DEAR HEARING "BABY" TALK: The marriage is over. Why protect the guilty? I see no reason to conceal the truth from your neighbor. Tell her that you've been hearing more than baby-talk over the baby monitor -- and that her husband has been having one heck of a party on the party line.

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