DEAR ABBY: I have been married 17 happy years. We were high school sweethearts and are still very much in love. We have only one huge problem, and one day it's going to come to a head. We live in the north with the change of seasons. I love fall and winter sledding, shoveling snow, relaxing by our fireplace, taking walks through fallen leaves, and all the other seasonal activities. I do not care for summer -- the heat, the humidity, summer bugs, etc.

So what's my problem? My husband is the opposite. He gets depressed during the winter and counts the days until summer. He curses the snow on the gray, cold days that are ideal to me. He is 100 percent set on retiring and moving south. When we vacation in Florida, he constantly talks about when we move there.

Abby, I get migraines that worsen in bright sunlight, hate the heat and would miss my family terribly. I have brothers, sisters, nieces and parents whom I see or talk with daily. My husband and I have discussed this several times. Neither of us is willing to budge. We have a beautiful home here in a picture-perfect neighborhood. If all goes as planned, retirement is only 15 years away. We need to settle this. What do we do? -- SNOW QUEEN IN OHIO

DEAR SNOW QUEEN: First of all, don't panic; you have 15 years to resolve this. One of the most unfortunate mistakes some senior citizens have made involved their fantasy about retirement. They sold their homes, left friends and families -- their entire emotional support network -- and moved to a new community to live their dream. Except once they got to the new location it didn't turn out to be as idyllic as they thought it would be.

That's why I urge you and your husband to take that move slowly -- one step at a time. If he wants to move south, when the time comes, consider renting out your "beautiful home in a picture-perfect neighborhood" for a year and renting a place in Florida. That way you can both see what the reality of a retirement in Florida would be. And if it doesn't live up to the fantasy, you'll have a home to return to.

Another possibility: Consider renting a place in Florida for a few weeks during the worst of the winter. Perhaps the promise of an annual winter getaway will make your husband more tolerant of northern weather.

Keep an open mind. There's always the chance you'll both love it -- and your family might enjoy joining the flocks of snowbirds who have relatives with a place to nest when they want to thaw their frozen bones.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend, "Cheryl," has a 19-year-old daughter, "Lisa," who is pregnant and unmarried. She has not broken the news to her parents or any family members. Lisa e-mailed my daughter and some of her other friends to announce her pregnancy, and even scheduled an ultrasound.

I feel caught in the middle. My daughter and I think I should tell Cheryl and her husband. My daughter is concerned that someone will let this secret out of the bag, and Cheryl will be hurt and angry with me for not telling her first.

Meanwhile, my husband tells me to keep my trap shut. He feels strongly that Lisa should break the news to her parents herself. I have to make a decision, Abby. This girl is four months along. Please help. -- SUE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR SUE: I'm inclined to agree with your husband. Since you are a close friend, try to persuade Lisa to share her news with her parents since she has already notified her friends -- and offer to be with her for moral support. It may be the assurance she needs.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My brother's wife, "Sandy," does not have a degree in psychology or medicine, yet freely assigns diagnoses to family members after reading about their "conditions" in magazines.

At a family picnic last Sunday, Sandy declared that I am bipolar and my mother is entering the second stage of Alzheimer's! I was appalled at her lack of sensitivity on this and other issues, so I called her Monday morning to initiate an honest discussion of her behavior.

Less than a minute into our conversation, Sandy angrily told me to "get a life" and slammed the phone in my ear. She immediately called my mother and told her how insulted she was that I would use the word "behavior" with her. She said it made her feel like a 6-year-old.

After she calmed down and phoned me back, Sandy repeated her outrage at my using the word "behavior." When I asked her what word I should have used instead, she said "efforts."

What do you make of her so-called "efforts," Abby? I still think she was out of line. My sister-in-law may be many things, but she's no doctor! -- FED UP IN PRINCETON, N.J.

DEAR FED UP: Right. There is a saying, "The best defense is a good offense." Your sister-in-law's behavior was an example of that.

DEAR ABBY: I have a complaint about my husband "Pete's" generosity to others.

Pete is a golf professional and is asked almost weekly by family and friends to get them golf equipment at cost. It takes up a big chunk of his time to order and ship out the clubs, shoes, etc. -- not to mention trying to get these folks to pay for their orders.

Do these Sunday golfers ever do anything nice for Pete? No! He won't turn down their requests because he can't stand the thought of someone not thinking he's a good guy. I say this needs to stop.

Please help me convince my husband that these freeloaders are just that. -- FRUSTRATED WIFE IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR WIFE: The man you married is either a good Samaritan or a severely addicted people pleaser. I don't blame you for being tee'd. However, until he's ready to see that friendship is a two-way street, he won't change -- nor is he going to accept unsolicited advice from me.

DEAR ABBY: My wife's family consisted of eight sisters and four brothers. She is the youngest sister, and the difference in age between her and her older sister is 18 years. All of the siblings married and had many children. My wife attended all their showers; we subsequently went to the weddings and baby showers.

Now the third generation is starting to become engaged and we are again receiving invitations. We don't have the energy or money to attend these weddings, but don't know how to graciously decline the invitations. (There are more on the horizon.) Both of us are over 80 years old and on a fixed income. How should we respond? -- OLD FOLK IN NEW YORK

DEAR OLD FOLK: Send a lovely card and good wishes to the happy couples. If you are questioned about your absence, be honest; say that you do not want to offend any of your siblings by playing favorites and attending only a few of the celebrations -- and attending them all would create a hardship.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I have a 12-year-old son who is academically gifted. He understands, speaks and reads on a much higher level than the sixth-grade program he is in. Unfortunately, the schools in our area are limited in their ability to deal with gifted students.

One teacher told me that the gifted program my son is currently in is not challenging him, while another teacher has suggested he bring down his level of speech, reading, etc., to the level of the other students in his class so that he can fit in more easily.

My concern is that my son will become bored with school and quit, or get so depressed about not fitting in that he may get himself into trouble.

What can I do to foster his intelligence, Abby? Emotionally he is a 12-year-old, but his intellectual capacity is so far advanced, it's becoming difficult to strike the right balance.

All this boy wants is to communicate with kids his own age who have the same abilities and interests that he has. Any suggestions would be appreciated. -- SOUTH CAROLINA MOM

DEAR MOM: Consider hiring a college student to tutor your son -- and perhaps mentor him. He needs contact with people on his intellectual level. He should feel comfortable with who he is -- and he is an academic high achiever who grasps concepts above his grade level. At the same time, encourage him to go out for team sports or join special-interest groups with kids his own age.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is in the military, requiring us to move every two to three years. We are blessed to have family and friends scattered all over the United States. After eight years of trying, we are finally expecting our first child.

Is it proper to send baby shower invitations to out-of-town family and friends even though I know they will be unable to attend? -- BURSTING WITH JOY IN SAN ANTONIO

DEAR BURSTING: No. A better way would be to write your family and friends and share your good news now. Send a birth announcement after the baby arrives.

DEAR ABBY: I hope you're not sick of "grandmother stories," because I've got a sweet one.

My grandmother, May, was the "Big Hershey Bar Grandma." She did not approve of smoking, and my father did not approve of giving candy to us kids.

After dinner at Grandma's house, Dad would go outside to smoke and she'd go into her kitchen. Then she would call out, "Come on, kids!" She'd reach into her freezer to break off pieces of a big Hershey bar and give us each a piece.

Now, 45 years later, my husband and I keep assorted bite-size chocolates in a drawer of our entertainment center just below the Disney videos. Our grandson knows the little Hershey's are his, and the bite-size Snickers are my husband's.

I can no longer eat chocolate, and my beloved grandma -- the only one I knew -- passed on in 1971. But whenever I'm in a store and see those large Hershey bars, I smile, remembering the ones in the small freezer of Grandma's old-fashioned fridge. -- DONNA IN PORTLAND, ORE.

DEAR DONNA: Although you cannot eat chocolate now, the memory is delicious. Thanks for sharing it.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)