DEAR ABBY: Regarding the debate over whether a 10-year-old girl should be allowed to shave her legs, let me share my story. In 1952, I was also 10 years old. My parents were first-generation Italians. Women in my family did not shave their legs or underarms. My legs were hairy, but I knew better than to ask to shave. Instead, I asked if I could wear nylon stockings. My parents finally agreed.

Silly child that I was, I wore the stockings, but they matted my hair against my legs -- and the other girls made fun of me. When I got home, I locked myself in the bathroom. I found my father's razor and started shaving my legs using no water or shaving cream. My tender hair follicles couldn't take it. I started bleeding profusely. I became hysterical thinking I was going to bleed to death.

My uncle happened to be visiting and heard my screams. He broke down the bathroom door, wrapped my legs in towels and carried me out. Not only was I embarrassed, but I was now in big trouble. I had done "the forbidden thing."

To my parents' credit, after that day, I was allowed to shave my legs, but not my underarms. (I started shaving my underarms at 12, but that's another story.) -- A.C. IN N.J.

DEAR A.C.: Traditions are hard to relinquish. It's sad that it took a blood-letting to persuade your parents to relent. However, it's interesting that by the age of 12 you had managed to do what you wanted. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: When I was 13 and playing basketball in the school gym, a classmate asked me why I didn't shave my legs. Looking down at them, I said, "Because I don't need to."

Two weeks later I got my first pair of glasses. I was shocked to see that trees had individual leaves -- not indistinct green clumps! I was horrified when I looked down at my legs and realized why my classmate had asked the question.

More than 40 years later I still laugh at the memory. -- MYOPIC BUT SMOOTH IN OREGON

DEAR MYOPIC: Spoken like a true visionary.

DEAR ABBY: As a single father of three girls (two grown and a 13-year-old still at home with me), I must say to all parents: Fitting in is part of life. Nobody wants to be poked fun at because his or her family's views are different. Growing up today is hard enough. Why add pressures?

There are many topics that should be openly discussed between children and parents, but if a parent feels uncomfortable about it, so will the child.

I remember many times over the years I had to discuss, purchase or attend to things that a girl's mother would normally do. Some made me feel uncomfortable; however, I did them anyway.

Parents should strive for open two-way communication with their children. We pass along the morals, values and rules we were taught so they can modify them and teach them to their own children -- and so on. -- JORDAN ROBERTS IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR JORDAN: Right. It's a natural evolution.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 28 years old and pregnant with my first child. My beloved father passed away a few years ago, and my mother has since remarried. Mom keeps calling her new husband "Grandpa."

I'm having a hard time with this. Even though this man will become a part of my child's life, he is not Grandpa. Both grandfathers have passed away, and it's going to be tough enough making sure they are properly remembered.

Maybe I'm being overly protective of this "grandfather" thing, because my sweet dad can't be here to share the joy of our baby. I need advice on how to go about telling my mother that I'd prefer she didn't call her husband "Grandpa." I know this should be the least of my problems, but it's been nagging at me. -- KATIE IN VIRGINIA

DEAR KATIE: Please rethink your stance on this. Although you loved your dad and keep his memory in your heart, your mother's flesh-and-blood husband will be the only grandpa your child will ever know. If you tell your mother that you don't want her husband to be called "Grandpa," you run the risk of driving a wedge between you, her and him. Grief counseling may help you deal with your dear father's death. Accept the love your mother's husband has to offer and move on.

DEAR ABBY: In July 2001, my husband's cousin, "Jake," asked if he could move into our game room. He was going through a divorce, up to his ears in child support payments, and his funds were limited.

This living arrangement was supposed to be temporary, but now Jake is telling us he intends to continue living here for five years!

Jake does nothing to help around the house. He gives me a small sum of money each month, but that pittance isn't nearly enough to buy the food he consumes.

I want to ask Jake to move, but my husband is afraid it would damage their friendship. I say we need our own life; we've got two small children to consider. Please help, Abby. -- FED UP IN PITTSBURGH

DEAR FED UP: Somebody has to be direct with this man. If your husband can't find the strength to tell his cousin, "Enough is enough, already!" -- then you must. And please don't feel guilty about it. Jake will be a lot happier, too, once he's on his own two feet.

DEAR ABBY: I am an animal lover. When I was younger, I raised three kittens from birth. I fed them every four hours from a bottle. My husband doesn't like animals, but before we were married, he agreed I could have a pet. Well, it's been seven years, and he refuses to let me have a cat.

Abby, I love my husband dearly; however, I don't feel like a complete person without a cat. If I lived alone I'd have a houseful of them, but now I would be happy with just one. My heart breaks every time I visit a friend who has a cat or see one roaming on the street. Sometimes I even cry myself to sleep.

My husband knows I love cats. He even buys me calendars with pictures of cats, yet he denies me the one thing I love most besides him. I respect his feelings, but it hurts. What do you think I should do? -- CAT LOVER IN ILLINOIS

DEAR CAT LOVER: Unless your husband has a medical condition that prevents you from having a cat, go get yourself one. You don't need his permission. He's your partner -- not your parent.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Over the years, you have advised many people -– mothers-in-law and so on. But I have never seen advice for parents. I am a 13-year-old reader who has decided to write my own set of "guidelines" for moms and dads. Here goes:

(1) Don't expect your kids to like the same things you do.

(2) Tell your kids you love them every day.

(3) When your kids do something wrong, don't keep reminding them. Chances are they feel bad enough already.

(4) Remember, you weren't perfect when you were growing up. Don't expect your kids to be.

(5) If you have more than one kid, don't compare them. They are completely different people.

(6) Be patient with your kids. They're just learning.

(7) If something goes wrong, don't blame it on them. It isn't always their fault.

(8) Surprise your kids sometimes -– even if it's something little.

(9) Accept that your kids are getting older. They can't always be 5 years old.

(10) Don't fight in front of your kids. (That should be a no-brainer.)

(11) Don't assume that you know what your kids are thinking.

Thanks for letting me contribute to the column, Abby. -– 13-YEAR-OLD

DEAR 13-YEAR-OLD: You're welcome. If you were older, you would have seen the following "commandments" that first appeared in my column in 1981 (!). They clearly address the subject of parenting:

A CHILD'S TEN COMMANDMENTS FOR PARENTS

by Dr. Kevin Leman

(1) My hands are small; please don't expect perfection whenever I make a bed, draw a picture or throw a ball. My legs are short; please slow down so that I can keep up with you.

(2) My eyes have not seen the world as yours have; please let me explore safely. Don't restrict me unnecessarily.

(3) Housework will always be there. I'm little for only a short time -– please take time to explain things to me about this wonderful world, and do so willingly.

(4) My feelings are tender; please be sensitive to my needs. Don't nag me all day long. (You wouldn't want to be nagged for your inquisitiveness.) Treat me as you would like to be treated.

(5) I am a special gift from God; please treasure me as God intended you to do, holding me accountable for my actions, giving me guidelines to live by and disciplining me in a loving manner.

(6) I need your encouragement to grow. Please go easy on the criticism; remember, you can criticize the things I do without criticizing me.

(7) Please give me the freedom to make decisions concerning myself. Permit me to fail so that I can learn from my mistakes. Then someday I'll be prepared to make the kind of decisions life requires of me.

(8) Please don't do things over for me. Somehow that makes me feel that my efforts didn't quite measure up to your expectations. I know it's hard, but please don't try to compare me with my brother or sister.

(9) Please don't be afraid to leave for a weekend together. Kids need vacations from parents, just as parents need vacations from kids. Besides, it's a great way to show us kids that your marriage is very special.

(10) Please take me to Sunday school and church regularly, setting a good example for me to follow. I enjoy learning more about God.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)