DEAR ABBY: Please reprint a letter you ran a few years ago from a gay man who was single, but wanted to be straight so he could fulfill his dream of marrying and having children.

I am a 38-year-old married gay man. I am having a very difficult time dealing with this issue. My wife and I are being divorced. The truth came out after I went into rehab after becoming addicted to prescription pain medication.

I realize I have made a mess of everything. I love my wife of 15 years, but I am unable to love her the way she deserves. -- BETTER OFF OUT

DEAR BETTER OFF: I have had many requests for that letter since it originally appeared, and I'm pleased to print it again. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I'll get right to the point -- I am gay, but I don't like being gay. I want a wife and children. I also have a career in which further advancement would be very difficult if it becomes known that I am gay. Psychiatrists and other therapists I have consulted have tried to help me to adjust to my homosexuality rather than help me to change.

Abby, adjusting to homosexuality is fine for those who have accepted their homosexuality, but I have not. I know I'd be happier straight. Please help me. -- UNHAPPY

DEAR UNHAPPY: Did you choose to be homosexual? If so, you could choose to be "straight." But if you have always had erotic feelings for men instead of women, then face it, you are homosexual -- and even though you may be able to change your behavior, you will not be able to change your feelings.

Some therapists insist that if a homosexual is sufficiently motivated, he or she can become "straight" again. Maybe so, but the chances are slim. Marrying and having children may make you happier, but what about the other people you involve?

To thine own self be true. Only then will you find true happiness.

DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced for three years and have a 10-year-old daughter, "Candace," who lives with me. My ex-husband, "Chet," and I are friendly. I have a full-time job, work part time on the weekends, and go to school two nights a week. I'll get my B.S. degree next July.

Chet has offered to keep Candace on nights when I go to school. I have always been very flexible about the time she spends with her father. Mother thinks I am giving Candace the wrong message. I have talked with my daughter, and she knows her daddy and I will not be getting back together. We are only friends. Mother says I need to prove to Candace that we are not reconciling. She says Chet shouldn't be with my daughter in my home on the nights I go to school or even on weekends when I am working.

Mother says I have depended upon others my whole life. That's a big joke. I have been on my own since I was 17. Mother thinks I need to start depending upon myself more. What do you think? -- CONFUSED MOM IN THE SOUTH

DEAR CONFUSED MOM: I wish all divorces were as amicable as yours. It seems you're doing everything right. I can only conclude that your mother does not want your daughter to have a healthy relationship with her father. That said, maybe it's time to discount what your mother thinks. You're a big girl now, and the important thing is what YOU believe.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: The holiday season is finally over -- and a lot of people are breathing a collective sigh of relief. The pressure of trying to maintain a greeting-card kind of family facade is overwhelming for families already experiencing problems. Parents aren't going to stop fighting because it's suddenly the time for peace and love. And Johnny isn't going to stop acting out, no matter how much everyone wishes differently.

Family dynamics is the reason cited by nearly 43 percent of kids who have run away -- or are thinking about running away from home.

Parents should be especially alert to changes in their child's behavior, including increased stress, withdrawal or overwhelming unhappiness. These are warning signs of a child in crisis, one who may run away to avoid stressful situations. Open communication with children is vital to keep them from turning elsewhere. Taking the time to listen now may prevent a serious problem later.

The National Runaway Switchboard is the federally designated communication system for homeless, runaway and at-risk youth. It is confidential, volunteer-based and not-for-profit.

Please, Abby, encourage young people who are considering running away, and those who already have, as well as parents with children in crisis to call our hotline, (800) 621-4000, before an act of desperation is committed. -- CATHLEEN CAROLAN, NATIONAL RUNAWAY SWITCHBOARD

DEAR CATHLEEN: Thank you for a timely and important letter. The streets of major cities are often the only "home" young runaways are able to find. Once on the streets, they are at risk for physical violence, disease and exploitation. They become victims of crime or even resort to crime themselves in order to survive.

Since 1971, the National Runaway Switchboard has been a valuable tool for runaway youth, teens in crisis and concerned friends and family members. It provides confidential crisis intervention and referral services on a 24-hour hotline. It also offers message relay between runaways and parents or legal guardians, education and outreach services, and administers the Home Free program in partnership with Greyhound Lines Inc. (All services are free.)

The National Runaway Switchboard publishes the Parent Information Guide, which helps parents identify signs that their child may be contemplating running away from home, what to do if a child runs away, and how to deal with the child's return. The guide is also free to anyone who contacts the hotline.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I are planning our wedding and reception. Is it proper to invite guests to the reception only? We'd much prefer to keep the ceremony simple and private with only immediate family. -- BRIDE-TO-BE

DEAR BRIDE-TO-BE: According to "Emily Post's Complete Book of Wedding Etiquette," it's proper to invite guests to the reception only. This is often done in second marriages. In such cases, a verbal invitation is given for the wedding ceremony, while all guests receive a formal invitation to the reception.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend, "Steve," whose wife, "Marie," died five years ago. Marie was one of the most popular and beloved ladies in town. Their child was left without a mother. Steve remarried about two years ago. Marie's mother continued to stay in close contact with Steve and her grandchild.

Recently, Steve approached me at a social function. He was beaming. He told me he was buying a new house. He said his former mother-in-law had told him in plain English to put away Marie's pictures and buy his wife a new home.

Apparently the mother-in-law is a lot like her daughter -- charming, thoughtful and considerate. -- STEVE'S FRIEND

DEAR FRIEND: Marie's mother is also sensitive and practical. Orchids to her. I usually receive letters from readers complaining about their mothers-in-law. It's refreshing to hear the other side of the story. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law, who is now 89, has lived with our family for more than 30 years. Her name is Collette, but everyone calls her Goldie. I don't know when people began calling her that, but I do know she is worth her weight in gold.

Goldie has devoted a large portion of her life to helping my family. We have had to hire a baby sitter only twice for our three children the entire time they were growing up. Goldie cooked the majority of our evening meals. She helped to wash and iron to the point where my wife had to start hiding our clothes to stop her mother from working so hard. She watched our dogs during the day, and they preferred her company over ours.

Whenever my family needed Goldie, she was there. She is very considerate. If she feels we need our privacy, she goes to her living quarters. We often beg her to stay, but she won't change her mind. We learned early on not to impose our wills on Goldie.

I feel sorry for people who don't have a Goldie in their lives. When she is no longer with us, I will forever feel the loss. -- TOM, HER SON-IN-LAW

DEAR TOM: What a glowing tribute for a son-in-law to offer. You're a lucky family to have each other. It would be wonderful if more families could enjoy the love and cooperation between generations that yours does. Perhaps the secret lies in mutual respect for each other's boundaries.

DEAR ABBY: Your wisdom is remarkable. You told "Confused in West Sacramento" that "Happiness is where you find it; age is a state of mind."

I married my lovely Blanche on Sept. 15, 1951. We just celebrated our 50th anniversary at Fancy Feet Ballroom in Oregon City. We danced an exhibition ballroom cha-cha and enjoyed dancing with our many friends. Our son's band furnished two terrific hours of music.

Blanche is now 74; I am 96. (I have a daughter one year older than Blanche.) Love, good nutrition, dancing, gardening and mutual intellectual interests keep us active and happy. Our first date was at the Palladium in Hollywood, Calif. We have danced together with joy ever since! -- HARRY F. BILLINGS, SALEM, ORE.

DEAR HARRY: Your letter proves that dancing not only lifts the spirits, but also provides healthy cardiovascular exercise that can add quality to a long life. The same can be said of love -- which you also have in abundance. May it ever be thus. (I have a hunch your wife loves to dance to "I'm Just Wild About Harry"!)

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)