DEAR ABBY: I am a 14-year-old girl, and I'd like to offer my fellow teen-agers some advice: DO NOT RIDE WITH DRUNK DRIVERS! Getting into a car with a drunk driver and driving drunk are two of the stupidest mistakes anyone can make.

I know a lot of teen-agers will read this and blow off what I'm saying. I had that same attitude last week -- but I learned the hard way.

Two nights ago, I was out with my boyfriend, who had been drinking. We were speeding along a country road and came to a sharp turn with a 10-foot drop. We weren't able to slow down fast enough. The car went airborne.

I closed my eyes. When I opened them, the hood was crushed and the windshield was smashed -- but we walked away without a scratch. It was a miracle. Most people are not so fortunate.

If we had been injured or killed, nobody would have found us for days at the bottom of the ditch. So, I urge all of you not to be stupid. Don't drink and drive -- or ride with a drunk driver. -- STILL SHAKING IN TUSCALOOSA, ALA.

DEAR STILL SHAKING: I hope other teens will take to heart the hard lesson you learned. Your guardian angels must have been sitting in the car with you.

Regrettably, Americans of every age make the deadly decision to consume alcohol and get behind the wheel of a car, and the effects can be tragic injuries and death.

According to the U.S. Department of Transportation, last year -- for the first time in five years -- the number of impaired-driving deaths rose. This information must not be ignored because impaired-driving crashes are not "accidents" -- they are predictable and preventable events.

This holiday season, I urge everyone to think carefully about the choices they make regarding alcohol consumption. Consider the lives and health of families and neighbors. If you plan to drink, don't drive. Agree in advance upon a designated driver, call a taxi or use mass transit. Make this a safe and happy holiday season by making wise choices. And remember, friends don't let friends drive drunk.

DEAR ABBY: I have been having problems with my second wife. My son recently moved here from the East Coast to start a new life. She refused to let him stay with us for even one night. I had to set him up in a room-and-board situation nearby and help him find a job.

Every time he wanted to visit and spend the night, my wife refused. My son may be a little immature for his 21 years, but he's a good kid.

Now my father wants to come for a visit. Again my wife refuses. It's because of a remark my stepmother made three years ago while they were here. My wife still holds a grudge after all this time. I wish she'd get over it.

My family is not perfect, Abby, but they are important to me. I wish I could get my wife to bend a little. Do you have any advice? -- SAD AND CONFUSED IN AUSTIN, TEXAS

DEAR SAD AND CONFUSED: Successful marriages require compromise. As long as your wife rules the roost, nothing will change.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Last year, my brother "Devon" died after a long illness. He is survived by his wife, "Clarisse," and my two nephews. Devon and I were as close as a brother and sister could be. My husband was close to him, too.

Seven months after Devon's passing, Clarisse began dating "Tim." No one was overjoyed by this, but we knew that Clarisse had loved my brother and mourned deeply. We understood it was time for her to move on. We put our feelings aside.

The problem is, my daughter's birthday party is coming up soon. We are hosting a family party and inviting everyone, including Clarisse, Tim and the boys. My parents have expressed disappointment that Clarisse's boyfriend is being included and have informed us that they will not attend if Tim is there.

What should I do? Should I invite everyone, as my husband suggests, and let the chips fall where they may? Or should I respect the wishes of my parents and ask Clarisse not to bring Tim? -- IN THE MIDDLE IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR IN THE MIDDLE: If your parents object to Tim's presence only because they have difficulty accepting that Clarisse has moved on, then I see no reason to exclude him. While they have my deepest sympathy for the loss of their son, they have no right to dictate who should or should not be on your guest list or part of Clarisse's life.

DEAR ABBY: I am a high school senior. My boyfriend, "Corey," and I have been dating since ninth grade. I love him more than anything on Earth. Corey is like another son to my parents, and I feel close to his mother and eight brothers. I can't see myself with any other person.

Our school has a policy that allows seniors to use the loudspeaker system to dedicate birthday greetings to other students. My birthday was last week, and Corey got on the microphone. Instead of saying, "Happy birthday, sweetheart," he said: "To my girlfriend, my best friend, my skateboard buddy. I love you. You're 18, so no more waiting. What I really want to say, honey, is -- will you marry me?" I told him I needed a week to think about it.

The week is up. After asking opinions of my family and friends -- who all have given me a "thumbs up" -- I am still undecided. I know that I love Corey and we are a perfect couple, but I need just one more push in either direction so I can give him a definite answer. Help! -- HOPEFUL AND HELPLESS IN MISSISSIPPI

P.S. Corey said that if I say no, we'll still go out and everything will go back to normal.

DEAR HOPEFUL: A woman who is contemplating a decision as serious as marriage should not need a "push" in either direction. Tell Corey that you will consider his offer of marriage once you both have college behind you. Regardless of how much you and Corey may love each other, you shouldn't marry until you're both self-supporting.

CONFIDENTIAL TO "VIOLENT AND ASHAMED IN RICHMOND, IND.": You have already taken the first step by recognizing that your anger is out of control and asking for help. Please contact your county department of mental health. Tell them it is urgent that you see a counselor immediately and recount the incidents you described to me. You have begun the journey, and I wish you much success with treatment. It will change the lives of every member of your family for the better.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: "Scared and Alone in Britton, Mich." is NOT alone. Five years ago, I went through the exact same experience.

I, too, had been drinking heavily at a college party and was raped by a guy who had been my good friend for years. He was a close friend of my boyfriend's, and I didn't know to whom I could turn. So, like "Scared," I remained silent. I was afraid of what the guy might do to me and of what people would think. I thought if I told, I'd lose my friends.

Sadly, I lost my friends anyway. After the rape, I lost my ability to trust people or let anyone get close to me. I became unable to open up to people without thinking they had some hidden agenda. My friends didn't know what was wrong with me, and they didn't stick around to find out. I was lost and alone.

I want to tell "Scared" from personal experience: TELL SOMEONE WHAT HAPPENED RIGHT AWAY! Go to a support group. Share your experience. Call your friend and tell her. Call a hotline if you wish to remain anonymous. If you don't, you'll have difficulty making and keeping relationships for the rest of your life.

I finally received help, and now, five years later, I have found a wonderful, patient man I want to spend the rest of my life with. I couldn't have done it if I hadn't spent time talking with a counselor and meeting others who have gone through similar experiences. It's not your fault. You are not alone. The sooner you share your experience, the faster you'll heal. -- LIVING AND LOVING AGAIN IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR LIVING AND LOVING: Bless you for writing. A 1998 Centers for Disease Control Study revealed that one woman in six in the United States is a victim of rape or attempted rape. Eighty percent of rapes are acquaintance rapes.

Assault victims: Please don't be afraid to speak up. People are waiting to help you. If you wish to remain anonymous, go to the Internet and visit www.911rape.org to learn about your options. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: "Scared and Alone" has plenty of company. Five months ago, I got drunk at my graduation party and was raped by my friend's brother-in-law. He called me two days later, and my sister overheard my end of the conversation when he denied raping me. When she confronted me, I burst into tears and told her everything. She told our parents for me and we all went to the police.

"Scared" must understand that everyone makes mistakes. But that doesn't give anyone the right to take advantage of that mistake and commit a crime against you. There is no doubt in my mind that my attacker had done this before and would have done it again. Believe me, it is a wonderful feeling to know that because of my actions, he'll never put anyone else through what I endured. -- NO LONGER ALONE IN MISSOURI

DEAR NO LONGER ALONE: Bravo! The attacker has power over his victim only if that person remains silent. To paraphrase an old saying, "Speak the truth and the truth shall set you free."

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)