Mom died suddenly in June of 1982, a mere three months after we helped my parents celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary. Seeing Dad so broken and old at the funeral, we ached for him and worried about his health and future. Silly us! By the end of the year, he called to inform us that he was seeing "Jane," a widowed longtime friend, and that they were being married. I was speechless (a rare occurrence, according to my wife), but quickly gave my blessing along with my brother and two sisters. We knew that Mom and Dad were soulmates, but if Dad was lucky enough to find love again, who were we to deny him?

Dad passed away last June, three months after we celebrated his 80th birthday. We're heartbroken, but our grief is tempered by thoughts of Dad's happy and full 18 years spent with Jane. His life was honored by hundreds of family and friends at his funeral service. I know I speak for the rest of the family in saying that we owe Jane an eternal debt of love and gratitude for sharing her life with Dad. We embrace her as part of the family and will continue to do so until the day she leaves us.

Your advice to "Desperate" neglected to address one small detail. Unless they had obtained a court order, the wiretap his daughters put on his phone was illegal, and they could have been prosecuted. What I say to "Desperate" is simply this: Sir, if you are fortunate enough to find love again in the autumn of your life, go ahead and jump in, right after you tell your daughters to go take a flying leap! -- FORTUNATE SON, LONGVIEW, WASH.

DEAR FORTUNATE SON: It appears your father had many blessings in his life -- not the least of which were his children. Thank you for such an upbeat letter. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: How sad to read the letter from the elderly widower whose daughters drove away his new wife and now threaten to do the same with his new potential mate. I am a lawyer who does a lot of estate planning, and I have a couple of suggestions for him.

First, disinherit these greedy offspring and leave his estate to charity. If he won't do that, have his will include a clause like this:

"If at the time of my death I am married to (the new flame), I leave all of my estate to my two daughters, in equal shares. If I am not married to (the new flame), I leave all of my estate to the following charities: ..."

That should induce the daughters to be kind to the new wife. If the new wife dies first or leaves on her own, the daughters may get nothing, but that is what they deserve anyway.

Finally, his two daughters sound so determined to have his estate that he might want to add a clause that says the provisions for his daughters are to be effective ONLY if they can establish by clear and convincing evidence that his death was not the result of a homicide caused or procured by either of them.

Let the old guy have a life! -- ATTORNEY IN EUGENE, ORE.

DEAR ATTORNEY: When I suggested to "Desperate" that he talk the entire situation over with his attorney, a legal document of some kind was what I had in mind. It did not occur to me that he might need to hire a food-taster. I hope he sees your letter and takes it to heart.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My high school sweetheart and I reunited and married after his wife of eight years died of breast cancer. She was only 39. They had a sweet little girl together, and I brought my two little ones into our new relationship. We have been together for five years and are a very happy blended family.

My husband's former wife -- I'll call her Nicki -- was very close to her parents and siblings. After Nicki's death, they continued their strong relationship with their granddaughter and my husband, and were very accepting of me and my children when we joined the family.

However, one issue troubles me just a bit: Nicki's parents and siblings continue to address my husband as "son-in-law" or "brother-in-law." I know they loved their daughter, and I respect their feelings, but "till death do us part" means just that, and sadly, the title son-in-law died with their daughter. I feel their continued use of this term shows a lack of respect for me and our marriage.

What do you think about this? -- "AUTUMN" IN NEW YORK

DEAR AUTUMN: Lack of respect? Bonds of love are not severed by death. Nicki's family welcomed you. Are you LOOKING for trouble? If the answer is yes, keep dwelling on this imagined slight, and you'll have unhappiness, dissatisfaction and discord in abundance.

DEAR ABBY: I have a very dear friend, "Lois," who lives 600 miles from me. I visit her once or twice a year. She tries to make me feel welcome and comfortable. However, there's one big problem: her St. Bernard, "Bud."

When we sit down to eat, Bud stares at me face-to-face. His doggy breath wafts over my plate. He steals my food if I don't watch him closely.

Lois scolds him, but Bud ignores her. Then she looks at me with an "I'm sorry" expression and does nothing.

I think it is very rude to allow a dog to act this way. Lois could put Bud in another room or on the screened-in porch while we're eating, but she doesn't. This has made me so uncomfortable that I don't think I can bear another visit.

Abby, please print your opinion. Maybe Lois will read it in the paper and recognize herself. Thank you. -- DOGGONE DISGUSTED IN ALABAMA

DEAR DISGUSTED: I don't blame you for being disgusted. Dogs are pack animals -- and Bud is clearly "top dog" in Lois' household. Your friend should have asserted her dominance and exercised some discipline with her dog long ago.

You would be doing Lois a favor to level with her. And in the future, you'd be doing yourself a favor to stay in a hotel and arrange to have your meals with her away from the house until she teaches her pet some manners.

CONFIDENTIAL TO "SCARED ABOUT THE NEW JOB": Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic. (Submitted by David Broome)

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: On June 6, 1989, your column included a test: "Are you an alcoholic?" I was only 27 at the time, and the 10 questions woke me up. I answered nine out of 10 with a yes. When I saw that three or more yes answers meant I had a problem, I took the test again. There was no way I could answer less than seven with a yes.

On June 12, 1989, I walked into DePaul Hospital for treatment. I've been sober ever since. Over the years, I've told hundreds of people about my experience and always promised myself I would write to thank you. -- KURT H.

DEAR KURT: You're welcome. There's an old saying, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink." Obviously, you were receptive to the idea that you might have an alcohol problem and willing to do something about it. I applaud you for it.

For other readers who are concerned about their drinking, I'm printing another test. This one has 12 questions:

ARE YOU AN ALCOHOLIC?

(1) Have you ever decided to stop drinking for a week or so, but lasted only a couple of days?

(2) Do you wish people would stop nagging you about your drinking?

(3) Have you ever switched from one kind of drink to another hoping that would keep you from getting drunk?

(4) Have you had a drink in the morning during the past year?

(5) Do you envy people who can drink without getting into trouble?

(6) Have you had problems connected with drinking during the past year?

(7) Has your drinking caused trouble at home?

(8) Do you ever try to get extra drinks at a party because you did not get enough to drink?

(9) Do you tell yourself you can stop drinking any time you want, even though you keep getting drunk?

(10) Have you missed days at work because of the drinking?

(11) Do you have blackouts?

(12) Have you ever felt that your life would be better if you did not drink?

If you answered yes to four or more of these questions, you are either an alcoholic or on your way to becoming one. So, now what do you do?

For openers, look up Alcoholics Anonymous in the telephone directory. It's listed under "A." There are no dues, and you need not identify yourself unless you want to.

You can also write to AA, P.O. Box 459, Grand Central Station, New York, NY 10163, for information.

If you need treatment, your physician or local mental health professionals can help you choose among available resources for expert, professional treatment.

Good luck and God bless you.

DEAR ABBY: I am 20 years old. My boyfriend of three months is 32. My parents have met him and like him very much. They believe he is the right guy for me. However, when they asked me about his age, I subtracted four years and told them he was only 28. Now I am afraid the truth will come out soon.

Abby, I love my boyfriend and want to stay with him, but I don't know how to break the news to my parents. Please tell me what to say. -- CONFUSED PRINCESS IN PASADENA, CALIF.

DEAR CONFUSED: Tell your parents you need their help with a "math problem" -- and proceed from there.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)