DEAR ABBY: This is for "Sally in Fort Collins, Colo.," who is trying to convince her husband to take some time off from their plumbing business to spend with the family.

I, too, used to work a lot of hours, sometimes working two jobs just to have that "extra cash." It seemed important to make sure my kids had the best clothes, toys, went to the best schools –- whatever. I wanted to drive a nicer car, have a nicer house, etc. There was always tomorrow for field trips or the park. We could wait until next year to take that family vacation.

Now there is no tomorrow. My son died last year. He was only 14. I would live in a cardboard box for the rest of my life to be able to go to a football game or a concert with him. I would take the bus every day if it meant we could hit golf balls in the back yard again.

Sally should tell her husband to think long and hard about what is really important. Things are replaceable. Time is not. -- FILLED WITH REGRET, CHATTANOOGA, TENN.

DEAR FILLED WITH REGRET: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your son. I hope Sally shows your letter to her husband. I can't imagine a more powerful motivator. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I also owned a plumbing company and worked long and hard to be successful. However, we made our kids and our marriage a priority. Kids grow up quickly, and you can lose sight of what's important in your marriage if you don't remember what you're working for in the first place.

My husband and I made a date once a month -– just the two of us. We also made sure we spent quality time with our kids.

I want Sally to show this letter to her husband. My hardworking, healthy-as-a-horse husband was diagnosed with kidney cancer and was dead eight months later. The kids and I are left with the happy times we spent together. Please urge Sally and her husband to make the time TODAY. They might not have tomorrow. -- SOUTH TEXAS WIDOW

DEAR WIDOW: You're right. There are no guarantees. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My husband also said he was working hard for an early retirement. For 20 years, the boys and I did all the things families do -– only without their father. I was more or less a married single mother. The boys' barber once asked them if they ever visited their father, because he hadn't seen him for years and assumed we were divorced.

When it was time for the good life, my husband found someone else and left us. Sticking around for 20 years was stupid on my part, but I wouldn't trade the relationship I had –- and still have -– with my two sons for anything in the world. I have tried to teach them to work hard and play hard. Life is too short not to. Workaholism destroys relationships. I don't consider myself a loser, but I do think my ex-husband is. He missed out on a great family. -- HAPPY IN INDIANA

DEAR HAPPY: How sad for him. We usually get out of relationships what we invest in them. I don't think you were stupid for sticking around; you were finishing the job you started, and your signature shows it was the right thing for you.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Please ask your readers to trick-or-treat for a worthy cause this Halloween.

We need thousands of volunteer "ghouls and boys" to collect used eyeglasses during the third annual "Sight Night," a program sponsored by Lions Clubs International and LensCrafters. The donated glasses will be recycled and delivered to needy individuals in countries such as Tunisia, Bolivia and Mexico.

In many developing countries, people have little or no access to eye care, and glasses may cost up to one month's wages. The outdated glasses lying around in your drawer may be a precious gift to someone in need.

Last year, Sight Night was a howling success. Volunteers scared up 86,000 pairs of glasses on Halloween. This year, we hope more groups such as Scout troops and school districts will help collect.

Lions Clubs have been collecting and recycling used eyeglasses for those in need for more than 70 years, and have partnered with LensCrafters since 1988.

Abby, if your readers want to scare up some fun this Halloween, urge them to give the gift of sight to kids and adults around the world! -- J. FRANK MOORE III, PRESIDENT, 2001-2002 LIONS CLUBS INTERNATIONAL

DEAR MR. MOORE: Gladly. I know my readers will take your worthwhile cause to their hearts, because it's an effortless way to do good deeds while having fun.

Readers, learn how youth groups can trick-or-treat for used eyeglasses by contacting your local Lions Club or LensCrafters; visit www.sightnight.org, or call the toll-free number 877-605-4242. If trick-or-treaters don't make it to pick up the glasses on Halloween, have no fear, Lions Club and LensCrafters accept used eyeglasses year-round.

P.S. For their safety, young trick-or-treaters should always be accompanied by an adult.

DEAR ABBY: This is for "Dog Deprived in Denver," written by the young man whose parents won't let him get a dog. (He had his heart set on a collie.)

Please don't force a dog on your parents if they don't want one. Dogs are sensitive and highly perceptive. They know when someone doesn't like them. The dog and your parents could end up unhappy -- and so could you. Contrary to what you think, dogs -- especially collies -- need and crave exercise. Please consider this:

We used to agonize over our favorite furry friends being cooped up all day alone. Millions of working couples and single adults who are dog owners often need to work much later than the hour when you get home from school. Why not knock on some doors in your neighborhood or print up fliers and advertise yourself as a "dog buddy"? Your services could include feeding, 30 minutes of playtime and/or a walk -- all for a small fee.

My husband and I would have gladly paid someone like you to provide this service for our dog. You could end up with many loving canine friends, along with some grateful neighbors -- not to mention a tidy little income. This way, everyone ends up happy!

Good luck. We're confident you will someday have lots of wonderful dogs of your own. -- SALLY AND JOE, DOG LOVERS IN NORTHVILLE, MICH.

DEAR SALLY AND JOE: You're barking up the right tree. What a terrific idea for a lonely, animal-loving youngster. Or anyone, for that matter, who has a void that only a furry, four-footed friend can fill.

However, a word to the wise: Kids should speak to their parents before offering their services to strangers.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I must respond to "Bisexual in New Jersey," who asked what his wife would gain if she found out.

What would she gain? Her life. You're afraid to stand up and say you are gay to the world; so is your lover. Your wife deserves better from you. She has given herself to you, and she shouldn't be repaid like this.

I am the ex-wife of a man who recently came out. We were married for 20 years. I had no clue he was gay. He woke up one morning to tell me he didn't love me anymore, the marriage was over, and I had no choice but to "get over it." He said he's put up a good front through our 20 years together.

My ex has a married lover. I feel for his wife. She has no idea. You don't know how painful it is to find out your married life was a lie. I owe my well-being to my therapist, who helped me understand why gays do this. It isn't their fault. It is society's fault for making them feel ashamed, and the spouse is the one who pays for it. -- ALONE IN OHIO

DEAR ALONE: Because we live in a society that places great emphasis on "family values," many gay people marry in order to conform to societal pressure. While they may be able to stifle their inner feelings for a while –- even for years -– it should come as no surprise that eventually their true feelings emerge. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I was married more than 30 years when my husband came out to me. I lost my former life, including my home, friends, in-laws, my sexual identity, financial security, retirement plans, etc. I'm still struggling to put my life back together. My marriage is gone, and with it everything I thought was meaningful to both of us. I would much prefer to be in my marriage than living the life I am now.

Gay people have support groups to turn to with their needs. Support groups are also needed for the families left by the gay spouse. Straight spouses and former spouses need their concerns addressed, too. -- ALONE IN PHOENIX

DEAR ALONE: Of course they do. Please read on:

DEAR ABBY: "Bisexual" says his wife would destroy her life, his life, their kids' lives, his lover's and his lover's family's lives if she stumbled upon his 10-year affair with another married man. Hasn't his secret life already destroyed the trust at the heart of both marriages?

"What would his wife gain?" he asks. The truth! His wife would be devastated, but not destroyed. Wives whose husbands come out -– the thousands with whom I have spoken since 1984 -– tell me that knowing the truth was horrible, but better than living their husbands' lie without knowing it.

A nationwide support network is ready to help her resolve her anger, pain and grief in a constructive way. Resources are listed on the Straight Spouse Network Web page: www.ssnetwk.org; by e-mail: dir(at)ssnetwk.org; or by phone: (510) 525-0200. -- AMITY P. BUXTON, PH.D.

DEAR AMITY: I'm pleased to hear from you. I recognize your name as the author of an excellent book on this subject, "The Other Side of the Closet: The Coming-Out Crisis for Straight Spouses and Families." Thank you for sharing these important resources.

The first reaction many spouses have when they are told their husband or wife is gay is that of shame. They feel somehow they are to blame. In their zeal to hide the truth, they wind up closeting and isolating themselves –- actually assuming their spouse's place in the closet! It is vital that they understand they are not alone. An estimated 2 million women and men in the United States are (or were) married to a homosexual or bisexual partner.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)