DEAR ABBY: I am in my mid-20s and have found the perfect man. We are very much in love and have discussed marriage. We are sexually active and responsible about using birth control.

A week and a half ago, my period was noticeably late. I voiced my concerns to "Bob." He assured me everything would be fine and tried to console me; however, he never said anything about marrying me if I was pregnant. It turned out to be a false alarm.

Last night, Bob told me he needed "space"; that there are things he needs to accomplish in life before getting married. He said his decision had nothing to do with me and that he still loves me very much. I find it too coincidental that this change came about only a week after my possible pregnancy. We talked it over and ended our relationship.

Abby, I couldn't bear the thought of being with a man who is capable of running away from his responsibility. I, too, have things I'd like to accomplish in life, but I would have liked to achieve them with Bob by my side. Do you think I made the right decision to end it, or did I overreact? -- AT A LOSS IN ATLANTA

DEAR AT A LOSS: Overreact? Not at all. Your false alarm made your "perfect man" show his true colors.

DEAR ABBY: I am a teen-age girl in middle school. I had this boyfriend, "Bud." We were really close and were friends long before we became girlfriend and boyfriend. There was also this other boy, "Burke," who is very good-looking. We called each other a few times and just "clicked."

Some friends told me if I wanted things to spark with Burke, I would have to break up with Bud. I was in love with Bud and didn't want to break up with him -- but I wanted "sparks to fly" with Burke and me, so I broke up with Bud. He was very hurt.

Later that night, Burke didn't call me, and I found out he didn't want to be my boyfriend. I immediately called Bud, crying, and asked him to take me back. He said no!

Abby, I can't eat or sleep and I don't go out with my friends anymore. Now Bud likes another girl, and I can't stand her! Please tell me what to do. -- DEPRESSED AND CONFUSED IN VIRGINIA

DEAR DEPRESSED: You've learned a valuable lesson at a young age: A Bud in the hand is worth two Burkes in the bush. Treasure what you have and learn from your mistakes.

DEAR ABBY: You might like to share my method of updating an address book: Last year I tore all the little return address labels from the holiday cards I received and pasted them in my address book.

It makes for a much neater look and guarantees the addresses are correct. It also eliminates scratch-outs and messy handwriting, because if an address changes, I simply paste the new label over the old.

Since I never miss your column and learn much from your readers, I thought I would return the favor. -- MARY FOLDEN, NAPERVILLE, ILL.

DEAR MARY: It's a clever idea -- and with the holidays approaching, certainly worth trying. Thanks for the suggestion.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I had searched all over the city of Los Angeles for an American flag for my car. Saturday afternoon, around 2:30, I stopped for a red light on Wilshire Boulevard. In the car next to mine were two young women who had a flag mounted outside their window. I lowered my window and asked where they got their flag. They said they had waited in line two hours to purchase two flags, and then the passenger reached into the back seat and handed me one.

I don't know their names. I do know that it is acts of patriotism like theirs that will keep this country strong and proud. Please print this so they'll know their kindness and generosity were appreciated. -- DR. DOROTHY NEUMAN, BEVERLY HILLS, CALIF.

DEAR DR. NEUMAN: I'm pleased to do it. Your benefactors deserve to be saluted. I have heard stories about opportunistic people who stormed flag stores and bought flags by the dozen, only to resell them at double or triple the usual price. Greed at the expense of patriotism is shameful. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am 12 years old and am concerned about how people are treating each other.

After the terrorist attacks on Sept. 11, many people have been treating Muslims badly because they suspect that the people who were responsible came from the Middle East. That is not fair! We should not hurt people who probably were not even connected with these attacks. It's like saying one person killed someone, so their sister must have killed someone, too.

Please print this, Abby. In times like this the people in our country should join together, not tear each other apart. -- RACHAEL ERICKSON

DEAR RACHAEL: Well said. I am also concerned about reports of the scapegoating of Arab-Americans (both Christian and Muslim) and of brown-skinned people who happen to resemble them (for example, Hispanics, Indians and Southeast Asians). I hope your letter will make the guilty parties stop and rethink what they are doing. Such acts are a reflection of panic and ignorance, not patriotism. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Your recent column about rape and the stigma that goes along with it got me to thinking. I was raped 19 years ago on Sept. 11. The violent acts of terrorism that occurred on Sept. 11, 2001, are much like being raped. It was not our fault. We were unable to see it coming. We couldn't stop it from happening. Americans lost their sense of security and became afraid. This is what happens to rape victims. Just like rape victims, Americans' lives have been forever changed. -- DOUBLE VICTIM IN INDIANA

DEAR DOUBLE VICTIM: Thank you for a thought-provoking letter. Our country has much to be proud of. Our people are united in a way we haven't been for 60 years, and we're receiving overwhelming support from the family of nations. These are challenging times, but America is at her best when faced with challenges.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 12-year-old girl and I need some advice. My dad recently had an affair with a woman he met when he went back to school. She is also married. He asked her to marry him, but she said no, so he decided to come back home. He has left us twice before, so my home isn't very stable.

My parents got married at a very young age and have been together for 26 years. Mom tells me she doesn't want to get divorced, because she is still in love with him and thinks that "a two-parent home is better than a one-parent home." She may be right, but even my counselor agrees that one stable parent is better than two unstable parents.

Now that Dad is living back home, he expects me to act like nothing happened -- that we are "one happy family." I can't do it, and I'm still very hurt. What should I do? -- NEEDS ADVICE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR NEEDS ADVICE: Since no one in your family has amnesia, your father's expectations are unrealistic. Considering the fact that he has left the family multiple times, your feelings of hurt and distrust are valid. Family counseling could be helpful to all of you, but if your parents are unwilling, the wisest thing you can do is to continue talking with your counselor until you work through more of your feelings.

DEAR ABBY: Our oldest daughter "Bonnie" has just entered into her second relationship since her recent divorce. We are concerned that she continually uproots our grandchildren to move to a different place. We feel it's time a woman in her 30s "settled down" and gave her children a stable home environment. The father of the children was killed in an unfortunate accident.

Each time she claims to be "in love" and expects us to welcome her new man when we have barely had time to adjust to the last one. Our youngest daughter, "June," feels as we do. Consequently, the two girls no longer speak.

Our dilemma: Since we all live far away from each other, we get together once a year for a family reunion. We always stay with June and her family because Bonnie has never had a spare room until now. Our reunion is coming up, and because of the rift we won't all be together. We would like to see Bonnie and the grandchildren, but are not interested in meeting her new man or traveling to her new home.

How can I diplomatically explain to Bonnie and settle on a neutral place to meet without any hurt feelings? -- CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR CAUGHT: There is no way you can do that, so I urge you to rethink your plan of action. You are not helping your daughter, Bonnie, to make "wise choices" by making her feel like an outcast. If June doesn't want to speak to her -- fine. But Bonnie has suffered enough tragedy and disappointment without your adding to her grief. Punishing her will only widen the rift.

DEAR ABBY: The woman I live with accepted a gift -- a dog -- from a guy. Six weeks later she had an affair with him. It happened only weeks after we had made commitments for a future together.

The problem now is the dog. She says she is keeping it because it was a personal gift. I don't want it around because it is a constant reminder that she cheated on me with the person who gave it to her. I feel that keeping the dog shows a lack of respect for me and our relationship.

I need an answer. Should she keep the dog? -- GARY IN LINCOLN, NEB.

DEAR GRAY: Considering what the dog symbolizes, certainly not. And if she insists on keeping it, I predict your future will be 'ruff, 'ruff, 'ruff!

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)