DEAR ABBY: I had searched all over the city of Los Angeles for an American flag for my car. Saturday afternoon, around 2:30, I stopped for a red light on Wilshire Boulevard. In the car next to mine were two young women who had a flag mounted outside their window. I lowered my window and asked where they got their flag. They said they had waited in line two hours to purchase two flags, and then the passenger reached into the back seat and handed me one.

I don't know their names. I do know that it is acts of patriotism like theirs that will keep this country strong and proud. Please print this so they'll know their kindness and generosity were appreciated. -- DR. DOROTHY NEUMAN, BEVERLY HILLS, CALIF.

DEAR DR. NEUMAN: I'm pleased to do it. Your benefactors deserve to be saluted. I have heard stories about opportunistic people who stormed flag stores and bought flags by the dozen, only to resell them at double or triple the usual price. Greed at the expense of patriotism is shameful. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am 12 years old and am concerned about how people are treating each other.

After the terrorist attacks on Sept. 11, many people have been treating Muslims badly because they suspect that the people who were responsible came from the Middle East. That is not fair! We should not hurt people who probably were not even connected with these attacks. It's like saying one person killed someone, so their sister must have killed someone, too.

Please print this, Abby. In times like this the people in our country should join together, not tear each other apart. -- RACHAEL ERICKSON

DEAR RACHAEL: Well said. I am also concerned about reports of the scapegoating of Arab-Americans (both Christian and Muslim) and of brown-skinned people who happen to resemble them (for example, Hispanics, Indians and Southeast Asians). I hope your letter will make the guilty parties stop and rethink what they are doing. Such acts are a reflection of panic and ignorance, not patriotism. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Your recent column about rape and the stigma that goes along with it got me to thinking. I was raped 19 years ago on Sept. 11. The violent acts of terrorism that occurred on Sept. 11, 2001, are much like being raped. It was not our fault. We were unable to see it coming. We couldn't stop it from happening. Americans lost their sense of security and became afraid. This is what happens to rape victims. Just like rape victims, Americans' lives have been forever changed. -- DOUBLE VICTIM IN INDIANA

DEAR DOUBLE VICTIM: Thank you for a thought-provoking letter. Our country has much to be proud of. Our people are united in a way we haven't been for 60 years, and we're receiving overwhelming support from the family of nations. These are challenging times, but America is at her best when faced with challenges.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 12-year-old girl and I need some advice. My dad recently had an affair with a woman he met when he went back to school. She is also married. He asked her to marry him, but she said no, so he decided to come back home. He has left us twice before, so my home isn't very stable.

My parents got married at a very young age and have been together for 26 years. Mom tells me she doesn't want to get divorced, because she is still in love with him and thinks that "a two-parent home is better than a one-parent home." She may be right, but even my counselor agrees that one stable parent is better than two unstable parents.

Now that Dad is living back home, he expects me to act like nothing happened -- that we are "one happy family." I can't do it, and I'm still very hurt. What should I do? -- NEEDS ADVICE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR NEEDS ADVICE: Since no one in your family has amnesia, your father's expectations are unrealistic. Considering the fact that he has left the family multiple times, your feelings of hurt and distrust are valid. Family counseling could be helpful to all of you, but if your parents are unwilling, the wisest thing you can do is to continue talking with your counselor until you work through more of your feelings.

DEAR ABBY: Our oldest daughter "Bonnie" has just entered into her second relationship since her recent divorce. We are concerned that she continually uproots our grandchildren to move to a different place. We feel it's time a woman in her 30s "settled down" and gave her children a stable home environment. The father of the children was killed in an unfortunate accident.

Each time she claims to be "in love" and expects us to welcome her new man when we have barely had time to adjust to the last one. Our youngest daughter, "June," feels as we do. Consequently, the two girls no longer speak.

Our dilemma: Since we all live far away from each other, we get together once a year for a family reunion. We always stay with June and her family because Bonnie has never had a spare room until now. Our reunion is coming up, and because of the rift we won't all be together. We would like to see Bonnie and the grandchildren, but are not interested in meeting her new man or traveling to her new home.

How can I diplomatically explain to Bonnie and settle on a neutral place to meet without any hurt feelings? -- CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR CAUGHT: There is no way you can do that, so I urge you to rethink your plan of action. You are not helping your daughter, Bonnie, to make "wise choices" by making her feel like an outcast. If June doesn't want to speak to her -- fine. But Bonnie has suffered enough tragedy and disappointment without your adding to her grief. Punishing her will only widen the rift.

DEAR ABBY: The woman I live with accepted a gift -- a dog -- from a guy. Six weeks later she had an affair with him. It happened only weeks after we had made commitments for a future together.

The problem now is the dog. She says she is keeping it because it was a personal gift. I don't want it around because it is a constant reminder that she cheated on me with the person who gave it to her. I feel that keeping the dog shows a lack of respect for me and our relationship.

I need an answer. Should she keep the dog? -- GARY IN LINCOLN, NEB.

DEAR GRAY: Considering what the dog symbolizes, certainly not. And if she insists on keeping it, I predict your future will be 'ruff, 'ruff, 'ruff!

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

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DEAR ABBY: I would like to share a recent experience with those of your readers who are anti-cell phone. I understand the anxiety concerning motorists who use cell phones.

I was recently on the freeway and found myself following a van that had a bumper sticker that read, "Shut up and drive!" with a picture of a cell phone. The van unexpectedly swerved to one side and braked as though the driver was alarmed. I wondered if something was wrong (I am a medical practitioner) and cautiously crept up alongside.

When I looked in, I saw a family with the husband driving. The wife was holding a container of ketchup for him to dip his fries into while he held a hamburger with the other hand. At one point, she even shifted gears for him!

Abby, I was appalled. I still can't get over the absurdity. How hypocritical for those people to have a bumper sticker criticizing drivers who use cell phones, while actually doing something more dangerous themselves. I waited for my chance to shake a finger at them, but they were too busy eating and passing food around to notice. -- COMMUTER IN VANCOUVER, WASH.

DEAR COMMUTER: According to the literature I have seen regarding the use of cell phones behind the wheel, the driver is as "impaired" as someone who has had three shots of alcohol. Not a happy thought. However, people driving on public roads using no hands and expecting a passenger to do the gear-shifting are beyond the pale -- a danger to themselves and others.

DEAR ABBY: I am in my mid-60s. My wife and I were married 38 years. She died a year ago.

I know it is customary for women to wear their wedding rings after their husband's death, but should men continue wearing their wedding bands?

Although I do not want to offend my children and in-laws by removing my ring, on the other hand, I do not want to appear foolish for continuing to wear it when I am no longer married.

What is proper under these circumstances? -- WONDERING WIDOWER IN WISCONSIN

DEAR WONDERING: When a widow or widower is ready to begin dating again, the wedding rings usually are removed or transferred to the right hand. Since it has been a year since your wife's death, if you wish to remove yours, no one will criticize you for it.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 31 years to a good man. His problem is hygiene. He works hard every day and does not shower before he comes to bed. I shower every night. His sexual partner is clean; mine is dirty.

He showers in the morning, and the rest of the world sees a clean, fragrant man -- but I don't.

Am I being unreasonable to ask my husband to shower in the evening? I guess most people shower in the morning. Please advise me. -- CLOTHESPIN CONNIE ON LONG ISLAND

DEAR CONNIE: With pleasure. Ask your husband to shower with you in the evenings. It might be all the encouragement he needs to clean up his act, not to mention adult fun for both of you.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)