DEAR ABBY: I'm going to be 65 soon. Yesterday I got a call from my daughter telling me: "Sorry, I'm going to be late with your birthday card again this year. I don't have time to get one. I'm really busy. We're working on the house, and I got a new job. I'll send you one in a few weeks." My daughter knows how much I love getting cards and being remembered. However, she thinks it's funny when she says, "I got your card, but I can't find a stamp. Maybe you'll receive it sometime next year."

Are there other daughters like mine, or is she the only one? I'd like other daughters and sons to know that when your mother is gone, she's not coming back. Take a little time now, while she's alive, to show her you love her. Thanks, Abby. -- SAD MOTHER IN TEXAS

DEAR SAD MOTHER: Yes, there are other daughters and sons like yours. And you're right, life isn't a dress rehearsal. Every moment is precious.

Knowing how you feel, your daughter appears to have a warped sense of humor and to enjoy withholding what makes you happy. You have described a person who thinks the world revolves around her.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have a 15-year-old daughter I'll call Anna. She's a good girl and has a very casual boyfriend, who is also 15. Occasionally they get together at our house to talk.

Anna and her dad think she should be able to visit with her boyfriend upstairs in her bedroom. I feel that even though their relationship is innocent, eventually Anna will become more interested in boys. Therefore, it's a good idea that all visitors of the opposite sex be entertained in a common living area -- like the living room, family room or kitchen. Then these kids can occasionally be checked on.

Abby, please let me know your opinion. -- NOT UPSET YET

DEAR NOT UPSET YET: I agree with you. There is less temptation when everything is out in the open.

DEAR ABBY: With regard to the column you printed about the woman who wore a tongue stud while being interviewed for a job:

As a teacher, I talk to classrooms of students about how they dress and what their attire conveys to the people who see them.

I ask these students: "When you see someone dressed like a policeman, what do you think that person does? When you see someone dressed like a nurse or a doctor, what do you think that person does? If you saw someone walk into a bank with a stocking pulled over his head, what would you think? How about when you see someone wearing a business suit?" etc. Finally, I ask, "What are you trying to say to people when you dress?"

What we wear is a statement to the people around us. How we dress, tattoo, pierce, style our hair and present ourselves is an expression of who we are, and a message to the people we encounter. Do not be defensive if they react to the message you are sending. -- LEA IN MINNESOTA

DEAR LEA: You make your point very well.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been married 62 years to the same man. I am 84. He is 87. When he is good, he's very good. When he is bad, he is BAD. However, he's always been there when I needed him. I recently fractured my hip, and I don't know what I would have done without him.

Abby, for 62 years this husband of mine could never say, "I love you." So, now I'm lying in the hospital, and I hear this forlorn voice, "I'm lost without you. I love you." I answered, "Pardon me, sir? Who's calling?" (I had to break a hip for him to say, "I love you"!)

So, to you guys out there -- please don't wait until your wife breaks her hip. Say "I love you" now, and mean it. -- BETTER LATE THAN NEVER

DEAR BETTER LATE: I'm pleased you finally got to hear the words you longed to hear. For other wives whose husbands are mute when it comes to the subject of love, read on:

DEAR ABBY: This is for all those women who complain their husbands aren't romantic enough or don't talk to them. I am married to one of those guys -- and I wouldn't trade him for all the Romeos in the world.

This is not to say we haven't had our differences -- we've had some wowzers. My man can't say "I love you" with a straight face, and he once presented me with a weed eater for my birthday.

However, he shows me that he loves me every day. When I get up in the morning, he's already made coffee for me. I never have to ask him to take out the trash -- it's already been done. He empties the dishwasher because he knows it's not my favorite chore. He makes the bed, fixes his own breakfast and feeds the dog. (It's supposed to be my dog, but she has eyes only for him, and loves him as much as I do.)

My husband digs my garden, fills my composter and keeps my car in tiptop shape. He stood beside me through the deaths of my parents and only sister. His choice of comfort words may have left a little to be desired, but without complaint he made sure I ate regular meals and gave me the space I needed to grieve.

He has provided me with every creature comfort (and then some), supported me in all the wacko hobbies I've plunged into, eaten the "strange food" I like, taken me places he never would have gone, and provided for my future should I have to face life without him. He's a terrific lover, fun to be with, and makes me laugh out loud at least once a day.

My husband has taught me patience and helped me to grow up, even though I was 36 when we married. He has yet to declare his undying love for me, and we never talk about "feelings," but he doesn't have to, Abby -- he does the deeds.

Every Valentine's Day he clears his calendar to be with me. Now, that's worth a volume of fancy words! This month we will celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary. I only hope he knows how much I love him. Here's one woman who knows that true romance is all in how you define it. -- SANDY IN PHOENIX

DEAR SANDY: Take no chances in letting your husband know how you feel. If words won't suffice, clip this column and leave it on his pillow. From your description he is 99.44 percent perfect.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: What do you do when your daughter tells you she has turned into a lesbian?

My husband and I raised her properly. She was married, but things changed. We are respectable people who try to be loving and kind.

Abby, will our daughter ever "turn around" and realize her biological clock is ticking? Will we ever see grandchildren? -- A MOTHER WHO CARES A LOT

DEAR MOTHER: Your daughter's sexual orientation has nothing to do with the way she was raised. Continue to love her as you always have. She needs your support now more than ever. Although your daughter will probably never "turn around," it is still possible for you and your husband to become grandparents. Many gay couples adopt or give birth to children, so don't give up hope.

I'm sure you may have many more questions than you have put in your letter. An excellent source of information and support for you would be an organization called PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays). Contact them by writing PFLAG, 1726 M St. N.W., Washington, DC 20036, or by e-mail at info(at)pflag.org, or by visiting the Web site at www.pflag.org. You'll be glad you did.

DEAR ABBY: This is for the "Freshman in Dallas," who asked how to adjust to his/her first days in high school. Please print my letter, because I have been in that person's shoes.

Dear Freshman: I'm about to start my senior year. When I was a freshman, I learned that none of my friends would be going to the same school as me because I was going to a magnet school. I was painfully shy, but I loved the theater and decided to join the drama club.

It worked miracles! Not only did I find a slew of new friends, but I overcame my shyness as well.

Any activities, like sports, band or drama, will help you meet great people who share your interests. In these activities, it is also common for a freshman to have friends who are juniors and seniors -- very helpful!

Good luck. I really hope you have as much of a blast as I've had in high school. Ninth grade was my best year so far. -- BEEN THERE AND LOVED IT, NEWPORT NEWS, VA.

DEAR BEEN THERE: I'm sure your upbeat and encouraging letter will be appreciated by more students than the one for whom it is intended. How generous of you to share your personal experience. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Please recommend that "Freshman" investigate the different campus organizations and activities available at his or her school. There are many clubs and service groups in addition to classes in journalism, yearbook production, drama and music.

All these activities provide legitimate social interactions while students work together on common goals. They are a wonderful way to meet new people, get involved and have fun.

Incidentally, all of these activities look great on college applications. Sign me ... COLLEGE STUDENT IN SANTA CLARITA, CALIF.

DEAR STUDENT: Your letter is sure to provide food for thought to thousands of incoming freshmen. Thank you for the input.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)