DEAR ABBY: I am a 38-year-old divorced professional and mother of two. I have been dating "Fred" for seven years.

This year, for the first time, we did not spend our vacation together. As a matter of fact, he didn't even bother to call and tell me the plans had changed. I was left standing with packed bags and nowhere to go for 12 days of vacation. I don't normally travel by myself, so I was at a loss as to what to do. I was also embarrassed to have been stood up.

I called Fred's home several times and left messages on his answering machine. (We live 500 miles apart, so I couldn't just drop by and see what was up.) Abby, he hasn't returned any of my calls. At this point, I haven't a clue as to whether he's dead or alive.

Fred has never stood me up for a vacation, but he has been a no-show for a couple of dates over the years.

Now I'm trying to pick myself up and go on. I love him no matter what; however, I'm wondering if I have been dumped. Have I? -- BROKENHEARTED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR BROKENHEARTED: It would seem so. Fred appears to be a man of few words, but from where I'm sitting, his actions have told you "So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, goodbye" loud and clear.

Consider yourself lucky. Better to know now that he got the seven-year itch than to waste any more time on him or discover it after you were married.

DEAR ABBY: I am worried about my 10-year-old daughter. She seems to have a problem making friends. She's very active in sports and doesn't seem to have a problem getting along with the other kids when she's with them in a group. However, when it comes to a one-on-one friendship -- like someone spending the night or an outing at the movies -- she has a difficult time getting anyone to agree to go. I am worried that she has no real friends. -- WORRIED MOM IN TENNESSEE

DEAR WORRIED MOM: It's time to expand your daughter's horizons. Help her to get involved with other special-interest activities -- dance, skating, scouting, etc. It will give her an opportunity to make friends outside her usual circle. If she still has difficulty making friends, have a talk with her teacher and ask if there is some behavior that's creating a problem. If that doesn't help, some sessions with a child psychologist could shed some light on what's causing the problem.

DEAR ABBY: My parents are retirement age, but still working because they're in debt up to their eyeballs. They had a large family, which took its toll on their finances.

Dad is in his 70s and works two jobs. Mom works on and off at a part-time job. The problem is she loves to shop for herself and others -- buying frivolous things. Mom's holiday shopping gets way out of hand. My siblings and I are worried that if she continues this spending, Dad will never get a day off to maintain his health.

We have thought about pitching in money, but we believe Mom should help to pay their bills. If we bring it up, she keeps reminding us how hard it was being married to an alcoholic and raising six children. (Dad got help for his drinking problem several years ago. This is no time for revenge.)

We love our mother, but we're afraid if she continues her shopping frenzy, there will be no end to it. Abby, we need some straightforward advice. Sign me ... DAUGHTER OF DEBT

DEAR DAUGHTER: It's intervention time. Confiscate Mom's credit cards and get her into Debtors Anonymous. The behavior you have described is a sickness, and she needs help. For information and the location of the nearest meeting, call (781) 453-2743 or visit the Web site: www.debtorsanonymous.org.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Finding "pennies from heaven" has always been a pastime in our family, especially since Granny died three summers ago. Spotting shiny pennies in store parking lots and on the field before soccer games makes us realize that Granny is with us in spirit during those games and shopping excursions. The pennies are a comforting reminder that she is close.

A most unusual incident occurred a few days before our last holiday: I was rushing around, feeling unusually overwhelmed about getting the family ready for our big car trip. As the day wore on, I became more and more uptight. I was tired, cranky, and my shoes were suddenly too tight.

As I removed my sandals, I discovered a shiny penny wedged between my sandal strap and the top of my foot! Now really, wouldn't I have felt it there before that? And how in the world did it get there?

Methinks Granny was trying to tell me to slow down -- that everything was going to fall into place and not to let it get to me. In fact, we had a wonderful holiday, and I'm sure dear Granny was at every stop we made. -- S. KLASSEN, PRINCE ALBERT, SASKATCHEWAN, CANADA

DEAR S. KLASSEN: Your experience gives new meaning to the phrase "running into money."

DEAR ABBY: I love the penny stories. Here's mine:

Several years ago, while I was having lunch with my mother, an elderly gentleman approached our table and asked me to hold out my hand. With a questioning look, I did as he requested. He placed a shiny new penny in the palm of my hand. I smiled at him and asked why he was giving me this gift. He said that ever since he had returned safely from World War II, he has made it a habit to give every "redhead" he sees a lucky penny!

I still have it wrapped in cellophane in my jewelry box. It's one of my most treasured possessions. -- A REDHEAD IN OREGON

DEAR REDHEAD: What a lovely compliment. That veteran not only had an eye for the ladies, but he was a smooth talker as well. I salute him. (Let's trust it wasn't "G.I. jive.")

DEAR ABBY: I had two daughters, 47 and 45. My older daughter, who was dying of cancer, gave her sister a penny and asked her to keep it to remember her by when she was gone.

One day, I asked my younger daughter to come with me to pick out a car. We went to one place and then to a second one. When we approached the entrance, she found a lucky penny and put it in her wallet. Then I found a penny. Then she began to find more, and so did I. We counted them up. She had six -- I had eight.

We were so excited, we threw the pennies in our purses. We both felt that they were a sign from my deceased daughter telling us to buy the second car because it was a better deal -- which I did.

Now the pennies we collected that day are wrapped in white lace, tied with a purple ribbon and suspended from the rearview mirror of my new car. Every time I look at them, I know my daughter's spirit is with me. Pennies from heaven, indeed. -- SONIA, NORWICH, CONN.

DEAR SONIA: No kidding! Any time customers leave a car dealership with more money than they came in with -- you KNOW the pennies are from heaven.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 53 and happily divorced. The reason: My wife cheated on me for years.

My question concerns a much younger woman with whom I've become involved. She is 20 years my junior, and lo and behold -- my ex-wife is hopping mad. She's accusing me of being out of my mind to be involved with a "kid" who's not that much older than our 20-something daughter.

Abby, this younger woman and I are getting serious. We have even discussed marriage. Is my ex-wife right? Am I being foolish? You know what they say -- there's no fool like an old fool. -- CONFUSED IN WEST SACRAMENTO

DEAR CONFUSED: What I say is this: Happiness is where you find it; age is a state of mind.

DEAR ABBY: I have once again consulted your wonderful "How to Write Letters for All Occasions" booklet in order to write a letter of sympathy. In it you wrote, "When a baby is stillborn, it is a traumatic experience for the parents. When friends and relatives ignore this tragedy (as many do, because 'we didn't want to bring it up for fear of making them sad'), the grieving parents feel hurt and abandoned."

Abby, this is also true when a child is placed for adoption. The decision is agonizing and the loss is profound. The mother experiences the pregnancy and birth and often bonds with her child in the limited time after birth that she has with him or her. Virtually every birth mother wants her child.

It takes courage for a woman to go through the often humiliating experience of placing her child for adoption. We mothers are not copping out or neglecting our children. We are trying to do what we think is best for our children.

I could name five families in our neighborhood who did not have the courage to do right by their children and let them go. Their children are berated and ignored and left alone to raise themselves. In the case of the more fortunate of these children, the neighbors guide the young people and show them the respect, encouragement and affection they so desperately need, and more important, deserve.

So, please, Abby, tell your readers that if they know someone who has been through the horrendous experience of losing a child, whether it be through death or adoption, they should offer their sympathy. It is a loss like no other. -- MARYLOU IN HOUSTON

DEAR MARYLOU: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the pain and loss you feel because of the sacrifice you made for the benefit of your child's future. Allowing your child to be raised by others took not only courage, but also a brutally realistic appraisal of your ability to provide for it. I salute you.

Thank you for pointing out that women who choose to allow a family to adopt their children need special support; however, for some women, the decision is a private one, and not all of them may welcome such a letter.

Readers, to purchase the booklet Marylou found helpful in writing a letter of sympathy, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letters Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.