DEAR ABBY: Several years ago, I was in a car accident and was prescribed the painkiller Vicodin. Because of some bad personal relationships and terrible choices, I became addicted.

During the years I was addicted, I became involved with a patient in the medical office where I was working as a secretary. He seemed sincere and caring. I thought he was "the one." My addiction grew to the point where, at times, I was afraid I wouldn't wake up in the morning. I felt guilty and ashamed. I wanted to tell "Mr. Perfect," but I was afraid I'd lose him.

To feed my addiction, I resorted to forging a prescription. I was caught and arrested. Mr. Perfect assured me he understood and would be supportive. That lasted two days. When he was teased by his co-workers, who read about my arrest in the newspaper, he broke up with me.

To my surprise, the doctor I worked for and his wife were compassionate and forgiving. They got me into treatment. It saved my life.

Abby, please assure your readers who may have drug problems that it may not be easy, but they can live drug-free. They shouldn't keep their drug addiction a secret for fear of embarrassment. Prescription drugs can be as dangerous as street drugs. People must educate themselves before taking anything. Those who have never experienced addiction shouldn't look down on people who have one. Addiction can happen to anyone. –- RECOVERING IN A SMALL TOWN, U.S.A.

DEAR RECOVERING: Pain is a huge public health problem. While the medical establishment is keenly aware of the need for pain management, there is also concern about media reports of misuse of pain medications such as OxyContin.

I learned from Tom Strouse, M.D., psychiatrist and director of pain management at Cedars-Sinai Comprehensive Cancer Center in Los Angeles:

"People at greatest risk for misusing prescription pain medications tend to have a prior history of substance abuse, but they, too, deserve -– and can receive -– pain relief without reactivation of their addiction. There is scientific evidence that patients with pain problems do better when the pain is recognized and treated effectively early on in an illness.

"Although opioid pain relievers (morphine, codeine, etc.) are considered the mainstay for serious pain problems, many nonhabit-forming medications can be as effective or more effective than opioids for particular kinds of pain, such as nerve, bone and soft tissue pains. There are also a host of proven nonmedication techniques, including physical therapies, chiropractic, massage and acupuncture, hypnosis, relaxation and other psychological treatments."

Finding pain management experts and communicating openly and honestly with them is the crucial strategy. For information on services available locally, consult the American Pain Society at www.ampainsoc.org or the American Alliance of Cancer Pain Initiatives at www.aacpi.org.

CONFIDENTIAL TO "THE MIDDLE-SCHOOL MISFIT": Don't lose hope. The great entertainer Bette Midler also felt she was a misfit when she was a child. Fortunately, she finally realized that being different wasn't the problem she thought it was. As she put it: "I didn't belong as a kid and that always bothered me. If only I'd known that one day my differences would be an asset, then my early life would have been much easier."

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My 9-year-old grandson, "Grant," is in deep trouble. I must find a way to help him. Two years ago he had to take on a menopausal, reclusive stepmom. Of course, these poor children from broken homes don't get to vote their fate; they must accept whatever is thrust upon them.

Stepmom has turned Grant's downstairs playroom into a master bedroom and entertainment center. She watches TV down there with my former son-in-law (Grant's father).

Grant is not allowed to go down there unless he receives special permission. He spends most of his time alone in his upstairs bedroom playing his boom box or watching TV in the living room.

Recently, telephone privileges were cut off between Grant and me. Grant's father candidly told me that my not calling makes his home happier for his "recluse." I am sure he will cut off my visits if I try to help Grant.

Abby, I don't know what to do. Is there any way I can help him? -- HURTING INSIDE

DEAR HURTING: Don't do anything to threaten your visits with your grandson. He needs you. You must become his loving, safe harbor. See him as often as you can. Help him to express his feelings. Let him know he can tell you anything, and you will not be judgmental or get angry.

Do things a 9-year-old boy will enjoy so he can bond closely and experience some happiness with you. Let him know he can count on you when things seem the darkest.

If his father and stepmother do cut off your visits, then call ChildHelp USA (1-800-422-4453) for expert advice on this sad case of emotional child abuse.

DEAR ABBY: I hope you can stand one more letter about funerals. I read your "eulogy" articles on July 31. It was the day after my husband was buried.

My darling wore a red Hawaiian shirt and sunglasses. I included photographs, a back-scratcher, money clip, blue rose and a 1-inch-tall bear, a white rosary and a toy skunk that sang, "How Sweet It Is to Be Loved by You." I wrote the eulogy and took lots of pictures. I had an open casket at the graveside service. An American flag draped the silver metal casket.

His family was horrified that I buried their family member in this manner. I had only known him 8 1/2 years and they knew him a lifetime.

I kissed him "bye" and let the skunk do its thing while I left. I had the funeral director give the flag to my husband's sister instead of to me.

Everyone should do what they feel is right in their heart, not what people tell them is right.

I sleep peacefully every night because I buried my friend, my husband, my lover in a manner he would have been proud of. -- SAD IN LAKE CITY, FLA.

DEAR SAD: A-A-A-men! (I'll bet he's glad you packed only the essentials.)

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing in response to "Out-of-Work Mom," who was disturbed because she was rejected by potential employers when they noticed her pierced tongue and multiple ear piercings.

Just as her piercings and tattoos reflect her personal style and values, a business owner's employees reflect his or hers. Like it or not, customers judge the business by the appearance and behavior of the frontline employees. It makes sense that an employer will hire those who present themselves in a way that's compatible with the image the business owner wants to project.

If she really wants to find employment that will help her provide well for herself and her daughter, "Mom" should consider leaving her individuality at home. (I wish you well, Young Mother.) -- AN OLDER MOTHER IN TEXAS

DEAR OLDER MOTHER: That letter generated a flurry of mail. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Someone should inform "Out-of-Work Mom" that many people do base their attitudes on first impressions. Is she big enough not to cop an attitude when that happens? I agree that she has every right to pierce whatever she wants -- but if she can't stand the backlash, she shouldn't blame it on others. The choice was hers. -- PREVIOUS EMPLOYER IN MICH.

DEAR PREVIOUS EMPLOYER: I agree. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: As a job interviewer, if that young woman walked into my office with a tongue ring, the interview would be over. Not because I think a tongue ring is freaky, but because I think it is inappropriate for a job interview -- as are shorts, jeans, transparent clothing, T-shirts and visible underwear.

Experience has shown me that every time we have made allowances for an applicant's odd behavior in a job interview, we have gone on to have performance problems with that employee. -- SERIOUS INTERVIEWER, SILVER SPRING, MD.

DEAR INTERVIEWER: In fairness, not all employers are as rigid in their thinking as you. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Your response to "Out-of-Work" was a little outdated. I am a newspaper reporter with a pierced tongue. Like several other professionals here, I wear my piercings to work.

Fortunately, my employers looked at my skills and professionalism, not at the metal stud in my tongue -- which I wore to my interview and was hired anyway. Wish "Out-of-Work" luck for me. -- PIERCED BUT PROFESSIONAL IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR PIERCED PROFESSIONAL: You are not the only pierced professional who piped up. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Tell that young woman to take heart. I am the administrative assistant to the Canadian president of a large U.S.-based company, and I have had my tongue pierced for almost a year now. My boss wasn't aware my tongue was pierced until I told him one day, three months after I was hired.

Times are changing, and "conservative" companies must get with it or they'll miss out on some talented employees over a couple of little pieces of jewelry. -- MOM IN TORONTO, CANADA

DEAR MOM: You could be right -- but judging from the mail I received from the business world, you are fortunate to have a very liberal employer. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: When I was barely 18, I, too, got a tattoo. For my 40th birthday, I treated myself to a full physical. When the doctor saw my tattoo, she asked how old it was and had I ever had a hepatitis test. Well, I tested positive for antibodies to Hep-B. My doctor assured me that it wasn't a death sentence, but advised that I never donate blood. It's a shame, because with my blood type, I would have been a universal donor.

My message to young people: Get vaccinated and keep your tattoos and piercings in perspective, or to yourselves. -- TATTOOED INTERVIEWER IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR TATTOOED: Good advice. I hope that those who need it will "get the point."

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)