DEAR ABBY: I am a happily married woman with two beautiful children and a terrific husband. When I was younger, my parents would not allow me to date until I was 18. Even when I turned 18, I still wasn't allowed to date. So I devised a plan. I would lie to my parents and sneak around. My boyfriend at the time -- now my husband of 10 years -- has two sisters. I asked one of them to help me to see my boyfriend. My parents always thought she was just a friend. To this day, my parents still don't know my husband has two sisters. They think he has only one.

I can't believe I have let this lie drag on for so long. I was young and foolish. I need to let them know because eventually it's going to come out.

My parents live out of state, so when I call them and tell them, maybe it won't be so bad. Can you suggest a better way to tell them? Now that I'm older I realize my parents were just trying to protect us and keep us out of trouble. If only I could wipe away this lie.

Please advise me. -- GUILTY IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR GUILTY: First of all, please stop feeling guilty. Dating is one of the ways that young people mature socially. Most teen-agers in this country start dating by the time they are 16. There were valid reasons for your acting the way you did. You were fortunate that the first boy you dated turned out to be a terrific husband. Your choice certainly wasn't based on experience.

The next time you speak with your parents, ask when they plan to visit. Then tell them you have a surprise for them -- they're going to meet a new member of the family. Their introduction should be made face-to-face. You are all adults now. You should no longer need your parents' permission or approval. (Frankly, I think they owe you an apology for putting you in the position they did.)

DEAR ABBY: You printed a letter from "Happy Granny in Waldo, Fla." about when to talk to children about sex. You said it reminded you of a story: Seven-year-old Tommy asked his mother where he came from. She gave him "the lecture," to which he responded, "Oh. My friend Jimmy said he came from St. Louis."

My son's father died when he was 2, so I was left to deal with the mountain of never-ending questions. Beating around the bush was unacceptable to my son. When he was 6, he asked how the baby had gotten into the stomach of a woman at church. I explained about planting seeds and flowers growing. He then proceeded to ask how the seed got planted, who planted it, and what part the daddy played in this. On and on -- until finally, after admonishing my son not to share this information with his younger friends, I gave him "the facts of life" lecture in as much detail as he seemed to want.

As long as I live, I will never forget his shocked, mortified expression as he lifted his little face to heaven and prayed, "Oh, God, isn't there any OTHER way?" -- HAPPY MOM IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR HAPPY MOM: From the mouths of babes. I assume he got over his shock as he grew older.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $7.90 ($9 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I have five children and am neither an overbearing nor overly protective mother. After reading Michelle Klein's code of conduct for children's sporting events, I have a few comments and suggestions for coaches.

Our youngest son is 10. He was adopted from an overseas orphanage. We took him knowing he had some physical challenges. Last year, I asked a tenderhearted baseball coach to place him on a team with younger players. He played all season and did fine.

This year, my request was disregarded. My son is now on a team with other 10-year-old boys. He is not only struggling as a player, but his self-esteem is in the cellar.

Every week, his coach prints out each player's batting average, number of doubles, triples, home runs and strike-outs. (My son averages nine strike-outs and zero runs.) After some sleepless nights, I told the coach how damaging and humiliating this is for my son. I explained again about his two eye surgeries and other disabilities.

The coach said that baseball is all about statistics, and my son's self-esteem problem was mine to deal with. He said he's been coaching for 12 years (his son is the No. 1 player), and he was not going to change. My instinct is to pull my son out of the league, but I know that would only make him feel worse.

So, Abby, this being said, I urge coaches to keep in mind these two additional suggestions for the code of conduct:

(1) Please don't have children run laps for a lack of talent. It is counterproductive for building the skill they lack. (After running laps, my son was so tired he struck out again, and had to run laps again!)

(2) Please leave your misdirected hormones, ego and military style at home and remember you are coaching children -- and this is a GAME! -- PROUD OF MY SON IN WASHINGTON

DEAR PROUD: Your son's coach is so focused on winning that he has lost sight of the fact that children's sports are supposed to teach them sportsmanship and a love of the game.

Talk to the parents of your son's teammates. It's possible that you can find allies. Together you might be able to convince the board that hired the coach to dismiss him. If that's not possible, rather than allowing your son to be humiliated, consider taking him out of baseball for a year and involving him in another activity he will enjoy and at which he can excel.

P.S. I agree with you that making a child run laps as a punishment is counterproductive. Depending on the child's health, it could also be damaging or even fatal.

DEAR ABBY: When dining out in a restaurant, where do you leave your napkin when the meal is over? I say it should be left on the table, but my cousin thinks it should be placed on the seat of your chair. Who is right? -- CLUELESS COUSINS

DEAR COUSINS: When the meal is finished, your napkin should be placed to the left of the place setting, unfolded. However, if you need to leave the table during the meal, leave your napkin on your chair and push the chair in, close to the table.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am writing because I have no one else who will give me advice. I am a freshman in high school and have never really been interested in playing sports. I am on the speech team, math club and newspaper staff.

My parents feel that I have to play a sport. They have paid for lessons in dance and tennis, but I really have no interest in playing. I even tried to make the dance team to please them, but I didn't make it. They just don't seem to understand that I don't like sports. Today I had my tennis lesson and played really bad. I tried, but I must have had an off day.

When I got in the car, my parents chewed me out. They said I was lazy, and I was going to play a sport whether I liked it or not. I like to play tennis occasionally, but I'm not in love with it.

Can you help me get the message across to them that I don't want to play sports, nor do I like them? Please help! -- ELLEN IN FRANKLIN, TENN.

DEAR ELLEN: You have my sympathy. I took tennis lessons for seven months straight. At the end of that time the only person I could rally with was my instructor because no matter where I hit the ball, he could manage to get it back to me. No one else was so generous. So the answer to the question, "Tennis, anyone?" is, "Perhaps. But not EVERYone."

Your parents may be trying to teach you the importance of being physically fit as well as intellectually active. Exercise relieves stress, tones muscles and burns calories, to mention only a few of the plusses. A compromise may be in order. Rather than taking tennis lessons, ask them if you can join a gym and agree to go there three or four times a week for cardiovascular exercise and some weight-training with professional supervision. You'll be learning health habits that will last a lifetime -- and it will get you off your rusty-dusty.

DEAR ABBY: Your letters about putting cash or checks in sympathy cards remind me of the one and only time I was the recipient of such a gift. In 1966, my first husband, Barry, committed suicide, leaving me a widow at age 26. We were living in Los Angeles. Barry worked for a mail courier service and got to know an African-American gentleman who was a supervisor at the post office. He and his wife became our friends, and it was they who tucked a few bills in their sympathy card. It made me wonder if they came from a wiser and more generous culture than I did.

I will always remember Ben and Claire Gibson for their precious gift of friendship and the opportunity to get to know their friends and family. Thanks to that beginning, I have been open to and able to form other such precious friendships. I've lost contact with them, but if they are still on this Earth, I hope they will read this. You may print my name. -– JOCELYN KEENAN HOWELLS, PORTLAND, ORE.

DEAR JOCELYN: You're right. The gift of their friendship was more valuable and long-lasting than the money. I, too, hope they read your letter.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)