DEAR ABBY: Several years ago, you asked readers who had been diagnosed with schizophrenia to write and describe their experiences with the mental health system for the Group for Advancement of Psychiatry. We received hundreds of candid, thoughtful and provocative letters, and while their treatment and reactions were diverse, many shared similar experiences.

They described their struggle with a terrible and frightening illness and the importance of their own inner strengths, as well as support from mental health professionals, family, friends, religion and work. What was vital was feeling cared-for, respected and listened-to by a knowledgeable doctor (or other professional), who would stick with them over the long haul.

Many readers complained that their care was hindered by insurance limitations, restrictive agency policies and insensitive or unskilled clinicians.

There were many inspirational letters about lifesaving care, yet we physicians were appalled by how often treatment was perceived as impersonal, fragmented and dehumanizing. Without social, personal, residential and vocational supports, medications rarely helped. However, we were touched and impressed that so many of your readers were resourceful in overcoming the limitations of their illnesses.

Stigma and prejudice from medical professionals, institutions and the general public were additional obstacles to recovery. Dozens of letters contained painful stories saying that being regarded as mentally ill slowed the person's progress. It is essential that people with mental illness be seen as capable human beings, who are much more than the illnesses with which they struggle.

Reading the letters was enlightening. In response, we have written a report, "Now That We Are Listening," summarizing important issues in treating schizophrenia and providing excerpts of some of the letters. The report is free to your readers.

Thank you for helping us and other psychiatrists to understand how our patients feel about their care. -– THE COMMITTEE ON PSYCHIATRY AND THE COMMUNITY GROUP FOR ADVANCEMENT OF PSYCHIARTY

DEAR COMMITTEE MEMBERS AND DEAR READERS: A great many medical consumers would love the chance to air their feelings about how they have been treated by "the system." Thank YOU for allowing my readers to level with you. I had the opportunity to review many of the letters readers sent to assist your study. While it came as no surprise that patients were willing to tell me things they wouldn't ordinarily tell their doctors, I was struck by their frankness.

Those interested in obtaining a copy of the booklet, "Now That We Are Listening," may do so by sending name and address to: McKassen, Attn: Maria Harryn, 800 Business Center Drive, Suite 100, Horsham, PA 19044. Be sure to include the title of the booklet with your request.

DEAR ABBY: I'm sending an original to add to your "you know you're getting older when ..." collection. It came to mind when I read about applications being submitted to have the Coliseum in Memphis and a local bridge spanning the Mississippi River, added to the register:

"You know you're getting old when a structure built during your lifetime is added to the National Registry of Historic Places." -– ELMER L. RAY, MARION, ARK.

DEAR ELMER: Your contribution is a hoot. I'm guessing many of our friends and neighbors will squirm each year when new additions to the Registry are announced. Your definition fits more of us than many would like to admit.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $7.90 ($9 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: My lover, "Jim," and I are gay and have been together for more than 10 years. Jim is deeply involved with Republican politics. He belongs to several local and state-wide Republican organizations.

When Jim and I go out together, sometimes people approach Jim and say, "Hi." They are usually acquaintances he knows from his political activities. Although I stand right next to Jim, he never introduces me. When this first started happening, I would stand there and smile at the person. They'd usually give me a "Why are you listening to a private conversation?" look, so I would step aside and pretend to be doing something else.

Jim's excuse is always the same: "I would have introduced you, but I forgot (his or her) name."

This evening was the last straw. A woman came up to Jim while we were shopping. They started to chat and I was ignored again. I was so hurt and angry I walked out of the store and sat in the car. When Jim came outside he gave me the same "I forgot her name" excuse. Jim could see I was angry, so he changed his story and I caught him in a lie. Then he said he intended to introduce me, but I'd left the store before he had a chance. During the drive home, he told me several times that he really does love me.

Abby, Jim may love me, but I don't think he respects me. I'm seriously considering ending our relationship. Do you think I'm being too sensitive? -- "JULES" IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR JULES: You are not too sensitive; you may have been too tolerant. Your love is afraid he will lose his status among his political cronies by admitting that you are a couple, so he's being dishonest -- with them, with you and himself. How sad for all concerned.

DEAR ABBY: I am an athletic 71-year-old lady. I golf, snow ski and scuba dive. My new husband (No. 4), "Geoffrey," is involved in all those sports. When I met him 14 years ago I decided to take up these activities because I didn't want to sit at home while he played.

Geoff retired last year after 50 years as a physician in family practice. We immediately sold our home and moved to the beach. We have always enjoyed a loving relationship and since his retirement have been inseparable -- until I had surgery on my elbow for a problem caused by playing too much golf, which is Geoff's passion.

While my elbow is healing, I'm out of commission, so Geoff joined a private course. He chooses to play with other women, as that is how most tournaments are set up. Geoff is turning 81 this year, but looks and acts much younger. Abby, he's a big flirt, and talks to women constantly.

I am very depressed about not playing right alongside him, and I'm beginning to feel completely excluded. How should I handle this? Do I let him do as he wishes? (By the way, he's also been married four times.) Thanks for any guidance you can give me. -- ON THE SIDELINES IN VERO BEACH, FLA.

DEAR ON THE SIDELINES: Don't try to curtail your husband's activities because you are unable to participate. Become his biggest fan -- sit in his golf cart or in the gallery and cheer him on as he swings with the ladies! He'll love the attention, and it may make it more difficult for the women to score.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Why do men and women of the clergy expect to be paid for performing wedding and funeral services for members of their churches? My mother informed me today that the preacher at my grandmother's funeral will be paid $100, and the man who sings will receive the same.

Both of these men had known my grandmother for 20 years. Neither one will be inconvenienced in the least to attend her funeral.

I thought being a church member entitled one to at least a few kind words said about them without the family having to scrape up more money. I would never dream of charging for saying a few words about someone I claim to have known and loved. It would be an honor and a privilege to deliver a eulogy at the funeral.

What do you think? -- NO PRICE ON FRIENDSHIP

DEAR NO PRICE: I agree it is both an honor and a privilege to be asked to participate. However, when the clergyperson or musicians render professional services, they should be compensated.

That said, nowhere is it carved in stone that a clergyperson must officiate. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law died after an excruciating nine-year illness. It left my husband emotionally exhausted. He had always planned for his uncle to officiate at her funeral. Unfortunately, the uncle preceded her in death. We felt strongly about not wanting a stranger to perform the service.

I'll never fully understand why I offered to conduct my mother-in-law's funeral myself -- but I did. I have no professional background as a public speaker or a minister.

When I told our daughter, she fully supported my decision and asked to help. We had little time for planning, but on the plane from her home in Washington to Florida, she jotted down ideas for a division of responsibilities, including music.

Our ideas paralleled amazingly in a situation neither of us was personally prepared for. We were apprehensive about what the more conservative family members would think, as well as our emotional ability to perform this function. We were determined to do what would please and comfort our husband and father most.

To our great relief, our efforts were fully supported by all who came. To know her cherished granddaughter and other relatives participated in her unique and personal service would have pleased Grandma beyond words.

Abby, I've learned we are limited only by our perception of our abilities. -- A FLORIDA FAMILY

DEAR FLORIDA FAMILY: How true. I hope your letter will inspire others to follow their hearts.

DEAR ABBY: A reader who signed herself "Mom's Daughter, Rockwell, Texas" agreed with your response that when it comes to funeral attire, it's not about what people wear; it's what's in their hearts that counts.

Her letter made me recall these words from "The Little Prince," by the late Antoine de Saint-Exupery: "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye." -- ARTHUR M. PRINCE, Ph.D., MEMPHIS, TENN.

DEAR ARTHUR: He was right. That's one of the reasons why "The Little Prince" is a little classic.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)