DEAR ABBY: Over the years, you have recommended to readers that they clip one of your columns and show it to a particular person who may need to be made aware of some character flaw.

May I ask that you recommend to your readers that they not send these columns anonymously?

A dear friend of mine received a column of yours by mail with no return address or postmark. My friend was very hurt because she didn't feel the column applied to her -- and after having read it, I agree with her.

After receiving that column, she has missed at least one social event because she was afraid of offending someone. It is very sad.

I understand that in some circumstances, someone might think an anonymous note is in order, but I urge your readers to stop and think before sending one. The recipient is placed in the awkward position of knowing that someone she knows is annoyed with her, but doesn't know who. -- SCARLETT IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR SCARLETT: When I tell people to "clip this column and share it" with someone, what I have in mind is a face-to-face conversation -- using the column as a tactful way of showing that the breach of etiquette is common. For someone to send it anonymously is cowardly, unkind and cruel. For shame.

DEAR ABBY: I got chills when I read the letter from Dave Brown about how he found a brand-new 2001 penny in his car.

That very day I, too, found a brand-new shiny 2001 penny in my truck. I thought of my dad the instant I saw it. He has been gone more than 12 years. I still have it; I carry it in my wallet. -- B.D., ORANGE, CALIF.

DEAR B.D.: I'm glad the discovery of a penny makes "cents" to you. Since you find it comforting -- that's terrific. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I loved the stories about the pennies from heaven. To my chagrin, my late husband would pick up any and all loose change he found on the ground, proclaiming himself to someday be rich because of what others threw away. Even if it was just one penny he would stop, bend over and pick it up. He has been gone just over a year, and whenever I saw a coin on the ground I would think of him and be a bit sad.

No more! After reading your interpretation of what these coins could mean, I smile each and every time I see a shiny penny. Thank you, Abby, for taking a sad memory and turning it into a happy one. -- RICHER BECAUSE OF PENNIES FROM HEAVEN

DEAR RICHER: You're welcome. The "pennies from heaven" letters were a subject that many people have taken to heart and commented upon. I catch myself singing "... and if it keeps on thundering, don't run under a tree, there'll be pennies from heaven for you and for me" in the mornings when I'm taking my shower. (The acoustics are great in there.) Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Recent letters in your column about the symbolism of finding pennies prompt my own.

I am 74 years old. Every time I see a penny on the ground I bend down to pick it up and say to myself, "99 more bends and I'll have a buck!" -- OL' MAN TOM IN LONG ISLAND, N.Y.

DEAR OL' MAN TOM: You are indeed penny-wise. However, if you crouch down to pick up a dollar's worth of pennies, you won't have to spend them on medication to relieve the pain in your lower back you'll get from bending.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $7.90 ($9 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: Last year, our family went through the most traumatic experience of our lives: We left the church we'd been attending for more than a decade.

I always suspected our church was a little "unusual," but because I saw what appeared to be positive changes in people's lives, I kept telling myself we couldn't possibly be involved in a "cult."

My family and I were led to believe we were members of a "special" group -- that we had a "different" calling than other churches, which was why we had to work harder and sacrifice more than the average Christian. We were ordered to terminate any activity or relationship that pulled us away from our church obligations or planted seeds of doubt in our minds.

Finally, things got so weird my husband and I could ignore it no longer. We informed the pastor we would not be coming back. He said if we did, we would become "shipwrecked" -- doomed to divorce, and our kids would not serve God when they grew up. Then two church leaders called to beg us not to "leave the fold."

By the grace of God, we escaped. I suffered nightmares, depression and total mistrust of any other church for a long time after that. We, who were once part of the trusted few, the "elite inner circle," were now the enemy. We lost all our friends. We had known some of them more than 10 years. Although they claimed to love us, they were forced to cut us off -- the same thing we had done to those who had left before us.

Please print my letter as a wake-up call to let people know that scare tactics, manipulation and mind control techniques are very much alive. They are not just reserved for "cults," but are used by some churches. It's called "spiritual abuse," and it's as real as any other form of abuse. Books on the subject can be found at local bookstores and public libraries.

Thankfully, we now belong to a church that does not control our lives, does not shame us when we ask questions, does not resort to belittling and name-calling, and does not blame us for their failures. Instead, our church serves as a positive symbol and source of strength.

If people have doubts about an organization or church to which they belong, they should check it out. If it's a legitimate organization, it will stand up to scrutiny. Please, Abby, urge your readers not to ignore their conscience or bury their feelings. If someone feels something is wrong, there's a good chance it is. Sign me ... FREE AT LAST

DEAR FREE: You are 100 percent right in saying that if something feels uncomfortable, it's time to examine it more closely and do something about it. It's not a sin; it's healthy, mature behavior. Anything that requires all your time and money is depriving you of a balanced life.

DEAR ABBY: I know the world reads your column. I'd be so grateful if you would print my letter.

Why is it that when a person becomes a senior citizen, cashiers, hairdressers, everyone starts calling us "Sweetie," "Hon," "Honey," "Sweetheart" -- one even called me "Kitten"! It really upsets me and other seniors.

Is this something that comes with age, and is there something I could say to them? -- OHIO GRANNY

DEAR GRANNY: The names are intended as terms of endearment. They are far nicer than some of the names people are being called today. However, since you find the designations demeaning, inform these well-meaning people that you prefer to be addressed by your name only.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I hope you'll print this and stop an urban legend in its tracks.

A year ago, my husband was handed a copy of a petition at work to sign and pass along. This petition was to stop Madalyn Murray O'Hair. She, as head of an atheist group, was filing a petition to the FCC to stop all religious programming from being aired on television and radio.

Needless to say, I was outraged! And why not? I am a mother and a loyal American who believes wholeheartedly in religious freedom and freedom of the press. I immediately logged on to the Internet and e-mailed this petition to everyone in my address book. Then I made photocopies and mailed them to friends and family who weren't online. I jumped in with both feet to stop Madalyn Murray O'Hair and her group from destroying all that Christians and Americans hold dear.

The only thing I didn't do (at least at first) was check the facts. Had I done so, I would have saved myself a lot of money and time.

The reality is that this petition is just one in a number of urban legends being spread today. Until I typed the name "Madalyn Murray O'Hair" into my search engine, I had no idea that I was not working to stop an atheist from taking away our freedoms, but was instead perpetuating a myth.

Spreading rumors may seem harmless, but it's not. It can cost everyone involved a good chunk of change when you add up the cost of postage, photocopying, stationery and envelopes. It also fuels ignorance and wastes time. The FCC actually had to hire people to handle the flood of mail on this subject.

Abby, I have been sent this petition five times in one year. Can you believe that? Please inform your readers that forwarding e-mail or "snail mail" -- or signing petitions without checking the facts -- is senseless and irresponsible. These "legends" feed on the blind faith of the readers. They rely on the tendency we have to follow our impulses. We should always do our homework before passing anything on, and especially before signing anything. It could save a load of trouble down the line. -- TRUTH OR CONSEQUENCES, JOHNSON CITY, TENN.

DEAR T OR C: Amen! I'm praying others will heed your message, because urban legends take on a life of their own if they go unchecked. (The one you mentioned has been around since 1974.)

P.S. Madalyn Murray O'Hair has been dead for over half a decade now. It's time we let her rest in peace.

DEAR ABBY: Here's another nervy "Can you top this?" letter: A well-to-do friend of mine insisted on giving me a retirement party, even though I protested.

The gathering was held at a small local yacht club. When my husband arrived with his camera, the hostess told him to be sure to snap a picture when she presented me with the money tree. Champagne was served. Everyone had a lovely time.

On the way home, I remembered that my friend had not presented me with the money tree. When I wrote her a nice thank-you, I ended by asking what happened to it.

Three weeks later on a piece of business correspondence, she added a line on the bottom that said, "The party cost more than anticipated, so the money tree was used to cover expenses." Needless to say, I am no longer in contact with my "tacky" friend. -- CARLSBAD, CALIF., RETIREE

DEAR CARLSBAD: Your letter is a first. Congratulations! I'm speechless.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)