DEAR ABBY: Summertime is here. That means about 17 million boats are hitting the water. Boating is a terrific family activity. It promotes bonding among generations, teaches kids independence and resourcefulness, and for many becomes an activity that can be enjoyed for a lifetime. It is also one of the fastest-growing outdoor recreations in America.

The National Marine Manufacturers Association (NMMA) represents 80 percent of the recreational boat manufacturers in North America. While new safety advancements are continuously being developed within the industry, nothing can replace common sense and good judgment on the part of boaters. Just as you wouldn't get behind the wheel of a car without driver's education, no one should take the helm of a boat without boating education.

I hope you find these safety guidelines important and share them with your readers:

BOAT OWNERS:

(1) Make sure your boat is in good running condition -- including fuel, electrical and engine systems.

(2) Check the weather forecast before you head out.

(3) Know and watch your boat's passenger capacity.

(4) Maintain enough life jackets and personal flotation devices (and the right sizes) for everyone on board. Make sure everyone wears them.

(5) Understand and follow federal and local boating rules and regulations. (The U.S. Coast Guard offers refresher courses.)

(6) Don't drink and drive, and don't allow anyone who has been drinking to drive your boat.

(7) Be courteous of other boats and personal watercraft.

PASSENGERS:

(1) Wear a life jacket that fits properly and make sure your children do, too.

(2) Listen to and respect the captain of the boat.

(3) Do not distract the driver or allow your children to do so.

(4) Do not insist that boat owners let you drive -- especially if you have been drinking.

Boating is safer every year, and we look forward to an even safer boating season this year. Anchors aweigh! -- THOM DAMMRICH, PRESIDENT, NMMA

DEAR THOM: Your safety guidelines are important and should be taken to heart by anyone who owns a boat or sets foot on one. Readers, that was the captain speaking -- listen up!

DEAR ABBY: I witnessed a theft and told a teacher, who promptly informed the cops. I feel terrible about it -- like I've betrayed the friend who did it. What should I do? -- WONDERING IN FLORIDA

DEAR WONDERING: First, forgive yourself. You did the right thing. While your friend may not appreciate it right now, you may have saved that person from a life of crime. Birds of a feather flock together, so the second thing you should do is find another friend who's less troubled than the first.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in a two-booklet set. To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $7.90 per set ($9 per set in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband (I'll call him Rod) has asked me to solicit your opinion about a touchy family problem. Here goes:

My sister-in-law, "Sandy," moved to New York to get away from a difficult lesbian relationship. She is now involved with another woman. They have been together for about a year.

Sandy has asked Rod -- her only brother -- for a huge favor. She wants him to be a sperm donor for her new partner because they want a child with "family genes." I oppose the idea, to put it mildly.

Abby, Sandy has a history of instability. Most of her relationships are short-lived, and I don't believe this one will last either. Sandy told Rod not to discuss the matter with me, but of course he did. He feels trapped. This drama has been going on since March. She's demanding an answer by the end of July. Please help. -- DESPERATE FOR DIRECTION

DEAR DESPERATE: Should the relationship between your sister-in-law and her partner fall apart, your husband would worry about the child's well-being.

Since you and Rod are both uncomfortable with the idea of his being a sperm donor, he should "just say no" to increasing the family gene pool.

DEAR ABBY: May I offer a new clause to the "Safety Contract for a New Driver" that appeared in your column? It would read: "I promise not to use a cellular phone while driving."

As I write this, my granddaughter is in bed recovering from an automobile accident that occurred because she was on the car phone with her boyfriend. To prevent such a thing from happening again, a law to stop people from talking on the phone while driving can't come soon enough.

I used to be in outside sales and carried a cellular phone in my car for business. However, when I used it, I always pulled over to the side of the road so I could give my customer my undivided attention. People who think they can drive and talk on the phone at the same time are only kidding themselves. They'd be shocked if they could follow themselves on the road and see how much they are NOT paying attention. -- TWO HANDS ON THE WHEEL

DEAR TWO HANDS: I agree. But the mobile phone lobby is very powerful, and until our legislators realize they are facing an alarmed and angry voting bloc if they don't pass laws prohibiting drivers on cell phones, nothing will change.

DEAR ABBY: Like "Cathy in Coral Gables, Fla.," I am 15 and having my first serious relationship with a boyfriend. I'll call him "Lamar." I used to call Lamar at least 10 times a day and go to his house every day. Like "Cathy," I finally got the impression that his family didn't want me calling that many times or visiting every day. So, do you know what I did, Abby? I cut back. I now call Lamar only five times a day and visit every other day.

Ever since I cut back, Lamar and I have grown closer. Now I am not only in love with him, but I'm in love with his whole family -- and I think they love me, too. -- CUT BACK IN MISSOURI

DEAR CUT BACK: Smart girl. Now, consider how much they'll love you if you call only three times a day -- and drop by no more than twice a week. They may even adopt you!

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 19 and have been in a relationship with "Joe" for several years. His mother, "Roxie," is pushy and manipulative. I've seen her blow things out of proportion with other people.

Last night, thinking we had privacy, Joe and I talked about getting married. We were only bringing the subject up –- we have no intention of marrying right now.

Today at work, Roxie called me and said she "overheard" Joe and me talking, and already had someone lined up to bake the wedding cake. She also knows the "perfect place" for our wedding reception –- and she wants me to wear her wedding dress from 35 years ago. I was so shocked, all I could say was, "I'll talk it over with Joe."

Abby, how can I stop her from butting into our lives without starting a conflict? -– WHAT TO SAY IN SAN ANTONIO

DEAR WHAT TO SAY: You and Joe should thank his mother for her generosity and tell her that it was only a preliminary conversation, and that no wedding is yet being planned. Assure her that if things change, she'll be the first to know.

P.S. Instead of feeling defensive, you should be flattered. Her positive reaction indicates how much she approves of you.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 17-year-old girl who is terrified of going back to public school because of the fear of getting shot. I recently heard on the news that the number of school shootings will increase.

I am being forced to make a decision about going back to public school or staying in home-school. Please help me make the right decision. Your opinion means a lot to me. -- TERRIFIED TEEN, SACRAMENTO, CALIF.

DEAR TERRIFIED TEEN: The problem with fear is that, unchecked, it feeds upon itself and magnifies. While the school shootings of the last few years have received much media attention, the truth is that the vast majority of students in attendance are teens just like yourself -– sane, studious and functional.

You will become completely housebound if you withdraw from society because you are afraid of some lunatic with a gun, because shootings also occur in markets, post offices, banks and on residential streets. Far better to face your fears by talking them out with a professional counselor than to remain in home-school because of a fear of being shot. Please don't wait.

DEAR ABBY: I have two wonderful children. I have been divorced from their father for several years. His current wife –- who is expecting their second child -– is the woman he had an affair with who broke up our marriage.

My problem is whenever I pick up or drop off the kids for visitation, my ex continues to make passes at me. I don't want his new wife to find out because I'm afraid it will cause friction and create more negative impact on my kids. I tell him to stop, but he is still a groping pig. How can I get him to quit? – PINCHED IN POMONA

DEAR PINCHED: Your ex acts like he's convinced he's irresistible. You could remind him that when the two of you were divorced, he lost any right he ever had to touch you –- but I doubt it will dissuade him. A more effective method of self-defense would be to stay out of arm's reach. (Example: inside the car with the windows more than halfway up.)

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)