DEAR ABBY: More than a year ago, my daughter's boyfriend was thrown out of his parents' house. My husband and I opened our home to him because we felt sorry for him. The deal was, he could stay with us until he got on his own feet.

The problem is, he's still here, and we now have a grandchild from him. He barely supports the baby, let alone himself, and I have reason to believe he is cheating on my daughter. He has even put the moves on me. (They were halted promptly.) We have kicked him out several times, but he keeps returning.

How can I open my daughter's eyes to this person? No matter what I or her friends say, she still loves him and believes in him. –- UPSET MOM IN MINNESOTA

DEAR MOM: It's time for the gravy train to stop and your daughter's boyfriend to disembark until he can provide a home and support for your daughter and the baby. You are doing no one a favor by allowing him to continue to be a parasite.

Explain to your daughter that until this man gets settled, it would be better for the baby -– and her -– to remain with you. Common sense tells me that could be a long, long time. She should also prepare herself to support her child, because the father is showing all the signs of being a deadbeat dad. Then pray that while concentrating on the practicalities of life, she will grow up and realize that the responsibility for her and her child's future rests entirely on her shoulders.

As much as you love your daughter, you can protect her from reality no longer. I anticipate a bumpy ride ahead and wish you luck.

DEAR ABBY: In your reply to "Still Laughing in Short Hills, N.J.," you said, "Perhaps those who think of a wedding as a fund-raiser should consider charging admission. (Only kidding!)."

Well, that's exactly what my husband and I did. Our wedding took place at a historical ranch that was being restored. It was held in conjunction with an annual event hosted in part by our local historical society. While it was in the planning stages, it was suggested that we be married at the ranch in period clothing. The catch was that our wedding would be considered the "entertainment" for that day, and anyone who attended the event would be welcome to witness the marriage ceremony and have cake. The entrance fee/donation was $1.

We sent 50 invitations to family and friends, and everyone came. The event made money (some of our friends donated more than the $1 entrance fee), and our wedding was held in beautiful surroundings with loving friends. Everyone had a great time. It was a win-win situation. It's still the talk of the town five years later.

So, you see, you can have a tasteful wedding/fund-raiser -– if it's done right. -– HAPPILY MARRIED, RIO LINDA, CALIF.

DEAR HAPPILY MARRIED: So I see. However, if it's done "wrong," it can appear to be a fund-raiser for the bride and groom -– who should be self-supporting -– and not for such a worthy cause.

DEAR ABBY: I read with interest the letters about pennies, but I have always wondered, if someone says, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put in your "2 cents worth," where does the other penny go? –- TOM W., MILWAUKEE

DEAR TOM W: The other penny covers the rate of inflation since that saying was "coined."

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been criticized because "Dennis," my live-in boyfriend, is strict with my two children, who are 8 and 9.

They are supposed to straighten the quilts on their beds before leaving for school. The other day, they forgot. So Dennis tore their beds apart. He dumped everything on the floor so they would have to totally remake their beds. My mother says this is cruelty. What do you think? -- DIVORCED MOM IN ILLINOIS

DEAR DIVORCED MOM: I agree with your mother. It is your home. You should administer discipline to your children, not your current live-in boyfriend. If there's any more "dumping" to be done, consider dumping him to ensure there will be no more emotional abuse of your children.

DEAR ABBY: I recently got back together with my ex. We only broke up for a month. We had been dating for close to two years before the split. We're doing great now, but I'm starting to have some problems.

Whenever he wants to spend time with his friends, I freak out and start crying. I don't know why I do this. I know he needs some time with the guys, but I always seem to flip out over it. It's not like I think he's doing something he's not supposed to. I just want him around constantly, and it hurts my feelings when he takes off to be with the boys. I have always had a problem with this, and I don't know why. Other than that, we have a great relationship. Any ideas? -- NEEDY IN MILWAUKIE, ORE.

DEAR NEEDY: Your boyfriend must care for you very much to tolerate your clinginess and crying jags as well as he has. Whatever the cause, you could benefit greatly from counseling to get to the root of them. I urge you to resolve this, because if you don't, your insecurity and neediness will drive your boyfriend –- and any other man who replaces him –- away.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been invited to a formal, "white-tie" reception and sit-down dinner. I have finally found the perfect gown. I'm planning on wearing long, white gloves that I've had for many years, but never had occasion to wear.

What I'm unsure about is what to do with my gloves once I get there. Can I wear jewelry over my gloves? Should they be removed for dinner? Shall I leave them off for dancing? I'm looking forward to being dressed to the nines, but don't want to overdo it. Help! -- ALL DRESSED UP IN WILMINGTON, DEL.

DEAR ALL DRESSED UP: A woman can wear a bracelet over long gloves, but rings should never be worn over gloved fingers. My fashion experts agree that gloves should be removed before sitting down at the dinner table. They can be put back on for dancing afterward.

One more tip: If a woman wearing gloves is part of a receiving line, it's proper for her to keep them on. However, any guest going down the line should have an ungloved hand to offer.

Here's hoping your formal affair is a night to remember!

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I just turned 21 and am about to graduate from college. I've been dating "Monroe," a wonderful guy who treats me like a queen. We laugh together and have a great time, and he seems to really respect me.

My family adores Monroe. So does everyone else who knows him. My problem is that I'm just not head-over-heels in love with him, and I can't figure out why.

Actually, I've been interested in another guy, "Ruben," for more than two years, but we've always been just friends. Last night I found the nerve to level with Ruben about how I feel. (He has a girlfriend, but I don't care.)

Ruben said he's always been interested in me, too, but since we're both dating other people, it's really not an option. In fact, he came right out and said he's happy with his girlfriend right now. I'm still crazy about him, but I guess that's a bad idea since he has a girlfriend.

What should I do, Abby? Stick with Monroe (Mr. Wonderful) and pray I'll fall in love with him, or wait it out for Ruben (Mr. Dream Man)? -- TOTALLY CONFUSED

DEAR CONFUSED: Monroe may be "Mr. Wonderful," but he's not the one for you. Rather than trying to force yourself to fall in love with him, the honorable thing would be to level with him so he can find a girl who can love him without reservation.

If Ruben was seriously interested in you, he wouldn't be telling you how happy he is with his girlfriend -- so don't hold your breath waiting for him to come around.

The smartest thing you could do is to get back into circulation, because you haven't met "Mr. Right" yet.

DEAR ABBY: One night I was in a hotel room and browsing through a magazine. In it was an article about Finch College for Women in New York City. The school is no longer in existence, but I believe their maxims are timeless. If you agree, perhaps you will share them with your readers. -- ABBY FAN IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR FAN: I do agree. They are thought-provoking and certainly worth sharing -- even though the Finch may have flown:

FINCH SCHOOL MAXIMS

(1) Believing in people usually brings out the best in them.

(2) There is always another side; suspend judgment.

(3) There is always a solution to every problem. Do not waste time on self-pity.

(4) Be considerate. Your actions affect others, and other people's feelings are just like your own.

(5) Be kind. Remember that other people are as intuitive as you are, and judge you just as you do them.

(6) Be sincere. In the long run everyone will find you out and judge you by your true self and not by your pretensions.

(7) Snobbishness of any kind is a sign of limitation.

(8) Remember that recreation must be to re-create for work.

(9) Remember that you must be worthy and capable of love to be able to give or to keep it.

(10) Remember that you have a soul just as you have a body and a social self. Do not starve it.

CONFIDENTIAL TO ROSE PHILLIPS IN MINNEAPOLIS: Happy birthday to our beloved matriarch -- the dearest grandmother anyone could wish for. -- JEANNE

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)