DEAR ABBY: I have been criticized because "Dennis," my live-in boyfriend, is strict with my two children, who are 8 and 9.

They are supposed to straighten the quilts on their beds before leaving for school. The other day, they forgot. So Dennis tore their beds apart. He dumped everything on the floor so they would have to totally remake their beds. My mother says this is cruelty. What do you think? -- DIVORCED MOM IN ILLINOIS

DEAR DIVORCED MOM: I agree with your mother. It is your home. You should administer discipline to your children, not your current live-in boyfriend. If there's any more "dumping" to be done, consider dumping him to ensure there will be no more emotional abuse of your children.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been invited to a formal, "white-tie" reception and sit-down dinner. I have finally found the perfect gown. I'm planning on wearing long, white gloves that I've had for many years, but never had occasion to wear.

What I'm unsure about is what to do with my gloves once I get there. Can I wear jewelry over my gloves? Should they be removed for dinner? Shall I leave them off for dancing? I'm looking forward to being dressed to the nines, but don't want to overdo it. Help! -- ALL DRESSED UP IN WILMINGTON, DEL.

DEAR ALL DRESSED UP: A woman can wear a bracelet over long gloves, but rings should never be worn over gloved fingers. My fashion experts agree that gloves should be removed before sitting down at the dinner table. They can be put back on for dancing afterward.

One more tip: If a woman wearing gloves is part of a receiving line, it's proper for her to keep them on. However, any guest going down the line should have an ungloved hand to offer.

Here's hoping your formal affair is a night to remember!

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I just turned 21 and am about to graduate from college. I've been dating "Monroe," a wonderful guy who treats me like a queen. We laugh together and have a great time, and he seems to really respect me.

My family adores Monroe. So does everyone else who knows him. My problem is that I'm just not head-over-heels in love with him, and I can't figure out why.

Actually, I've been interested in another guy, "Ruben," for more than two years, but we've always been just friends. Last night I found the nerve to level with Ruben about how I feel. (He has a girlfriend, but I don't care.)

Ruben said he's always been interested in me, too, but since we're both dating other people, it's really not an option. In fact, he came right out and said he's happy with his girlfriend right now. I'm still crazy about him, but I guess that's a bad idea since he has a girlfriend.

What should I do, Abby? Stick with Monroe (Mr. Wonderful) and pray I'll fall in love with him, or wait it out for Ruben (Mr. Dream Man)? -- TOTALLY CONFUSED

DEAR CONFUSED: Monroe may be "Mr. Wonderful," but he's not the one for you. Rather than trying to force yourself to fall in love with him, the honorable thing would be to level with him so he can find a girl who can love him without reservation.

If Ruben was seriously interested in you, he wouldn't be telling you how happy he is with his girlfriend -- so don't hold your breath waiting for him to come around.

The smartest thing you could do is to get back into circulation, because you haven't met "Mr. Right" yet.

DEAR ABBY: One night I was in a hotel room and browsing through a magazine. In it was an article about Finch College for Women in New York City. The school is no longer in existence, but I believe their maxims are timeless. If you agree, perhaps you will share them with your readers. -- ABBY FAN IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR FAN: I do agree. They are thought-provoking and certainly worth sharing -- even though the Finch may have flown:

FINCH SCHOOL MAXIMS

(1) Believing in people usually brings out the best in them.

(2) There is always another side; suspend judgment.

(3) There is always a solution to every problem. Do not waste time on self-pity.

(4) Be considerate. Your actions affect others, and other people's feelings are just like your own.

(5) Be kind. Remember that other people are as intuitive as you are, and judge you just as you do them.

(6) Be sincere. In the long run everyone will find you out and judge you by your true self and not by your pretensions.

(7) Snobbishness of any kind is a sign of limitation.

(8) Remember that recreation must be to re-create for work.

(9) Remember that you must be worthy and capable of love to be able to give or to keep it.

(10) Remember that you have a soul just as you have a body and a social self. Do not starve it.

CONFIDENTIAL TO ROSE PHILLIPS IN MINNEAPOLIS: Happy birthday to our beloved matriarch -- the dearest grandmother anyone could wish for. -- JEANNE

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married three years. We have a great relationship except for one problem: When "Chad" gets angry, he breaks things and punches holes in the walls. He eventually calms down and regains his composure, leaving broken dishes and cracked plaster.

This upsets my 9-year-old daughter. She was especially scared when Chad picked up our dog and flung him to the ground. She cried and wrote a prayer to God asking him to help her daddy.

I've told Chad he should attend anger control classes, but he says he doesn't need them. When Chad is himself, he adores my kids and they adore him. He is a far better father to my children than their natural father was.

Abby, how can I convince Chad to take the classes? I'm afraid if I push him he will walk out, leaving my kids without another father. -- WANTING PEACE AND QUIET IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR WANTING: You can't "convince" him. Your husband is the one who must realize that for the sake of his family he needs the anger control classes.

I am worried about your children's emotional health. When they see Chad violently throwing their dog to the ground, it's an implicit threat that he could do the same thing to them if they displease him. As a responsible parent, you must protect them from further intimidation. It's important that they feel secure in a safe environment.

Since Chad refuses to get help, I urge you to go to counseling yourself. It will help you to get your priorities in order and give you a more complete understanding of what you must do. Please don't wait.

DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law and close friend of 20 years died of breast cancer two months ago. "Jane" was only 43. Her husband, "Brad," seemed loving and supportive until the end. Since then, however, his behavior has changed dramatically.

Jane died on Tuesday. The following Sunday, Jane's daughter called and said Brad was getting rid of Jane's clothes and asked if we wanted any of them. The following Thursday, Brad had a vasectomy. Two weeks after that, he brought his new 25-year-old girlfriend over to "meet the family"!

Abby, in the weeks since the funeral, Brad has been out on the town doing all the things Jane could never get him to do in the 20 years they were married. He and his girlfriend dine out in nice restaurants, go to ball games, you name it.

Brad acts like he's glad to be rid of Jane and all of her things. We are all appalled by his behavior. We are still grieving over Jane's death. We will never accept this woman into our lives. We realize that life goes on, but how soon is too soon? -- BOILING MAD OVER BRAD

DEAR BOILING MAD: There is no timetable for grief when the deceased died from a lingering illness. Hold on to the fact that Brad was a loving and supportive husband to Jane until the end -- when it counted. Try to be supportive. Brad may be assuaging his depression with this rebound romance, and it may not last. Try not to judge him harshly; the truth is, nobody knows what any marriage is like behind closed doors.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)