DEAR ABBY: Yesterday was my 20th birthday. Aren't birthdays supposed to be happy occasions? Well, if you're in jail and on your way to prison like me, maybe not.

"Prisoner in Reno, Nev." thinks she's got it bad at home because her parents won't let her out much. She should remember this: There is always someone who has it worse than she has. Her parents are overprotective because they love her. Even though I'm locked up, my parents still care for me. They're worried sick.

Let me ask you this, "Prisoner" -– do your parents search you before and after you leave your room? Do they make you eat nasty food you wouldn't give your worst enemy? Do they routinely search your room? What I'm trying to say is, count your blessings.

You ended your letter by asking, "What should I do?" Well, I'm on a one-way trip down a road that leads nowhere. Now tell me, what should I do? –- INMATE ON A DEAD END

DEAR INMATE: I don't know what you did to receive a prison sentence, but it's possible that you should feel lucky to be alive.

Since you asked what you should do, I strongly suggest you follow all prison rules to the letter, do not believe everything you hear from the other inmates, and take any classes that are offered to improve yourself.

Even under these difficult circumstances, you still have control over how "happy" your future birthdays can be.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have a beautiful 3-year-old daughter I'll call Bonnie. She's the result of artificial insemination, as my husband is unable to father a child. Our little girl is our pride and joy.

We cannot decide if or how to tell Bonnie that my husband is not her biological father. Is it necessary to tell her at all, and if so, when and how? My fear is that Bonnie will reject her dad if she finds out.

I am assuming there would be no health-related need for our daughter to know, as semen donors are supposed to be screened for inherited diseases, but I guess you never

know.

My feminine intuition tells me we should tell her the truth. I know there must be a lot of parents out there who have dealt with this issue -– or will face it in the future. I would appreciate any input I can get.

Please don't use my name. Very few people know that my husband did not father our daughter. Just sign me ... FLORIDA MOM

DEAR FLORIDA MOM: My feminine intuition –- and common sense -– tells me that your daughter should be told. You stated that "very few people know the truth." When more than two people know a secret, it's usually no longer a secret. It's better that she hear it from you and your husband.

Your daughter should be told when she is old enough to understand the mechanics and all of the implications of artificial insemination –- including the pain and frustration of wanting your own child and being unable to have one.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Do you think it's inappropriate to ask an 18-year-old, part-time female employee to go to lunch with two other men? I'm 36, happily married and have a son. The other men are also happily married. One of them has two kids. It was an innocent lunch at a fast-food joint.

My female manager had a problem with it. She told all three of us never to ask her again. The girl is still in high school and works in the afternoons after class. She has worked with us for six months. She happened to work the full day when we asked her to come with us. There were no other female employees included.

I feel we did nothing wrong, but I'd like your opinion. -- WONDERING IN MOUNT LAUREL, N.J.

DEAR WONDERING: From my perspective, it was thoughtful of you to ask the young lady to lunch. However, I'm not an expert in labor law, so I consulted a prominent Los Angeles labor lawyer, Ann Kane Smith. Here's what she had to say:

"That situation is a catch-22 for both men and women. Men complain they are wrongfully accused of sexual harassment in the workplace -- and women complain they are left out of the 'old boys' network.'

"I don't have all of the facts, but the female supervisor may be maternal and overreacting. The situation will resolve itself when the girl graduates from high school and either goes off to college or joins the work force full time.

"There is nothing wrong with colleagues or co-workers of any age and either sex having lunch together, as long as everyone behaves appropriately."

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I recently celebrated our 60th wedding anniversary by hosting a catered dinner for about 100 friends. We arranged music and all that goes with such a grand occasion.

One couple arrived carrying a birthday cake and candles because the husband wanted everyone to know it was his wife's birthday. Abby, they never once spoke to us or acknowledged our occasion. They ignored us during the entire party, but the husband kept whispering to the caterer.

While we were waiting for dessert to be served, he lit the candles on the birthday cake and began serving it to guests seated nearby. Then I saw him again talking to the caterer. He said, "If you won't, then I will!" With that, he went to the musicians, stopped the music, and asked everyone to sing "Happy Birthday" to his wife.

At the end of the evening, the husband came over with a slice of leftover cake thrown on a plate and said, "Whoever wants to eat it can." With that, they left.

I was told the wife had a gift for us and would bring it to our home the next day. It's been six months, and we still haven't seen or heard from them.

Many of our guests felt they were rude. We feel we were badly treated. What do you think? -- PUZZLED IN FLORIDA

DEAR PUZZLED: I, too, think you were used. By bringing a birthday cake to your celebration and distracting attention from you and your husband without permission, in a sense they hijacked your party. It took a lot of gall. I wouldn't blame you if you crossed them off your guest list permanently.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: You are a champion of the unsung hero, and I would like to bring to your attention the wonderful people who work the crisis telephone lines. Those selfless men and women provide an ear to those who think no one is listening, a word of praise to depressed callers, or sometimes just a shoulder to cry on. They give of their own time to listen without judging, and provide emergency referrals when necessary. Those caring individuals deserve far more praise than mere words can convey.

Please, Abby, thank them for me and all of the others who have been uplifted or saved by them. They have saved my life more than once. -- GRATEFUL CALLER IN FLORIDA

DEAR GRATEFUL: With extended families so widely dispersed these days that they barely know one another, crisis lines are often the only lifeline for those in distress. We should all be thankful for the generous, compassionate people who give of themselves to those in desperate need of help or someone to talk to. Bless them for the vital work they do.

DEAR ABBY: In regard to the letter from "Country Gal From Sacramento," who wrote about children wearing name tags while visiting a petting zoo, I submit this scenario:

One summer several neighborhood moms and I decided to take our children to Grant's Farm, a beautiful game preserve here in St. Louis. We wound up with four moms and 10 kids.

I had just finished sewing a brightly colored, striped sundress, so I wore it that day and gave each child a square of my dress fabric, which we safety-pinned to their shirts. You had better believe everyone could see immediately who those kids belonged to.

We had enjoyed the park for about an hour when an employee walked my 6-year-old up to me and said, "I believe he belongs to you." Abby, I hadn't even realized he was missing! But the incident had a happy ending, thanks to my method of keeping tabs on the kids. -- LOST AND FOUND MOM

DEAR MOM: Your solution was unique. As I stated in my original reply, the idea of small children walking around public places wearing name tags makes me uneasy.

P.S. Another reader suggested that when teachers take students on field trips, the teacher's name should be placed on the name tag, or the number of the bus that provided the transportation.

DEAR ABBY: I had a thought after reading the letter from "Feeling Alone in the Office." He complained about his co-worker, "Maury," who can't seem to stop talking to his office mates and customers. It is possible that Maury is an adult with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). If he has ADHD, it would explain why he has trouble controlling his behavior.

If "Feeling Alone" works for a company with medical benefits or an employee assistance plan, perhaps Maury could be evaluated and get some real help. -- PARENT OF A CHILD WITH ADHD

DEAR PARENT: That the man could be an adult with ADHD never occurred to me. It is also possible that he is simply a compulsive talker. Whatever the cause, I agree it wouldn't hurt for him to be evaluated, if he is open to it.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)