DEAR ABBY: It has taken me years to be able to write this letter. With Father's Day approaching, I can't put it off any longer.

This is the 10th year I will avoid greeting card stores, full-page ads for Father's Day specials, and any other reference to Father's Day.

My beloved father was buried the day before Father's Day in 1991. His surgery to repair damage from a heart attack was unsuccessful. He had seen the doctor the week before, complaining of chest pains. After a short exam, he was given a prescription for an antacid and advised to return in two weeks if the problem persisted. He didn't survive two weeks.

We were stunned that this active, vital man could, without his knowledge, have a heart problem so severe that it proved to be fatal. After the funeral I did some research.

The most startling statistic I discovered is 225,000 people die unexpectedly each year from heart attacks. One cardiologist told me, "Sometimes the first symptom is that the patient is dead."

Abby, this figure accounts for one-fourth of all heart disease-related deaths in this country. Had my father been properly diagnosed, in all probability he could have received treatment to prevent his heart attack. As it turned out, his heart was so badly damaged, he was unable to withstand the surgery to try to save his life.

Abby, please urge your readers to insist that their loved ones see a doctor regularly for a complete physical examination -- especially if there's a history of heart disease or other high-risk factors in their family.

If one father takes my advice and spares his children the pain of a fatherless Father's Day, my wonderful father's death will not have been without meaning. -- MISSING DAD IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR MISSING DAD: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your father. While I can urge readers to schedule annual physicals, it is eloquent letters like yours that often give them the added "push" they need to safeguard their health. If they won't do it for themselves, sometimes they'll do it for the peace of mind of their families.

I'm sorry you're still suffering so much pain. Perhaps it will help you to take a moment on Father's Day to remember some of the special times you shared with him. I can't imagine a finer tribute.

DEAR ABBY: This morning while I was waiting for some repair work to be done on my car, I read with interest the letters in your column about the symbolism of finding one or more pennies.

When the repairs were finished, I went out to my car, opened the car door, and guess what was sitting in the middle of my driver's seat? A bright, shiny 2001 penny! I wonder if my father (who has been deceased for 12 years) was sending me a message. -- DAVE BROWN, BIRMINGHAM, ALA.

DEAR DAVE: I don't know what your mechanic charges, but your dad may have thought you needed the money.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in a two-booklet set. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $7.90 per set ($9 per set in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Your column about teen fitness caught my attention. I am a high school sophomore who is involved in sports activities such as swimming, track/cross country and kickboxing. I have been struggling with anorexia and bulimia since my freshman year. It's a serious problem that society needs to address.

My purpose in writing is to thank you and Terrie, the woman whose letter you printed. It meant the world to me, and I'm sure it did to hundreds of other teens. Just knowing someone cared brought tears to my eyes.

If I could offer advice to teens suffering from this disease, it would be this: GET HELP. You are living in a dark, cold world that you shouldn't have to be in. If you can't talk to your parents, then reach out to someone else -- a teacher or school counselor. They're there to help.

Also, don't give up. When things seem at their worst, they can only get better. It helps to remember that there really are people who care and that you're not alone.

After coming to terms with my problem, I went to my mother, who put me into counseling right away. I was also taken to a nutritionist to learn about how to eat healthy. Only then did my recovery begin.

Thank you, Abby. Your column will be displayed in my room for a long time. It's given me strength to get through this. -- NEW JERSEY TEEN ON THE ROAD TO RECOVERY

DEAR N.J. TEEN: I'm pleased you're recovering. Your letter is sure to raise awareness among other teen-agers. That's important, because our culture -- with help from the media -- tends to glamorize extreme thinness. It's a dangerous goal.

According to the Department of Health and Human Services, one-third of all girls in grades 9 through 12 think that they are overweight, and 60 percent of them say they are trying to lose weight. Nearly half of all teen-age girls skip a meal to control their weight -- and between 3.6 percent and 12.9 percent of young women suffer from one of the three main eating disorders: anorexia nervosa, bulimia or binge-eating. Of all psychiatric disorders, eating disorders have the highest mortality rate -- 10 percent.

Starving is not a proper or effective way to lose weight. Teens who fail to get enough vitamins and minerals in their diet are setting themselves up for osteoporosis in their later years. The most effective way to practice sensible weight control is to talk to your physician or a registered dietitian about what constitutes a healthy, balanced diet; to realize that weight is not put on overnight and it's not lost overnight; and to establish a routine that includes moderate physical activity.

CONFIDENTIAL TO "MAD AT HIS MOM IN PITTSBURGH": "The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment." (Submitted by David Broome)

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Your advice to "Alone and in Love," the 19-year-old girl who was devastated when her boyfriend broke up with her, was right on. You said that when someone says, "You deserve better," you should be grateful for their candor because they are probably right.

My sweetheart, "James," and I were together all through high school. After graduation he joined the Marines, and we kept up a long-distance relationship. One night while I was visiting where he was stationed, he told me he wasn't "good enough" for me, but we could still be "great friends." I was devastated. He was my first love. I couldn't picture myself with anyone else.

Then along came "Allen." He was sweet, funny and great company. I told myself that he would be "just a distraction." It turned out that when I was with Allen, I never gave a second thought to James. Allen and I have been together nearly 10 years, married four years, and have two beautiful children. Allen is my soulmate. I would not trade my life with him for anything in this world. I am thankful every day for what James did.

Please tell "Alone" to keep her chin up. It's easier to see true love that way. -- LOVE IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER

DEAR LOVE IS: I hope your letter will reassure other readers that when one door closes, another one opens. There's an old saying -- the "hair of the dog" cures a hangover. In many cases, it also can mend a broken heart. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Alone and in Love" brought back memories.

When I was 20, I fell deeply in love. "Chip" told me we would marry as soon as his divorce was final. One week before it was final, he returned to his ex. It turned out Chip couldn't bear to part with his snowmobile, motorcycle and other toys. I, too, was devastated.

Six months later, he had the gall to ask one of my girlfriends to ask me to return his ring and the large studio photo he had given me of himself.

The next morning I made myself a scrambled egg and champagne breakfast, burned his picture in the fireplace, and pounded the ring flat with a hammer. I put the "remains" in an envelope and mailed them to him. It was probably not the nicest thing to do -- but it sure gave me closure. -- MOVED ON IN TEXAS

DEAR MOVED ON: I'm struck by the symbolism. Your relationship had turned to ashes when he left you flat. (Naughty girl!) I hope you had better luck next time.

DEAR ABBY: I am 15 and have my first "serious" boyfriend. I have been dating him for five months. I really love his family, but sometimes I get little hints that make me feel I am a bother to his parents.

I don't want them to get tired of me, because I really like them, and I don't want anything to affect our relationship.

Should I not call or visit as much, or just wait and see what happens? Thanks a million. -- CATHY IN CORAL GABLES, FLA.

DEAR CATHY: Since you suspect that you're calling and visiting too frequently, by all means you should cut back. It will give you an opportunity to participate in some interesting new solo activities you can share -- and it will give your boyfriend the opportunity to pursue you.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)