DEAR ABBY: I have been married 21 years. I have a 17-year-old daughter and a 14-year-old son. For the past year, my family life has been a living hell.

My wife and daughter refer to me –- and all men –- as "stupid." At first, I took it as a joke, but it has escalated to the point where I can't open my mouth without hearing, "You men are so stupid!" If I ask what's for dinner, it's, "Don't be so stupid. Look for yourself." If I ask the time, it's, "Men are so stupid. You don't even know how to tell time!"

My wife and daughter enjoy their "jokes" and even do "high-fives" to congratulate themselves on their cleverness. I have asked them to stop, but they say I am "too sensitive." I started keeping a diary of their remarks. I was told I was stupid 35 times in four weeks!

I love my wife, but I can't stay in this marriage if they continue to insult me. It is poisoning my relationship with my children. Before this, my daughter was a good kid. She is now a little monster with my wife's blessing. When I try to discuss this with my son, he shrugs it off. I fear what this is doing to him.

I suggested that we get counseling. My wife said no and told my daughter, who then accused me of being the "oppressor."

Abby, what should I do? –- STUCK, BUT NOT STUPID

DEAR STUCK: Your wife's behavior is angry and hostile. Her treatment of you is disrespectful and not funny. Worse, she's modeling that behavior for her daughter and undermining your relationship with your son.

Since your wife refuses to go with you to counseling, you must go alone. I guarantee that when you do, you'll gain enough insight to possibly face a difficult decision.

Please let me hear from you in six months. I care.

DEAR ABBY: I am a great-grandmother with a unique hobby. A large number of four-leaf clovers grow in my yard. I pick them and give them to people who are sick, or mail them to friends just to let them know I care.

I picked 14 of them and mailed them in a card to my favorite author, Stephen King, when he was injured. Most people seem to enjoy them, and I hope he did.

My friend says that people will think I'm strange or superstitious, but I think most of us like to know someone cares and is thinking of us.

I have never had anyone refuse a bouquet of four-leaf clovers, but maybe they are just being kind. Do you think I should stop sending them? –- CURIOUS IN ELWOOD, IND.

DEAR CURIOUS: Absolutely not. I'm sure that any person who receives a bouquet of four-leaf clovers would consider him- or herself lucky to know you.

P.S. Thank you for the ones you sent to me.

DEAR ABBY: Please tell me how many times it is necessary to say "God bless you" after someone sneezes continuously. Must you "bless" someone every time he or she sneezes, or is it OK to stop at one?

I work in an office full of sneezers -– allergy season is upon us –- and I'd really like to know. –- GETTING PESKY OVER POLLEN

DEAR GETTING PESKY: After the first sneeze, proclaim a blanket "God bless you." Once is enough.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

To order "How to Wite Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I read the letter today about the lady who warned about drinking and cooking at the same time, because she fell asleep and almost burned the house down.

Ever since I was a child, my mother told me about how my great-grandfather, Charles Gabriel, would write hymns along with his good friend, Samuel Clemens. They would sit at the same table and share a bottle of gin between them while they created their celebrated masterpieces.

My mother received royalties from his saintly work until her death.

Today I do most of my creative work in the kitchen while drinking. I'm not driving. I usually have some beautiful music in the background, and never once have I "fallen asleep" like "Karen in Tampa" did. I enjoy every minute I spend in the kitchen, and so do those who join us at our dinner table.

Please don't give responsible drinkers a black eye. Just think what turn our American literature would have taken if we had removed that bottle of gin from Mark Twain's table 120 years ago! –- ONE OF A LONG LINE OF DRINKERS

DEAR DRINKER: ... and Dashiell Hammett's and Dorothy Parker's and F. Scott Fitzgerald's, to name a celebrated few. Some of our gifted writers might have been "less entertaining," but they would have lived longer.

DEAR ABBY: You mentioned obsessive-compulsive disorder in your answer to the wife of the farmer who hoards useless objects in their cluttered home. You told your readers that help was available.

Obsessive-compulsive disorder is characterized by fearful and repetitive thoughts (obsessions) and senseless rituals (compulsions) that temporarily reduce the fearful thoughts. Hoarding is one of several forms of OCD. Other forms include contamination obsessions and washing or cleaning compulsions, persistent doubts, such as whether or not one has locked the door, and the urge to count, order or "even up" objects.

Please let your readers know that the Obsessive-Compulsive Foundation is a great resource. The national OC Foundation and many local chapters exist to educate people about this treatable neurological disorder; to help them locate qualified professionals in their area; and to give people the information and support they need to manage their OC symptoms so they can lead happy, productive lives.

Abby, people can contact the national OC Foundation at (203) 315-2190, or at Web site: www.ocfoundation.org. Readers will be referred to local groups across the United States. –- SUSAN A. RICHMAN, PRESIDENT, METRO CHICAGO OC FOUNDATION

DEAR SUSAN: Thank you for your helpful letter. An estimated 5 million to 6 million people suffer from this problem. I'm sure they and their families will be relieved to know you are there for them.

DEAR ABBY: After reading the article about the Easter lily causing the death of a cat, I thought I had better write to you.

Two years ago during our Easter dinner celebration, we moved our Easter lily to make room for some guests. We relocated it too close to our cockatiel, and after he nibbled some of the petals, we later found him dead.

So, Abby, Easter lilies aren't safe for birds either. -- MARGARET IN TUCSON

DEAR MARGARET: What a sad story. Perhaps the safest place for the Easter lily was on the poor little creature's grave. Bird lovers, be warned.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: After reading the letter from "Hurting in Houston," the gay man whose parents told him he and his partner were no longer welcome in their home, I felt the need to speak to him from my heart. Abby, I would be honored if you would print my message to him:

Dear Hurting: I am a lesbian. I want you to know that you are not alone. I sympathize with how you feel. My father is homophobic. Need I say more? What people like your parents and my father don't realize is that the gay community is much larger than they think. Chances are, most people in this country have some connection to someone who is gay.

Is there a PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) near your parents? That would be a good place for them to express their concerns among people from their side of the fence.

There is nothing "horrible" about being gay. God didn't "goof" when he made us. He wanted us this way, and no matter what other people might tell you, God loves us just the same as he loves anyone else. I don't know how you feel about God, but I know that I would not be alive today if he were not walking through life right beside me.

You wrote that you're having trouble sleeping at night. I've been there, too. My advice to you is to find somewhere you and your partner feel comfortable to worship God. There are gay and gay-friendly churches in this country. I know going has helped me. A month ago, I wasn't sleeping well, and I didn't feel like eating as much as I normally do. I was depressed, and I knew it; but I didn't know what to do about it. Then I heard about a gay church near where I live. I went one day. By experiencing God's unconditional love, I feel that life is better. I'm sleeping at night now, and my appetite has returned.

If God can give me peace, he can do the same for you. I'll be praying for you. -– HOPEFUL IN HESPERIA, CALIF.

DEAR HOPEFUL: I'm sure your words of encouragement will bolster the spirits of more hurting individuals than the young man who wrote. Not all families reject or fear their gay relatives. And your message that while some churches teach homophobic doctrine, others are gay-friendly is an important one. Some of them even have membership that is primarily gay and lesbian. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are dismayed over "Hurting in Houston's" problem with his parents.

We have lots of love to give and would like "Hurting" to know that we would be happy to be his parents. Whether it be a legal adoption or a spiritual one, we would like to be his family.

He will get a mom and dad who will love him, worry about him, respect him and accept that he is gay. He will gain two brothers who have been taught to love and treat others with kindness. He and his partner can openly come to our home and all family functions. We will brag about him, call him often, and bore him with our stories. In short, we will make him and his partner feel very much a part of a REAL family.

We are serious, Abby. Please pass this letter on to him. -– FROM LONG BEACH, WITH LOVE

DEAR FROM LONG BEACH: If I hear from him, I will. And that's a promise.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $7.90 ($9 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)