DEAR ABBY: Over the past year, I have found several unsigned romantic greeting cards in my husband's truck, or in bags stashed throughout the house. I would wait a few days to see if I received any of them, and after time passed, confront my husband about them. He said he was waiting for the "right opportunity" to give them to me.

Well, it's been months, and I haven't received a single card from my husband. I'm beginning to wonder if there is someone else who is getting them.

Should I confront him again or keep waiting to see what happens? -- WAITING FOR MAIL IN PHILLY

DEAR WAITING: You've waited long enough. If the cards were meant for you, you would have received at least a few of them. Tell your husband that unless he straightens out and flies right, you'll send HIM a card that says, "Change of Address."

DEAR ABBY: I live in a hot climate. I have the only swimming pool in the area. My neighbors and their children have taken an invitation to swim on a particular day as an opportunity to use my pool whenever their hearts desire.

Abby, I don't want people in my pool on a daily basis. Maintenance is expensive, and I want my privacy.

How can I politely let people know that my pool is not open all the time and still maintain friendly relations with my neighbors? -- PRIVATE POOL OWNER

DEAR POOL OWNER: Let your neighbors know that your pool is open to them from ( ) to ( ) on a specified day and that children must be supervised by parents at all times.

If a regular schedule is not acceptable, do what other readers have done: Buy a decorative flag and let your neighbors know that when they see the flag is flying, visitors are welcome as long as children are accompanied by parents.

You have a right to your privacy, but you must assert that right or it will be ignored.

DEAR ABBY: I am the mother of a beautiful 2 1/2-year-old girl. She lives with her adoptive parents two hours from where I now live. I know they love her very much and take excellent care of her.

Mother's Day has passed, but during the weeks leading up to it, I was reminded of it on television, in newspapers and in retail stores -- everywhere I turned. Mothers are very important and should be honored by their children and husbands, but I am a mother, too!

I did what I thought was best for my daughter by giving her to parents who could take better care of her than I. I don't begrudge them anything, but I am tired of being forgotten on Mother's Day.

Please, Abby, I know Mother's Day has passed, but would you wish a belated Happy Mother's Day to all birth mothers, especially the ones with no one else to say it? -- BIRTH MOTHER IN BALTIMORE

DEAR BIRTH MOTHER: With pleasure.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: "Ticked Off in Connecticut" asked if anyone could top the account of the nervy mother who purchased shower gifts for her daughter and asked the guests to pay for what she had purchased. Well, I can. I'm enclosing a copy of a letter from "Vic and Betty" to a guest they invited to their wedding. (Betty's third, incidentally.)

"Dear Dick and Fran: Enclosed is a check for $30 for the salt and pepper shakers, which we returned today. At the time we didn't know who could have sent such a gift.

"Vic thought it was someone from down South who is not coming to the wedding. This evening we found the card and realized they came from you.

"Since you think so little of us, please do us the courtesy of NOT attending our wedding or reception. -- Vic and Betty"

Abby, when my friend -- who was with Fran when she purchased the salt and pepper shakers for the couple -- saw the letter, she couldn't stop laughing and sent that nervy communique to me. Funny? If you want to verify this, I'm enclosing Fran's phone number. I just told her I'm sending the letter to you. -- STILL LAUGHING, SHORT HILLS, N.J.

P.S. Another "guest" received a similar request not to attend, along with a refund check for $75 for the gift she had sent.

DEAR STILL LAUGHING: You may be laughing, but I'm wincing. A wedding invitation is supposed to be sent by the happy couple to special people with whom they would like to share this important rite of passage. That the invitation would be rescinded because the couple considers a wedding gift not lavish enough is appalling bad manners.

Nowhere is it written that a wedding gift must be as expensive as the cost of the catered dinner, although I have received letters from dissatisfied newlyweds complaining that they didn't "make back" the cost of the wedding. No one should spend more on a wedding gift than he or she can comfortably afford. Perhaps those who think of a wedding as a fund-raiser should consider charging admission. (Only kidding!) Read on:

DEAR ABBY: So you think you've seen it all? Allow me to share the flier we received from my husband's cousin:

"In honor of 'Desiree's' first birthday, we are setting up an education fund to pay for her college expenses, etc., and we're asking for your help. Our goal is to invest at least $2,000 on her behalf. We'll keep a list of everyone who contributes and have Desi write a periodic letter to each of you letting you know what's new in her life. (She'll do it whether Daddy has to put his foot down or not!) She needs to know how many people loved her the day she was born, and this will be a small thank-you on her part.

"Send contributions to our address. -- DESI'S PROUD PARENTS

"P.S. Desiree is also registered at Toys 'R' Us and Target!"

So, Abby, how would you respond to this? -- FUMING IN FLORIDA

DEAR FUMING: Since the invitation came from out of state and there's no chance you'll be attending the birthday party, send your regrets and a nice card commemorating the happy event.

P.S. When will people learn that it is crass and impolite to ask for money? The subject of money should be brought up only in response to the question: "What does the baby (or bride) need (or prefer)?" No reference to money should appear on any invitation.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I don't know what to do. Last week I caught my next-door neighbor "peeping" into the bedroom window of a very pretty neighbor across the street. When I confronted him, he begged me not to tell his wife, giving all kinds of psychological reasons for his behavior, including his upbringing.

Let me add that when my husband and I moved into our home seven years ago, we had a "peeping Tom" at our bedroom window. This neighbor now admits it was he, and that he also liked to listen to our bedroom activities! Now he claims that being caught has completely changed him. He has promised it will never happen again. Somehow I don't buy it.

This man and his wife are a young couple who have announced they plan to "make a baby" in the fall. I worry about the child they want to bring into the world, and the consequences of having this guy as a father.

It's difficult to act normal in front of his wife. We were becoming friends and entertained them as dinner guests a few times. We helped each other with yard work and household improvements. Now I feel extremely uncomfortable around them. I think his wife has noticed the strained feeling.

Should I tell her what I know? My husband says I should stay out of it, but this has been bothering me to the point that I feel like installing security cameras on all sides of our home.

How should I handle this, Abby? I need your advice quick. -– WORRIED NEIGHBOR

DEAR WORRIED NEIGHBOR: Your neighbor across the street should immediately be told what you witnessed so she can take steps to protect her privacy. Your local police should be informed so they can keep an eye on the man -– who clearly has a problem that requires professional help. However, I see no reason to tell his wife at this time. That information should come from her husband or the authorities.

Read on for a more lighthearted "neighbor story":

DEAR ABBY: This is in response to the letter from "Gardener in West Palm Beach, Fla." He's the man who stemmed the constant flow of criticism from a pesky neighbor by telling her it made him uncomfortable that she constantly watched him get "all sweaty" while working in his yard with his shirt off -– then gave her a wink. I had to laugh because it reminded me of a similar experience my husband and I had.

We lived in an apartment over a business. Our "pests" were an older couple who lived in a duplex across the street. They literally took turns watching us through their binoculars! It got to the point where we couldn't open our front curtains.

One hot day we opened our curtains and front window to let some air in, and sure enough, there they were. My husband gave me a sly grin. Then he turned around, dropped his shorts and mooned them! I watched them grab the binoculars they dropped and run in the house. Needless to say, they never watched us again. -– STILL LAUGHING IN OHIO

DEAR STILL LAUGHING: They were fast learners. Being moonstruck once was enough.

CONFIDENTIAL TO "LONG TIME AGO" IN ILLINOIS: Tell your husband about the molestation that happened when you were a little girl. It wasn't your fault. Then make an appointment with a therapist. In order to get on with your life and stop the flashbacks, you must bring all of this out in the open. Please write again and let me know how you are doing.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)