DEAR READERS: I'm delighted to tell you about a special book that's hot off the presses this month titled "War Letters: Extraordinary Correspondence From American Wars" (Scribner). It features never-before-seen letters from the Civil War, World War I, World War II, Korea, Vietnam, the Persian Gulf and even Bosnia. It is edited by a dedicated young man named Andy Carroll.

What makes this book so special is that YOU helped to write it.

Several years ago I told you about Andy's all-volunteer organization, the Legacy Project, that honors and remembers America's veterans by preserving their war letters. I encouraged you to look through your closets, attics and basements for old war correspondence and to send photocopies of anything historic, impassioned or dramatic to Andy's attention.

The response was overwhelming. Tens of thousands of remarkable letters were received, and 200 of them are being published, all for the first time, in "War Letters." I am struck by the power and eloquence of the letters you contributed. Many are inspiring, some are heartbreaking, all of them are unforgettable.

These letters celebrate our greatest American values -- honor, faith, courage and perseverance. They remind us that wars are won not by generals and presidents, but by the individual soldiers, Marines, sailors, airmen, Coast Guard and nurses whose voices are so often forgotten. They are our true heroes. "War Letters" lets their voices be heard.

All earnings from this book are being donated to veterans groups, and Andy has established a Web site -- www.warletters.com -- that offers free information on how to safeguard your old letters, as well as links to respected organizations that preserve wartime letters, photos and journals.

Future generations of Americans need to understand and appreciate the high cost of freedom. This book is a lasting tribute to our men and women in uniform and the enormous sacrifices they have made for all of us. It is available in your local bookstore.

DEAR ABBY: I am a gentleman in my late 70s who prefers wearing athletic shoes because I find them comfortable. I wear them not only around the house, but when shopping, dining out, going to the movies, etc.

For some reason, wearing white socks with them causes my feet and ankles to itch (perhaps due to an allergy). Therefore, I wear colored socks -- black, blue, brown -- you get the picture.

My problem: My children, who are all married with kids of their own, are forever telling me I look like a "dork"! They say that colored socks should never be worn with athletic shoes. Please don't advise me to switch to leather shoes, as they are hard on my feet.

How can I make my children understand that I am not trying to be a misfit, but only trying to be comfortable in my "golden years"? -- NO SLAVE TO FASHION IN SAN MARCOS

DEAR NO SLAVE: My "fashion experts" tell me that if people can see your socks, your trousers may be too short. However, if that's not your problem, consider that athletic shoes come in a variety of color combinations, and you can always coordinate your shoes and socks to match your outfit.

P.S. Consult a podiatrist about foot powder to relieve what's itching you.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am writing in response to the letter from "Been There in Texas," the woman who was married to a very controlling husband.

This past year, I found myself a prisoner of what began as the perfect relationship. During the first couple of months I dated my boyfriend, I was swept away by his charm and loving attitude. He deserves a standing ovation. He did an outstanding job of blinding me -- and everyone in my life -- to his true nature.

My once-active social life slowly disappeared before my eyes -- leaving me with only him. It was a slow process. He patiently chipped away at my self-esteem until he created a relationship that satisfied his needs. I found myself trapped by someone who didn't allow me to speak to anyone. He took away my right to be me.

He constantly reminded me that he was a "real man." In reality, he was a scared little boy hiding behind a strong woman. That's why he chose me to be his victim. I had dignity, self-respect, a confident attitude -- qualities he knew he would never have. "Boys" like him need women like me because we have lots of chutzpah. If they can subdue someone like me, they gain a sense of control within themselves.

I'm writing to let anyone who is presently involved with a controlling partner know one thing: These partners are scared. They are scared of being alone. Most of all, they are scared of themselves. Deep down they know they can't sugarcoat their personalities forever. They know people will eventually uncover the cruel intentions hidden temporarily behind their mask of sweetness.

My advice to victims: I hope that one day you will remember the strong person you once were. I hope you will realize that you still exist and have the right to come out and play. Whether you realize it or not, you have control over the next move. Change the rules of the game -- and leave. -- P.G. IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR P.G.: The man you describe is a narcissistic personality. He believes the world revolves around him and his needs, and nobody else matters. If you are not revolving around him, you are not in his orbit, and he will say and do anything to entice you in.

There is only one way out -- and that is to make a safe escape plan to leave -- and once you have escaped, never return. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: May I share a poem I wrote last year? It was derived from conversations I had with women who survived abusive relationships and gained the courage to leave. -- DANNY COMSTOCK, MINNEAPOLIS

DEAR DANNY: Thank you for giving me permission to print your poem, "Words of Love?" If your painful words sound familiar to any of my readers, I hope they, too, will have the courage to leave.

You're fat! You're ugly!

You're nothing but a b----!

Clean the house!

Take care of the kids!

Can't you do anything right?

You're not sexy!

You don't turn me on!

You're frigid, cold as ice!

You don't appreciate my love!

Why I put up with you, I don't understand!

But no one will understand you like I do!

You need me to take care of you!

You won't survive without me!

If you don't listen to me, I will hit you again!

And then you will understand how much I love you!

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have lived in this town for 40 years. My ex-husband and I divorced 34 years ago. Our children are adults, and we have four grandchildren, ranging in age from 4 to 10. I have many friends, but there are two women in this town I cannot tolerate. One has been my ex-husband's wife for 25 years. They are now being divorced. Wouldn't you know -- his current "main squeeze" is the other woman I can't stand.

When his second marriage ended, the entire family breathed a sigh of relief. I am almost 70 now, and all of us had hoped we could enjoy future family events without the stress of having someone around I disliked. (The family gets together every other month or so, and both my ex and I are invited.)

My ex now wants his girlfriend included in these family celebrations. I told him in no uncertain terms that I have purposely avoided this woman for many years. I do not want to associate with her simply because he is now involved with her. My children love their father and me, and are now caught in the middle.

Abby, do you think I am being unreasonable? -- MIMI IN ST. LOUIS

DEAR MIMI: Don't make your family choose between you and your ex-husband. You cannot control whom your family invites. You CAN control how many times a year you want to be around someone you dislike.

Perhaps you have misjudged this woman. I hope you can look beyond her faults for the sake of family unity.

DEAR ABBY: This letter is in reference to the one from the pilot ("Joey Jet") who was afraid of roller coasters. You were right when you said his fear stemmed from the fact that he wasn't in control when he was on an amusement park ride.

It has been decades, but I still remember a ride at an amusement park where my boyfriend and I shared a seat and one of us could direct our "airplane flight" with a knob. When he directed us, everything was fine. As soon as I took the knob, he got sick and had to take the controls from me. As long as he was in control, he was fine.

As it turned out, he became a bomber pilot in World War II and flew 35 missions out of England over Germany. -- AUDREY IN PORT RICHEY, FLA.

DEAR AUDREY: That's interesting. If the number of letters I have received from pilots is any indication, "Joey Jet" is far from alone in suffering from the problem. Read on for an eye-opener:

DEAR ABBY: I have been both a pilot and an airport traffic controller, and have logged millions of passenger miles. I share the same problem as "Joey Jet." I have acrophobia -- a fear of heights. While I have no fear of flying, I cannot tolerate high amusement park rides like roller coasters.

I agree with you that lack of control plays a part, but it's also the fact that rides, tall buildings and canyon ledges are VISIBLY CONNECTED to the ground. When you're flying high in the sky, only your flight instruments measure altitude and speed.

Nothing compares to that exhilarating sensation of "loosing the bonds of Earth" on takeoff. -- UP AND AWAY GRANDMA IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR UP AND AWAY: Thank you for the expert input, but I disagree. For me, nothing compares to the relief I feel coasting to the terminal after a safe landing.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in a two-booklet set. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $7.90 per set ($9 per set in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)