DEAR ABBY: Although you don't know it, you were very much involved in making my Mother's Day special last year. My son's wife, Maureen, saw a letter in your column that inspired her to write one to me. Maureen and my son Tom met in high school and have been happily married for 33 years. Never in all that time have Maureen and I had a disagreement or argument of any kind.

I've enclosed the letter she sent to me. It brought tears to my eyes.

"DEAR KATE: When I saw Dear Abby's column on Mother's Day, I thought of you. I want you to know how blessed I feel to have you for a mother-in-law. In fact, I rarely use that term because of its negative connotations. I usually refer to you as 'my husband's mother.'

"You have always shown me kindness and understanding, especially during some difficult times. You have never criticized me, even when we disagreed. And I surely appreciate the love you have shown me. I have always felt being a part of the Olsen family -- as one of you, rather than an in-law.

"Even if I hadn't known you as well as I do, I would deduce how wonderful you are just through the dear, witty, generous son you raised.

"Thank you for every weed you've pulled, for every shirt you've ironed, every thoughtful note you've written, every kind word you spoke when my parents died, every hug you've given me, every day of baby-sitting Kristin and Tim, and for ALL you've done for me.

"Thank you for all of this, Kate, and most of all, for loving me as you do. Love and thanks. Maureen" -- KATE OLSEN, INDIANHEAD PARK, ILL.

DEAR KATE: You have a right to be proud. That letter illustrates the ideal loving relationship that can be shared by DILs and MILs. I hope it inspires others to emulate you. Read on:

DEAR READERS: I would like to share with you a tribute to a mother that I printed in 1992. I'm sure many of you can identify with it. While some of the details may differ, the following letter describes the many sacrifices and acts of love on the part of mothers everywhere:

DEAR ABBY: My 37-year-old daughter, Norma, sent me the following testimonial for Mother's Day. It touched me so profoundly that I wanted to share it with you. -- DORA BOYD, EDGEWATER, FLA.

DEAR MRS. BOYD: Thank you for sending it. I do, indeed, want to share it with my readers:

"Dear Mother: As I grew up ...

"... You fostered my independence. You allowed me to decide what to wear, what friends to choose, what boys to date, what foods to eat -- and how much. You trusted my judgment, even when it differed from yours. Although our views differ on women's issues, fashion, etc., you displayed confidence in my decisions.

"... You never shamed me for being a bed wetter until I was 6 -- and for that, I'll always be grateful.

"... You worked backbreaking jobs to give my brother and me music lessons, concerts, plays and educational trips.

"... You taught me about reproduction and birth control. I'm very proud of you for that. My girlfriends cannot say that about their mothers.

"... You admitted that you were not perfect, enabling me to safely question your beliefs, opinions and actions -- and draw my own conclusions.

"And now that I'm an adult, I want to thank you for always being there for me. You are a wonderful role model, and I am lucky to have you for my mother. I love you very much. -- NORMA"

DEAR READERS: Does Norma's mother sound familiar? If the answer is yes, today's the day to express your appreciation to your mother. If you aren't comfortable composing a letter of your own to give to Mom today, clip this and take it to her. Tell her you recognized her in this column. Give her a big hug and a thank-you -- and don't be surprised if you see tears of happiness in her eyes. Happy Mother's Day.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in a two-booklet set. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $7.90 per set ($9 per set in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 14-year-old girl. Last summer my family and I went on a trip to the Cayman Islands. I planned to go to a camp in North Carolina after our trip, but because of a scheduling mix-up, I ended up leaving the islands one day earlier than my family.

I was petrified to go on a plane alone -- especially in a foreign country -- and to change planes in Miami to get to our home in New Orleans.

Well, I got safely on my plane to Miami, but when I got off, I didn't know what to do. I followed other people to immigration, where I was supposed to show my passport, but I wasn't sure which line to get into.

This small, dark-haired lady was walking beside me. I had noticed her on my plane. She asked if I was traveling alone. I nodded, hoping the fear didn't show in my eyes. She directed me to the right line and waited for me to get through. Then she led me to the baggage claim, where I got my suitcase to take it to my next check-in.

It was extremely kind of her, because she hadn't checked any luggage -- yet she went out of her way to help me. After I got my suitcase, she guided me to my terminal. (Hers was on the other side of the airport.) She never told me her name. I am thankful that she helped me; otherwise I would have been completely lost at that big airport.

Please print this, Abby. I want that woman to know what a help she was. I'm so glad there are still good people in this world who will go out of their way to help a stranger. -- GRATEFUL GIRL IN NEW ORLEANS

DEAR GRATEFUL GIRL: I am pleased to print your letter. However, I would like to add that parents of children who are not used to traveling alone should make arrangements with the airlines. In this way, the minors can be escorted to other terminals or through customs, if necessary, so they can arrive safely at their destination. To paraphrase Tennessee Williams' famous line, they should NOT have to depend on the "kindness of strangers."

DEAR ABBY: My mother was killed in an automobile accident 11 years ago. A week after the funeral, I had to return to my home 1,000 miles away. For the first time in my father's life, he was living alone. I called him as often as I could, but it didn't lessen his loneliness.

Seven months later, at Christmas, my wife and I went to visit him. He asked us to invite a special woman friend of his to dinner. Though we didn't say anything, we were very upset. This would be our first Christmas without my mother. I couldn't believe my father would bring another woman into our lives so soon. So when Mary Jo arrived, I was prepared not to like her. However, within seconds my attitude changed.

Mary Jo, like my mother, is an artist. She walked around the house telling us how much she liked our mother's paintings. At the dinner table, she asked questions about Mom. We laughed when she told us stories about her sons -- and we cried when she shared the story of her husband, Bill, who had died of cancer.

Abby, that dinner was 10 years ago. Since then, Mary Jo and Dad have married and "blended" our two families. They are an inspiration to my wife and me. They honor their former partners by living their lives to the fullest. I wish everyone could learn from them. -- CHAMBERS STEVENS, LOS ANGELES

DEAR CHAMBERS: So do I. Your father was fortunate to have married two such gracious, talented and sensitive women.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Mother's Day is approaching, and I'm feeling sentimental. I'd like to tell you what our family used to do on Mother's Day. Mom didn't need any more clothes or jewelry. So, for years, all the adult children, grandchildren and in-laws put on our work clothes and showed up at Mom's home on Mother's Day.

We brought the makings for a potluck dinner and plenty of beverages. We would then proceed to till and plant my mother's garden. Mom loved to garden and did so into her 80s, but getting it planted became too much for her. This was not only the perfect time to get the job done for her, but she loved seeing the family working together.

Often what older people enjoy the most is the gift of time and family. They want their independence, but some things can be done much more easily by the children. (Just don't forget to do it the way THEY want it done, and you'll see the joy in their eyes.) -- REMEMBERING IN WISCONSIN

DEAR REMEMBERING: How sweet of you to want to share your family's tradition. I'm sure your efforts pleased your mother mightily, and that every time she looked out her window, she was reminded of the happy memories of Mother's Day.

There are usually any number of chores to be done around a house, from painting to washing windows, fixing a fence, clearing out a garage, and miscellaneous household repairs too numerous to list. All it takes to get them done is a willing heart and some elbow grease. Of course, it also takes time -- and time is the most precious gift of all.

DEAR ABBY: I'm about to be married and am looking forward to my wedding with one exception: the family part.

I was severely abused as a child by my oldest sister. She is seven years older than me. My parents both worked outside the home, and they left her in charge.

When I was 5, I returned from Asia where I had been living with my grandparents. That's when the abuse started. She made up lies about things I supposedly did during the day, and since my parents were very traditional and stressed work, they beat me almost nightly.

I'm an adult now and have gone through therapy, where I learned the best way to deal with my family is to see as little of them as possible.

Although I have forgiven them and moved on, I do not want my sister at my wedding. The rest of the family has faced the truth and tried to make amends; my sister has not, and I want nothing to do with her. My mother, however, wants us to be "one big, happy family" with my sister in attendance. (Our family has never been "one big, happy family.") What should I do? -- ABOUT TO BE MARRIED IN L.A.

DEAR ABOUT TO BE MARRIED: I see no reason to invite your abuser to your wedding in order to satisfy your mother's fantasy of a perfect family. Omit your sister from the guest list, and don't allow anyone to browbeat you into changing your mind. Your reasons for excluding her are legitimate.

Please accept my best wishes for a long and happy marriage.

CONFIDENTIAL TO "DESPERATE IN SOUTH FLORIDA": Even though your name doesn't appear on your husband's credit cards, you MUST consult an attorney to determine whether or not you will be held responsible for his irrational spending sprees. Please don't wait. Your future may depend on it.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)