DEAR ABBY: We are an actress and a basketball player writing to you to ask your help in lighting a lamp of inspiration for the 600,000 children currently living in foster care.

May is National Foster Care Awareness Month, and we would like former foster children to join us in sharing their personal stories.

We both grew up in the foster care system. Being a foster child can be a painful and isolating experience, leaving many children without direction and purpose in their lives. We acknowledge that many foster children have experienced shame and felt "unattached" -- with no real sense of belonging to a family or community. Yet, we know firsthand that as painful as it is for children to live without their parents, foster care can also be the best thing for a child in harm's way. It was for us.

We were blessed to receive support and commitment from dedicated foster parents and mentors who believed we could fulfill our greatest dreams. And both of us, as well as thousands of other foster children, have gone on to lead successful and productive lives.

We believe that the skills and life lessons learned by former foster children can serve to light the way for those now in foster care. They can inspire current foster families and social workers by reminding them of the enormous difference their dedication makes, and encourage other caring individuals to become foster parents.

By sharing our personal stories, we can bring a world of promise to children in foster care, and provide them with clear examples of how they can live their lives to the fullest, and in doing so, enrich the lives of others. It is a legacy that all of us who have been in foster care must leave for our children and the future. -- VICTORIA ROWELL AND ALONZO MOURNING, NATIONAL SPOKESPERSONS FOR FOSTER CARE

DEAR VICTORIA AND ALONZO: You are living proof that with consistent mentoring, and with caring foster parents with an abundance of patience, foster children can succeed. For them to achieve, strong role models are essential because children absorb what they see around them.

That is why I am joining you in asking other successful former foster children to take pen in hand and share their stories. What was it that worked for you? What fortified you when times were difficult? Your personal experiences can bolster and enlighten current foster parents, inspire new ones and improve the foster care system. I know I can count on you. My readers are the most generous people in the world when it comes to giving of themselves.

Please address your letters to: Casey Family Services, 1 Corporate Drive, Shelton, CT 06484. The toll-free number is 1-888-799-KIDS (5437). The e-mail address is: dearabbyresponse@rowellfosterchildren.org. They're waiting to hear from you.

DEAR ABBY: I have been with the same man for 17 years. I would like to get married, but he is not saying anything. What should I do? -- STILL SINGLE IN NEWARK, N.J.

DEAR STILL SINGLE: You have been incredibly patient to have waited this long for a proposal of marriage. Tell him it's time the two of you tied the knot. If he gives you an argument, perhaps it's time for you to consider whether you're better off with him or without him.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: World War II mariners, who suffered the highest casualty rate of any of the branches of service while they delivered troops, tanks, airplanes and fuel to every theater of war, were belatedly awarded veteran status in 1988 and in 1998.

Thus far, only 95,000 out of a quarter-million eligible mariners, or their survivors, have applied for veteran status. Application procedures can be found at www.USMM.org/update.html or by sending a business-size self-addressed, stamped (55 cents) envelope to AMMV: WWII, P.O. Box 2361, Berkeley, CA 94702.

This is important because men and women who served in the U.S. Merchant Marines and the U.S. Army Transport Service may be eligible for medical care and prescriptions through the Veterans Administration. At the very least, they can tell their grandchildren they are "veterans of World War II," and can get a flag for their coffin and a grave marker.

Mariners from the Korean, Vietnam, Gulf wars, and the U.S. Maritime Service, the official WWII Merchant Marine training organization, should contact AMMV: OTHER, at the above address, so that they, too, can join together in applying for veteran status. -- DANIEL HORODYSKY, COMMUNICATIONS DIRECTOR, AMERICAN MERCHANT MARINE VETERANS

DEAR DANIEL: I am pleased that these unsung heroes are now able to receive benefits, as they should have been in the first place. Better late than never.

DEAR ABBY: Thank you for printing the letter from "Karen in Virginia," who after years of suffering was finally diagnosed as having endometriosis. After reading your column, I visited the Web site you mentioned (www.killercramps.org). Many of the symptoms were familiar to me, so I took the quiz and discovered that was probably my problem, too.

I talked to my mother about it and learned that both she and my grandmother had endometriosis, so I made an appointment with my gynecologist. The doctor recommended that in the very near future I undergo a procedure to have the tissue removed.

Had I not read about it in your column, I never would have known how serious endometriosis can be. Because of that column, I won't have to endure more years of pain. Thank you again, Abby. Sign me ... GRATEFUL IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR GRATEFUL: I was surprised at the number of women who suffer from this problem. More than half a million women visited the Endometriosis Association Web site after reading Karen's letter. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: "Karen in Virginia" wrote about the pain and suffering of endometriosis. It is also important to note that this debilitating disease can cause infertility.

Women with endometriosis who wish to have children need special care from their OB-GYN and must take steps early to preserve their fertility. These women should not wait until they are ready to start their families before seeking medical help.

RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association has information and educational materials for women with endometriosis who are planning to have children. For more information, patients can visit the RESOLVE Web site at www.resolve.org or call the RESOLVE helpline at 617-623-0744. -- JOAN C. BOWEN, EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR

DEAR JOAN: I hope you're prepared for an onslaught of inquiries -- because you're going to get them.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Because of today's ever-improving technology in wireless phones, millions of Americans have cell phones lying around that are no longer being used.

Instead of tossing them in the garbage when new ones are purchased, these handsets can be given to the "Donate-A-Phone" program that helps domestic violence victims. Sponsored by the Wireless Foundation, the "Donate-A-Phone" campaign was launched in September 1999 to collect and refurbish a portion of the 24 million wireless phones no longer being used. The phones are reprogrammed with 911 and other emergency numbers so domestic violence victims can access local emergency services and hot-line numbers at the touch of a button.

From May 1 to July 31, 2001, RadioShack is once again partnering with the Wireless Foundation to collect cell phones for the program. Abby, please let your readers know they can help victims of domestic violence by donating their old wireless phones. -- JILL A. LAIN, RADIOSHACK

DEAR JILL: What a terrific idea! Prepare for a deluge, because I'm sure that many people who see your letter will be delighted to join your "Donate-A-Phone" campaign.

Readers: Between May 1 and July 31, your outdated cell phone may be dropped off at any of RadioShack's 7,100 stores. Phones and accessories in any condition will be gladly accepted, and all donations are tax-deductible to the fullest extent of the law. IRS regulations prohibit the receiving organization from placing a value on donated items, but generally, the fair-market value can be claimed on your tax return.

For further information on this campaign, access the Web site: www.donateaphone.com.

DEAR ABBY: Whenever there is a death in or outside of our family, my mother always sends a card with cash in it to the grieving family. This mortifies me. She sends $5 to $50 for funeral expenses regardless of the financial situation of those in mourning. It seems so tacky. I beg her to send food or flowers or just a card, but she continues to send cash every time.

What do you think? -- MORTIFIED DAUGHTER IN MICHIGAN

DEAR MORTIFIED: Lighten up! This may be a generational difference. It is certainly a caring gesture -- and I cannot see that it is in any way "tacky." If the grieving family doesn't need the money, it can always be forwarded to the deceased's favorite charity.

DEAR ABBY: Why do athletes get paid more than teachers and policemen? They are the people who educate us and keep us safe. I believe the public can live without watching athletes, but can't live without people who keep us safe and make us smart. -- GRACE KOUBA, AGE 9, EUGENE, ORE.

DEAR GRACE: You have asked a very good question. Athletes earn huge salaries because of the money and publicity they bring to the teams that hire them. Millions of fans pay big money to see their favorite athletes play. Whether their "service" is of more value than what a teacher or police officer has to offer is a matter of perspective -- and a lesson in capitalism.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)