DEAR ABBY: After reading the letter from "Worried About Dad in New Mexico," I had to tell you about our year from hell.

My father, a severe stroke victim in his mid-80s, nearly lost everything. A woman half his age tricked him into a phony marriage, and into signing quitclaim deeds on his properties and automobile pink slips. She attempted to raid his checking account, savings account and Social Security.

Abby, your advice to "Worried" to take Dad to a doctor for an examination, and to a lawyer to protect his interests, was excellent, but I would add: Report suspected elder financial abuse to the county adult protective services.

While our experiences are more complex than most, there are common threads in both of them and a course of action families can take.

Many elders experience isolation, loneliness, fear of dependence, fear of financial problems, and the tendency to trust people they don't know.

It may be necessary to be confrontational (the downside risk is small in comparison to what might happen), and, if legal action becomes necessary, go for it with gusto. Be sure your attorney is a litigator; cheats and frauds are not frightened off by paper pushing.

Fortunately, we have been successful in court. I now have conservatorship and the marriage is almost nullified. Because there is still ongoing litigation, please sign me ... CLOSE CALL IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CLOSE CALL: I'm pleased your father's close call has a happy ending. He is fortunate to have been blessed with such caring children.

I urge all friends, relatives and neighbors who suspect an older person is being taken advantage of financially to report it before a tragedy occurs.

DEAR ABBY: We have two adorable grandchildren, ages 8 and 10. They visit us once a week for three hours. We play games, they romp on the lawn, and I make hot chocolate.

For the last three weeks, our son has called at the last minute and informed us that the children have "misbehaved," and their punishment is not being allowed to visit us. When we suggested that he find another form of punishment, he said to leave it up to his judgment as to what will hurt the children most.

Is it fair to use "grandparent bonding" as a punishment tool? -- LONELY GRANDMA AND PA

DEAR GRANDMA AND PA: Not being able to see your grandchildren is punishing you as much as the children. Punishment is not supposed to "hurt" a child; it is supposed to reinforce a lesson. Ask your son to relax the punishment and tell him you will talk to your grandchildren about their "misbehavior" and try to discover the root of it.

DEAR ABBY: Would it be cheating on my girlfriend if I engaged the services of a prostitute? There is no emotional involvement. -- WONDERING IN WASHINGTON

DEAR WONDERING: Let me put it this way: Would your girlfriend be cheating if she engaged the services of a male hustler? There's no emotional involvement. Think about it.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I just finished reading the letter from "Worried About Dad in New Mexico." She's the daughter of the man who was widowed five years ago. She told you that shortly after her mother's death, her father began dating women about 45 years his junior -- and that he had spent more than $20,000 on those "girls." She said his house had been robbed three times, and the last woman who robbed him had grabbed his wallet and run out of the house topless, where she was met by an accomplice and driven away.

You told her -- in so many words -- that you thought he needed his head examined and possibly a conservatorship.

I can tell you from personal experience that being older and having reduced mental capacity is not the likely reason for her dad blowing money on those young women. It is more likely because he is male and lonely. Men do not take well to losing their spouses, whether because of death or divorce. I know, because I am 44 and have been there.

Soon after my divorce, I would have put up with almost anything to have a companion. I didn't lose money at the level that "Worried's" father did, but then, I didn't have that much to lose. After the third woman "took me," I began to wise up and figured that either my name was being passed around, or someone out there was conducting classes to teach women how to get money out of lonely men.

I should have known better -- not just because I'm smart, but because I'm a counselor for divorced and single fathers with the Missouri-Kansas Chapter of the National Congress for Fathers and Children. I had worked with divorced and single fathers for seven years at the time of my own divorce in 1996.

I agree with you that the man should have both a physical and mental checkup, because depression is very common in men after such events. I am going this week to a mental health facility for a follow-up myself.

Aside from that, the daughter should encourage her father to attend singles events for people his age. I know that this makes her uncomfortable, but if she wants to see her father live for many more years to come, the best medicine right now may be meeting someone new.

Because I believe that all recently divorced or widowed men should have depression testing, you may use my name. -- GEORGE R. McCASLAND

DEAR GEORGE: Thank you for an interesting letter. While you may be right that the father's problem could be loneliness and depression, I was concerned because his daughter reported that despite having installed an alarm system and motion detector, her father's house had been robbed three times, and his credit cards and ID stolen by women he had picked up or their accomplices. I felt he should be evaluated because the next time it happened, he could be injured or worse.

If the man passes muster and reads your letter, perhaps he will be lucky and find the "medicine" that you recommend. I'm not against having fun; I only want him to play safely. Readers, more on this subject tomorrow.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I wholeheartedly agree with "Steaming in Massachusetts" that you shouldn't cook if you have been drinking.

Four years ago, I went out to dinner and had a few drinks. When I returned home, I threw a chicken breast and some oil in a skillet and turned on the stove to cook it for my 17-year-old son who was working late. While the skillet heated, I went into the living room, turned on the TV and sat down.

The next thing I remember, I was in my front yard being shaken by my neighbor.

I had consumed only a couple of drinks, but they were enough to make me pass out and not notice the smell of the oil smoking in the aluminum pan. Fortunately, a neighbor walking with her 5-year-old son saw the smoke pouring out of my open windows. She sent her son home to dial 911, while she stood at our fence screaming for us to get out of the house. (Our two Rottweilers wouldn't permit anyone to enter our fenced yard.)

My husband heard the neighbor's screams and went outside. When he realized I was still inside, he re-entered the house and found me fast asleep. He dragged me outside moments before the police were going to shoot the dogs to get in.

I am forever indebted to my neighbor and the fire and police departments. I learned a hard lesson I will never forget: IF YOU DRINK, STAY AWAY FROM THE STOVE! -- KAREN IN TAMPA, FLA.

DEAR KAREN: You had a close call. Since the amount of alcohol you consumed caused you to become unconscious, I hope you called a halt to the drinking. Your frightening experience should have proven to you that when you drink, you're a danger to yourself and others.

DEAR ABBY: When my daughter was young, I told her that sex was something you shared only when you had strong, special feelings for someone. I encouraged her to tell me when she reached the point she might want to become sexually active so that I could take her to the doctor for birth control.

At 16, she told me she was ready to see the doctor and get the pill. I felt she was still too young, but I honored her request and took her to see our doctor.

On the way home, a little angel on my shoulder prompted me to say, "Remember, honey, just because you can, doesn't mean you have to. The choice is still yours, and you still have the right to say no."

She gave a big sigh of relief. I later learned that she postponed having sex until she was 19. -- LOS ANGELES MOM

DEAR MOM: How wise you were.

At the age of 16, many teens begin to assert their independence, and they sometimes do so by doing exactly what the parents discourage. Reminding your daughter that the choice was still hers and trusting her to make the right decision was a clever way to handle this tricky situation.

DEAR ABBY: My friends and I recently discussed this question: What is the appropriate cut-off time to call someone on the telephone? Our answers have ranged anywhere from 8 p.m. to 10 p.m. What is your thinking on this? -- CALL-WAITING IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CALL-WAITING: The answer depends upon the parties you are calling and the hours they keep. Ask the people in question what would be the latest they would welcome calls and respect their wishes.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)