DEAR ABBY: In years past, you have warned parents that it is inappropriate to give young fowl or baby animals to small children as Easter gifts. Not only are the children too young to properly care for them, but they pose a health risk.

Many chicks, ducklings and other young fowl shed salmonella bacteria in their feces. Humans become infected from direct contact with the birds or when feces-contaminated food, hands or objects are placed in the mouth.

Children have more frequent hand-to-mouth contact than adults and are less likely to wash their hands properly after handling chicks or ducklings. Infants, children under 5 and immuno-compromised persons are at high risk for severe infections and diarrhea.

Abby, please stress to your readers that if they handle young fowl, they MUST thoroughly wash their hands with soap and hot water. -- KAMMY JOHNSON, DVM, PHD, CENTERS FOR DISEASE CONTROL AND PREVENTION, ATLANTA

DEAR KAMMY: Thank you for the timely warning. Parents who want to give their children chicks and ducks should buy the cuddly "stuffed" kind. Not only do they not have to be fed, they also don't pose a health risk.

DEAR ABBY: My father, now in his late 60s, seems to enjoy upsetting people. For many years, he has given gifts with the intention of deliberately shocking the recipient. When the package is opened, he breaks into a big grin if the person is reduced to tears.

He sent my sister's rooommate insulting literature because he doesn't like the way she manages her money. He doesn't like my niece's husband, so he sent him a pair of dirty socks.

As he ages, it appears that my father's desperate attempts to hurt people have accelerated. The last straw came a few weeks ago when I was a passenger in my father's car. He purposely stopped across three lanes of oncoming traffic -- on my side of the car! I became hysterical. My husband wants to sell our home and move me as far away as possible from my abusive father.

Abby, our family is planning to get together again soon. I feel like excluding my father. What should I do? -- HURT IN VIRGINIA

DEAR HURT: Whether or not to invite your father to a family gathering is the least of your worries. Your father's behavior appears to be escalating from eccentric to dangerous. One definition of serious mental illness is, "The person is a danger to himself or others." By stopping his car across three lanes of traffic, he placed you in serious jeopardy. Talk to a lawyer and to his doctor about his behavior. Your father must be evaluated for dementia or mental illness.

DEAR ABBY: Returning home from a small dinner party given by some close friends, I remarked to my wife that the gin had been watered. She observed that so was the scotch.

How can we delicately call this to the attention of our hosts? They don't read Dear Abby. We're concerned that their housekeeper may be nipping and refilling the bottles of expensive booze with water. -- BOMBED IN BEVERLY HILLS

DEAR BEVERLY HILLS: (Far be it from me to call anyone "Bombed.") Since you're afraid you'll offend these close friends if you approach the subject directly, the next time they entertain you, bring your own bottle as a bread-and-butter gift.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I was blessed with one of the finest mothers-in-law a man could hope for. I'll call her Dorothy. We were so much alike that I often told her I should have been her son.

Dorothy was a strong-willed woman who ran an efficient household. No back-talk was allowed on the part of her children.

When my father-in-law died, Dorothy found herself a widow at 81. Unable to live alone, she asked to live with my wife and me. Our children were grown, and there was plenty of room, so we agreed.

Knowing she had "ruled the roost" in her own home, I asked her to promise me that she would remember she was not coming to run OUR household. Well, bless Dorothy's departed soul, for 10 years she honored her promise, even though at times you could see she was biting her tongue.

Abby, I just recently retired. My wife and I have very different ways of doing things in the kitchen. When I cook, I put things away as soon as I am finished with them. My wife, on the other hand, stacks things in the kitchen sink -- waiting for me to wash them and put them away.

After scolding my wife recently about her disorganization, she stopped me in mid-sentence and asked, "Do you remember what you said to my mother before she moved in?" I nodded. She continued, "Well, you are here to share our home with me, not to run it."

My words have come back to haunt me. I must now learn to "bite my tongue," while still trying to be helpful. -- ERIC IN OCEANSIDE

DEAR ERIC: I'm printing your letter so that any other recent retiree who needs to see it can learn from it. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: For years, my husband and I had terrible fights. Then we finally came up with a system that helped us get beyond the fighting. It saved our marriage. It's very simple:

(1) Agree that listening to the other person does not mean you concur with what the other one is saying.

(2) One person talks for as long as necessary. The other partner does not interrupt, no matter how much he or she may disagree or itch to get his or her point in. Instead, jot down a key word to remember what was said.

(3) When the speaker is finished, the other person may do the same thing.

My husband and I discovered that when we listened to each other without interrupting, we heard each other far more completely and understood the other's point of view.

Please share this with your readers if you think it will be helpful. -- LISTENING WITH BOTH EARS

DEAR LISTENING: I'm pleased to share your method for diffusing arguments. Another effective technique is for the listener to repeat back what he or she has just heard in order to be sure it's the message the speaker meant to convey. Misunderstandings often occur because the parties reach and form their judgments before understanding the other person's viewpoint.

P.S. I have a hunch this column will wind up on many refrigerators!

Abby shares her favorite recipes in a two-booklet set. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $7.90 per set ($9 per set in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Recently at a family party for my daughter's second birthday, a discussion came up about who I would like to leave my children with if something happened to my husband and me.

Although we have not made definite plans, I said we had several options. We are extremely close to some friends who are raising their children as we are raising ours. After thinking it over, I said they would be our first choice.

Well, my parents became furious. They threatened that if we were to leave our children with these friends, they would contest the will and fight to get custody.

Abby, I love my parents, but in my heart, I know they would not be the best choice to raise our kids. How can I get my parents to back off? -- THINKING OF THEIR FUTURE

DEAR THINKING: You probably can't, so you and your husband must talk to a lawyer and have your wishes "carved in granite." Include in the document all of the reasons you want your friends to raise your children -- and all of the reasons why your parents should not. Then cross your fingers, pray that the document will never have to be seen by your parents or used by your friends, and, if it becomes necessary, that it will be reviewed by an understanding, sympathetic judge.

DEAR ABBY: You recently printed a letter about a downed pilot in World War II who was captured by the Germans when he was observed cutting his food with his knife and transferring his fork to his right hand to eat, thus identifying himself as an American. This was not an uncommon event in World War II. The Germans were trained to look for such cultural habits.

Our allies, the British, were often identified and captured by the way they crossed the road as pedestrians. Because vehicles travel on the left side of the road in Britain, pedestrians look to their right when stepping off the curb, a dangerous habit in France or Germany where traffic approaches from the left -- and even more critical if an approaching vehicle contained members of the German militia. -- HISTORY TRIVIA BUFF, ENCINITAS, CALIF.

DEAR TRIVIA BUFF: Your letter gives me renewed respect for those who risked their lives trying to gain intelligence behind enemy lines.

DEAR ABBY: I am 16 years old. I have no life. My parents won't let me out of the house because they are always afraid that something is going to happen to me. I live five miles outside of Reno, and I haven't been to town in two weeks. Every Saturday morning they both go into town, but they refuse to take me with them. My mom has blocked off all calls to my friends and from them.

What should I do? -- PRISONER IN RENO, NEV.

DEAR PRISONER: If your parents are doing this as a form of discipline, it is certainly not child abuse. However, if you are being isolated for no good reason, discuss it with a trusted teacher or a school counselor, because your parents' concern for your safety seems excessive.

NOT CONFIDENTIAL TO MY JEWISH READERS: Happy Passover, one and all!

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)