DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are both seniors, and he just recovered from a near tragedy. I am sure it could happen to anyone who takes more than one prescription medication.

My husband was slowly deteriorating to the point of being unable to take care of himself. He was less and less interested in anything; his hands trembled; he couldn't write his name or drive a car; he had difficulty putting two words together; he couldn't remember anything; and his legs were very weak. In short, he was ready for a nursing home.

He was taking 11 different medications several times a day. As his caregiver and the dispenser of his medication, it occurred to me that the drugs could be part of the problem.

I wrote his doctor describing his symptoms and listing all of his prescriptions. Without seeing him, the doctor immediately eliminated two of them and reduced the dosage of others. Within two weeks, my husband's symptoms began disappearing. All of them are gone now, except for the weakness in his legs. He's doing exercises to strengthen them.

Abby, what happens to people who have no reliable caregiver or mentor? Who reads the list of "possible side effects"? I am sure there are people in nursing homes being given the same medications that put them there. Please remind your older readers not to accept symptoms as "just being part of growing old." -- LEE IN WALNUT CREEK, CALIF.

DEAR LEE: People who have no reliable caregiver or mentor to intercede for them when they start slipping are at a dangerous disadvantage. Your letter is a powerful reminder that people who are having their annual physical examinations should bring with them a list of every medication, vitamin and over-the-counter drug and herb they are taking. The effects can be cumulative and debilitating, and they should be regularly reviewed by a physician.

DEAR ABBY: In a recent column, I think you dropped the ball when you commented on the black man who won a raffle and was first denied but then awarded the Cadillac he won fair and square.

You said something to the effect that because of the time and locale (North Carolina), it was revolutionary that justice prevailed.

I know racism exists everywhere, but I contend that because the man's injustice was a mistake both made AND rectified without government intervention or a media crusade, that speaks volumes about our great state. There have always been more good people than bad, regardless of the times. The proof is in that story.

Abby, I read you every day, and with very few exceptions, find you witty, wonderful and wise. -- CARL BROW, PROUD TO BE FROM NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR CARL: You are correct that the incident happened long ago, and it was remedied by people who believed in justice for all.

However, it wasn't until the civil rights movement of the '60s that equal rights were finally realized for every American. While many good people on both sides of the Mason-Dixon Line may have wanted to correct the injustices that prevailed before then, ending them took a tremendous struggle.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I don't know whether it's "the pill," the feminist movement or some other factor, but the assumption that it's men who are always "on the make" just ain't true anymore.

My wife goes on occasional short foreign mission trips with groups of people from several congregations. Whenever she's away, several women in our church make a point of telling me how "good" I am to let her go. (Two of the three are married; the other is a widow.) All three of them have offered to "do anything" for me -- and they do mean ANYTHING.

I'm afraid if I tell my wife she'll stop making the trips, which she finds very fulfilling. If I don't tell her, I'm afraid sooner or later one of these women might feel scorned and do something to get me in trouble with my wife. Help! -- BETWEEN A ROCK AND A HARD PLACE, KNOXVILLE, TENN.

DEAR BETWEEN: Keep your distance from the predators, tell your wife what they are up to, and assure her she has nothing to worry about.

Since they are all churchgoing women, remind the three sirens of the commandment against coveting thy neighbor's spouse -- and pray that they get the message.

DEAR ABBY: My neighbor "Lil" has a son the same age as mine -- 4. They enjoy playing together. The problem is Lil's husband. I'll call him Jake. Jake is an admitted drug user. Lil has kicked him out twice, but she takes him back when he promises to stay straight. Attempts at rehabilitation are usually abandoned in a few weeks.

My husband thinks I should sever all ties with Lil because of Jake's behavior. If I do, our sons will be the ones who suffer. I see no reason why Lil and her son can't come to our house so the children may play together. Jake is aware of our feelings and knows he's not welcome.

My husband is adamant about me not socializing with Lil. I try to stay neutral, but the stress of being in the middle is starting to take its toll. Is there a happy ending to this difficult situation? -- STUCK IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR STUCK: Lil and the boy are blameless. Your husband is judgmental and controlling. How would he react if the situation were reversed?

Either put your foot down and assert your rights to disagree with your husband -- or be prepared to live the rest of your life under his thumb. The choice is yours.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship with "Sid" for two years, but things haven't been good between us for the last eight months. We called off our wedding but are still dating. I care for Sid, but sometimes I feel we have reached a dead end.

I recently met another man, "Larry," who wants to date me. Larry is very nice and says he'll understand if we don't date right now -- he's willing to wait.

Abby, I feel I should be by myself for a while. I haven't told Sid anything yet. I don't want to hurt him. What should I do? -- CONFUSED IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR CONFUSED: Listen to your intuition and end the relationship with Sid. If this romance was meant to be, the wedding would have gone on as planned.

P.S. Being alone for a while before becoming involved with someone else is an excellent idea.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Do you think it's right for parents to yell at their kids in front of company? It's always over trivial things. I suspect that our friends feel they must show us they're "on the job" as parents.

The problem with these driven, overly critical parents is that their yelling not only embarrasses the children, but also makes us, the visitors, feel awkward. It sends a message to the children that their parents' disciplinary skills are weak, because they use company as witnesses to humiliate them.

I've been tempted to tell our friends, "How about praising your kids once in a while?" Am I right to keep silent? -- NOT-SO-HONORED GUEST

DEAR NOT: No. Remind them of the admirable qualities you see in their children and urge them to praise them as well as criticize.

If parents must discipline children, it should be done privately. For a parent to yell at a child in front of guests carries the same message as a boss who publicly reprimands an employee. It shows a lack of respect and that the person's feelings don't matter -- hardly a recipe for harmony in business or family.

DEAR ABBY: I belong to a women's group that meets monthly. I have known most of the members since high school. Several of them work in the medical profession. More often than not, the conversation turns to their jobs.

They often discuss patients we all know. I'm gutless and do not ask them to stop -- probably because I don't think they would.

I am employed in a government office. We are constantly reminded not to breach confidentiality. I wouldn't dream of naming names.

Abby, it is important that personnel working in medical offices be reminded of their patients' right to privacy. I am sending my own doctors a letter reminding them to add this topic to their next staff meeting. -- TOO MUCH INFO IN INDIANAPOLIS

DEAR TOO MUCH INFO: That's an excellent idea. It's a topic that belongs on the agenda of any business that deals with sensitive information. A breach of confidentiality could have serious repercussions not only for the client, but for the employer as well.

DEAR ABBY: My mother has been widowed for five years. Less than a year ago, her cousin "Betty" passed away. Mom has become close to Betty's husband, "Boyd." She is trying to keep her feelings a secret, but it is becoming apparent that she is more involved with him than she wants to let on.

I am uncomfortable with the relationship because she and Betty were so close when they were growing up. They were like sisters.

Mom said she didn't want to tell me how close she was to Boyd, because she knew I would not approve of the relationship. I don't. She insists that although it is sad when someone passes on, life goes on.

Abby, am I nuts? How should I feel about this situation? -- UNCOMFORTABLE DAUGHTER

DEAR DAUGHTER: Your mother is absolutely right. You should be happy for her and her new love. They are hurting no one. Please don't rain on their parade any further.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)