DEAR ABBY: I don't know whether it's "the pill," the feminist movement or some other factor, but the assumption that it's men who are always "on the make" just ain't true anymore.

My wife goes on occasional short foreign mission trips with groups of people from several congregations. Whenever she's away, several women in our church make a point of telling me how "good" I am to let her go. (Two of the three are married; the other is a widow.) All three of them have offered to "do anything" for me -- and they do mean ANYTHING.

I'm afraid if I tell my wife she'll stop making the trips, which she finds very fulfilling. If I don't tell her, I'm afraid sooner or later one of these women might feel scorned and do something to get me in trouble with my wife. Help! -- BETWEEN A ROCK AND A HARD PLACE, KNOXVILLE, TENN.

DEAR BETWEEN: Keep your distance from the predators, tell your wife what they are up to, and assure her she has nothing to worry about.

Since they are all churchgoing women, remind the three sirens of the commandment against coveting thy neighbor's spouse -- and pray that they get the message.

DEAR ABBY: My neighbor "Lil" has a son the same age as mine -- 4. They enjoy playing together. The problem is Lil's husband. I'll call him Jake. Jake is an admitted drug user. Lil has kicked him out twice, but she takes him back when he promises to stay straight. Attempts at rehabilitation are usually abandoned in a few weeks.

My husband thinks I should sever all ties with Lil because of Jake's behavior. If I do, our sons will be the ones who suffer. I see no reason why Lil and her son can't come to our house so the children may play together. Jake is aware of our feelings and knows he's not welcome.

My husband is adamant about me not socializing with Lil. I try to stay neutral, but the stress of being in the middle is starting to take its toll. Is there a happy ending to this difficult situation? -- STUCK IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR STUCK: Lil and the boy are blameless. Your husband is judgmental and controlling. How would he react if the situation were reversed?

Either put your foot down and assert your rights to disagree with your husband -- or be prepared to live the rest of your life under his thumb. The choice is yours.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship with "Sid" for two years, but things haven't been good between us for the last eight months. We called off our wedding but are still dating. I care for Sid, but sometimes I feel we have reached a dead end.

I recently met another man, "Larry," who wants to date me. Larry is very nice and says he'll understand if we don't date right now -- he's willing to wait.

Abby, I feel I should be by myself for a while. I haven't told Sid anything yet. I don't want to hurt him. What should I do? -- CONFUSED IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR CONFUSED: Listen to your intuition and end the relationship with Sid. If this romance was meant to be, the wedding would have gone on as planned.

P.S. Being alone for a while before becoming involved with someone else is an excellent idea.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Do you think it's right for parents to yell at their kids in front of company? It's always over trivial things. I suspect that our friends feel they must show us they're "on the job" as parents.

The problem with these driven, overly critical parents is that their yelling not only embarrasses the children, but also makes us, the visitors, feel awkward. It sends a message to the children that their parents' disciplinary skills are weak, because they use company as witnesses to humiliate them.

I've been tempted to tell our friends, "How about praising your kids once in a while?" Am I right to keep silent? -- NOT-SO-HONORED GUEST

DEAR NOT: No. Remind them of the admirable qualities you see in their children and urge them to praise them as well as criticize.

If parents must discipline children, it should be done privately. For a parent to yell at a child in front of guests carries the same message as a boss who publicly reprimands an employee. It shows a lack of respect and that the person's feelings don't matter -- hardly a recipe for harmony in business or family.

DEAR ABBY: I belong to a women's group that meets monthly. I have known most of the members since high school. Several of them work in the medical profession. More often than not, the conversation turns to their jobs.

They often discuss patients we all know. I'm gutless and do not ask them to stop -- probably because I don't think they would.

I am employed in a government office. We are constantly reminded not to breach confidentiality. I wouldn't dream of naming names.

Abby, it is important that personnel working in medical offices be reminded of their patients' right to privacy. I am sending my own doctors a letter reminding them to add this topic to their next staff meeting. -- TOO MUCH INFO IN INDIANAPOLIS

DEAR TOO MUCH INFO: That's an excellent idea. It's a topic that belongs on the agenda of any business that deals with sensitive information. A breach of confidentiality could have serious repercussions not only for the client, but for the employer as well.

DEAR ABBY: My mother has been widowed for five years. Less than a year ago, her cousin "Betty" passed away. Mom has become close to Betty's husband, "Boyd." She is trying to keep her feelings a secret, but it is becoming apparent that she is more involved with him than she wants to let on.

I am uncomfortable with the relationship because she and Betty were so close when they were growing up. They were like sisters.

Mom said she didn't want to tell me how close she was to Boyd, because she knew I would not approve of the relationship. I don't. She insists that although it is sad when someone passes on, life goes on.

Abby, am I nuts? How should I feel about this situation? -- UNCOMFORTABLE DAUGHTER

DEAR DAUGHTER: Your mother is absolutely right. You should be happy for her and her new love. They are hurting no one. Please don't rain on their parade any further.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Please lend your powerful voice to one of the most overlooked substance abuse problems in America and assist us in launching National Inhalants and Poisons Awareness Week, March 18 to 24, 2001.

Your readers already know about the dangers of alcohol-impaired driving, underage smoking and drinking, and illicit drug abuse. But I wonder how many mothers and fathers understand that their kids are also at risk from common household products not usually associated with drug abuse.

Nail polish remover, airplane glue, bleach, paint, kerosene and many other products can cause serious health problems when children and adolescents use them to get high.

Sniffing or "huffing" (inhaling through the mouth) can induce effects ranging from temporary headaches to long-term brain damage or even death. Younger children, who may experiment out of curiosity, are the most likely inhalant abusers. They do not understand that ordinary products may be dangerous if used for something other than the intended purpose.

Abby, please ask parents to teach their children that sniffing and huffing are dangerous. Adults must be alert to missing household products and soaked rags, bags or socks. It is important for parents to inform kids that inhalant abuse is harmful, unacceptable and will not be tolerated.

Knowing what your children are doing, who they hang with, and making arrangements for them to participate in supervised after-school activities are also important steps grown-ups can take to prevent youth substance abuse.

Readers who want help or additional information should call the Department of Health and Human Services' national clearinghouse at 1-800-788-2800 and and request a parenting skills brochure. Our multilingual Web site is www.theantidrug.com.

Thank you, Abby, for your leadership during this year's campaign, and for all you do to help your readers enjoy safe, healthy lives. -- EDWARD JURITH, ACTING DIRECTOR, OFFICE OF NATIONAL DRUG CONTROL POLICY, WASHINGTON, D.C.

DEAR MR. JURITH AND PARENTS EVERYWHERE: I am pleased to help and to urge parents to support your campaign to discourage children and teens from heedlessly risking their health. With close to a million new inhalant users a year and 5 percent of eighth-graders reporting inhalant use in the past 30 days, there's cause for concern.

Whether innocently or intentionally misused to get high, everyday products -- and less common ones such as "laughing gas" -- are no laughing matter.

I'm troubled to hear that only one-fourth of America's children have what one study calls "hands-on" parents -- parents who have established rules and expectations for their teens' behavior, and who monitor what their teens do and where they are during evenings and weekends. That one-fourth of our youth are at one-quarter the risk of smoking, drinking and using drugs as those with "hands-off" parents.

It is vital that parents take an active role with their kids, so that their youngsters refrain from abusing inhalants and other dangerous substances. Introducing them to the tantalizing fumes of a good, home-cooked meal is an excellent place to start. Children are like flowers. They blossom in the sunshine of interested, involved parents.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $7.90 ($9 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)