DEAR ABBY: My second husband, "Peter," is overly protective of my daughter. "Joy" is 15, very pretty, and popular with both girls and boys. Joy has no contact with her biological father. She calls Peter "Dad."
The problem is, Peter feels that if Joy kisses or holds hands with a boy, she should tell him (Peter) all about it right away.
I have talked to Joy about sex. She understands the facts of life. She says she is not interested in sex. She wants to go to college and doesn't want to "end up" with a baby, and have "no life."
I feel Peter is wrong not to trust her, and Joy feels the same way. I have mentioned this to friends. They say that if he doesn't trust her, he will lose her respect and she will pull away. They have a close relationship now. I hate to see it ruined because he is so distrustful.
Recently, Joy had friends over for a party, and she did kiss a boy. When Peter found out, he had a fit. He claims she lied to him because she didn't tell him right away.
Joy and I feel it is none of his business. She didn't do anything wrong. I've told her she can talk to me any time about anything, and she says she will. She also said she thinks it would be better for her to meet her male friends at her girlfriend's house so her stepfather won't question her every time a boy comes to our house.
I said no to that. What do you think, Abby? -- MARRIED TO AN OVERPROTECTOR
DEAR MARRIED: Your husband is not overprotective. His preoccupation with his stepdaughter's interest in boys is unhealthy.
Peter may be jealous, and amy fantasize about having sex with his stepdaughter, or he may remember how he used girls when HE was a teen-age boy.
Ask your daughter if Peter has ever approached her in a sexual way and made her promise to keep her mouth shut.